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Dealing with insults

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Dufus

Member
Joined
Apr 28, 2010
Messages
16
Location
Manchester UK
Does anyone have any tips on dealing with being insulted, or even better how to behave so as not to get insulted in the first place !?

I am the type of person that can be self-absorbed, sensitive, self-concscious etc and recognise that sometimes my attitude can be 'not right'. But What really pisses me off though is that if you let this show in public for even one second many times there will be some complete stranger there waiting to call out "weirdo", "d***", "a******", "k***" or whatever, even though you are totally minding your own business and not even glanced at the insulter. It happens in various circumstances, sometimes a bunch of lads together, i can tell they are looking at me, and that makes me even more self conscious, and one of them will call out, in all sorts of other situations too.

It really ruins my days when this happens, and it makes me so angry and upset that I cant get these things out of my mind for days afterwards, trying to run over what i did wrong, could i have changed anything, what i would like to do or say to that person. It is often someone calling behind me back so i cant see who it was, or other times i just freeze when called and try to ignore the comment. This is what i was taught to do as a kid by my parents but i find this a totally weak and pathetic way of dealing with such things, that i habitually do and cannot change.

Sometimes I think yeah i possibly deserved that, other times i havent a clue what i did wrong.

This sort of thing happens every few weeks I suppose. Usually when i am just forgetting about one such incident, then another one will happen.
Anyone have any advice at all please ?

Incase anyone is wondering, Am i sure these incidents are not just voices in my head - yes I am !
 
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Dufus

Member
Joined
Apr 28, 2010
Messages
16
Location
Manchester UK
Well thanks for all the replies folks :rolleyes::p

Anyone care to say anything atall ?
 
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schizolanza

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Sep 22, 2008
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3,160
People can be cruel.There's probably nothing you can do about it.Ofcourse I dont know exactly what has been happening from your post.
I'm lucky that I'm a big man so dont get too much abuse from yobs etc.If I do then I just ignore it.If they get a reaction then it'll probably get worse.
I can totally understand why this upsets you but dont know what to say to help.
 
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dreambuggieII

Guest
ello

yo yo yo Dufus

howdy

That's pretty awful to hear that people call out at you and say things like that. It must be very consuming for your mind to know that "the outside world" thinks you are - whatever crap it is they say.

I used to be strongly influenced by what the outside world thought of me. I think its very human for it to influence how you see yourself.

The outside world, could in some circumstances be a popularity barometer for yourself. The preferred destination being fair and lovely.

(a) getting smiles from grannies = a good day = you are fair and lovely

(b) having people taunt and insult you = bad day = you are not fair and lovely.

As I said it must be awful to hear such crap like that. It's very 21st century insensitivity and blatant invasion on someone. Man, it must be like having mud thrown at you in a medieval village. Not kosher and not nice.

I just wanted to say something to you that's been helpful to me, overcome criticism from a myriad of people in my life. Someone once said to me, if you don't respect that persons take on life [v difficult to judge i know from passers by] which is to say their belief system, morality, principles etc why would you believe what they say?

I don't take it on board and to heart anymore, as I don't value them high enough. But saying that, I still have to listen to the diatribes but I bite my tongue. I just hold the peace and walk away. Infact at 40, it's positivity receding :)

Best of luck dufus, keep trucking.
 
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Dufus

Member
Joined
Apr 28, 2010
Messages
16
Location
Manchester UK
People can be cruel.There's probably nothing you can do about it.Ofcourse I dont know exactly what has been happening from your post.
I'm lucky that I'm a big man so dont get too much abuse from yobs etc.If I do then I just ignore it.If they get a reaction then it'll probably get worse.
I can totally understand why this upsets you but dont know what to say to help.
What you have said has helped more than you may realise. Just applying the label "yobs" to them makes it easier to deal with, and also the reminder that its not just me that gets this sort of crap. So thanks !
 
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Dufus

Member
Joined
Apr 28, 2010
Messages
16
Location
Manchester UK
. Someone once said to me, if you don't respect that persons take on life [v difficult to judge i know from passers by] which is to say their belief system, morality, principles etc why would you believe what they say?

I don't take it on board and to heart anymore, as I don't value them high enough. .
Thanks for the advice. That is something I will have to work on, "dont let the b****** get you down" and all that.

I guess my problem is because I never really learned to stick up for myself very well at school, and i now think this could haunt me throughout my life, unless I find some way of dealing with it better. It seems to me theres absolutely no way of avoiding it if you live in a big city, many people just are not nice, and you get walked all over if youre not careful. This has a bad effect on confidence.

