Dealing with immense guilt - coming clean about lying

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Annalouiseeeex

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So, when I was younger I had a boyfriend at 17 who had slept with loads of people before me. I was so insecure and anxious back then (more than I am now) so told him I slept with people before him, although this wasn’t true. I lost my virginity to this guy. Awful lie, I know. Anyway I never told him the truth up until recently (being broken up for a year and a half). He forgave me and said he appreciates me telling him. However, I have also told some friends of mine at university I lost my virginity at 15 (I had my first boyfriend at 15 and we did everything else) but this is an outright lie. I have also told them I’ve slept with more people than I have and I have NO idea why. Well, I think I have some idea and it’s to do with convincing myself this lie was true for so long to deal with the guilt about lying to my ex during our relationship, so I kept it going and now I’ve got myself into such a mess. I feel immensely guilty about this and I just want to come clean especially after coming clean to my ex. I haven’t lied about anything else in my life and this is killing me because I am an open person generally. I feel sick that I’ve caused this mess and potential mistrust between my friends and I, especially as I value my friends so much. I have close friends who know the truth about my sex life. I want my friends who I’ve lied to about this to know the truth and it isn’t fair on me or them to keep
This in. I just don’t know how to go about it or have any idea about how they’ll react.
 
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Helena1

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I highly doubt your friends will care when you lost your virginity or how many people you have slept with, it is none of their business.
Just don't lie to your future partners.
I think you need to let go, it is not normal to feel this level of guilty for something so insignificant.
 
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Annalouiseeeex

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I appreciate your reply. I know it’s insignificant and I think this is why I feel so guilty about it. Because it’s a stupid thing to lie about. I’m worried what my friends are going to think of me when I tell them. We’ve had a fair few conversations about it aswell and I don’t want them to think I’m a liar. It’s eating away at me because I had no good reason to lie, I just did, and in my head That feels even worse because I just feel like an outright liar and I’m really not :(
 
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