I realise the sensible thing is not take on a big gang of yobs in the street or something, trying out "assertiveness techniques" on them would not be a good idea, lol, and in that case i should probably just swallow my pride and ignore them, after all I know Im not going to be the Karate kid or Clint Eastwood lol.

But in less extreme circumstances I would like to be more assertive somehow. Maybe its because my self esteem is very rocky at the moment but the 'ignore them' and dont say anything back approach is definately not working for me.
 
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Twylight

Guest
Hi Dufus

I think everyone with MH issues has to become ' Indestructable '
 
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ramboghettouk

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Jan 7, 2008
Messages
16,647
Location
london
Get the same feeling wear a MP3 player so i can't hear them, as people were giving me nasty looks on the bus for playing it loud i got some noise rduction sort headphones recently

One women i'm fond off she can turn things round, they can insult her to her face in the pub and she can turn it round and make it a compliment, as one analyst said thats part of her attraction for me

You can also think when someones out to insult you they're quite often saying things that would insult them, it reveals more about them
 
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schizolanza

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Sep 22, 2008
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You're right rambo.It says more about them than it does about you.
 
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Dufus

Member
Joined
Apr 28, 2010
Messages
16
Location
Manchester UK
, they can insult her to her face in the pub and she can turn it round

You can also think when someones out to insult you they're quite often saying things that would insult them, it reveals more about them
Thanks. That reminds me of one response i should be able to fall back in the vast majority of cases, relatively feeble as it may be, I can always turn it back on them with a "yes you are" type of response to whatever ive been called, if i cant think of anything better to retort with on the spot. I will try that one on next time and see how it goes. Im sure It will do wonders for my self-esteem.
 
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maudikie

Guest
maudikie.

I'm afraid that these days manners and discipline in the young seem to h ave gone to pot. Look at the number who just skip or walk out of school. The shortage of housing and overcrowding don't help. But if you are tormented as y ou describe just walk away or cross the road. they are ignorant and to be pitied in a way. Can you join a group or club where y ou would meet nicer people and that would help you to gain confidence. Always remember that you are!the tops" Ignore the silly ones. And you can always have a go on here!

Best of luck and take care.(y):)

(Laugh and the World laughs withyou,
Weep and you weep alone) Quote.
 
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dreambuggieII

Guest
Yo yo yo Dufus

Always a pleasure.

I came across this and thought of you..

This is a classical example of what many of us would like to do, but such stuff is what dreams are made of.

Please take care and choose your battles carefully if you care and be bothered to retort - it's a jungle out there....

[YOUTUBE]<object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/nri054ZsIPM&hl=en_GB&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/nri054ZsIPM&hl=en_GB&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>[/YOUTUBE]

Back in the day, I guess duels were picked and a man could and dare I say aught to be able to defend his honour. Although those days are now long gone, we have history to remind us how it was dealt with ... taking the law into your hands is tricky. I have to rely on a bit of l'esprit de l'escalier and watching kung fuu flicks.

adios for now :)
 
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Sparkycheers

New member
Joined
May 16, 2010
Messages
2
Location
North London
Hey Dufus,

Someone once said to me "you can't control others, you can only try to control yourself" which has helped me many times when being around obnoxious or thoughtless individuals.

Extend respect to others as you would wish it upon yourself and if they cannot return this then it is their failing. Imaturity and thoughtlessness can be attributed to alot of poor behaviour. Though it can feel stinging at first try to remember that what you're hearing is the vocal manifestation of foolish and weak minded traits and has nothing to do with strength of character or qualities that any decent individual should desire to possess. In my experience a whole host of problems lie behind the behaviour of such people so remember whoever they are, not all is so hunky dory for them.

I hope this helps and keep talking dude.
 
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coraline1664

Guest
I think the less you value what they say and the more you trust and know yourself the easier it gets. You don't even have to bother to give them a reply the seconds thought in your head is all they should get. I used to take these comments as truths and not some random comments made in seconds by idiots who you'll never see again.
I've had these comments a lot too especially as a teenager, and in lots of places not just in my school. A lot more than the average person seemed to get so started feeling like there was something about me that everyone was going to notice everytime I went out and that I was just a freak. It hurt so much because I tried my best and was being laughed at by people who had only seen me for a second. What made it worse is my 'friends' didn't seem to deny what they said either and sometimes even thought it was funny.

Now I just think 'I don't want to please you, who cares if you think I look stupid?' I think genuinely realising that it's unlikely you'd have much in common with these people anyway so there's no point believing random snap judgements they make really helps in the long term. I've just noticed dreambuggie said something similar to that but that really helped me too!
 
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