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Days on end

V

vent101

Member
Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
15
Location
London
I can usually tell when my depression Is getting worse, it starts with later nights and thus waking up later. Letting the days drag... staying in bed tossing and turning, my hair flat to my head, un brushed teeth from the night before...skip breakfast...major dehydration ... by the time I reach the toilet ... its way over due... not wanting to see anyone... no one truly caring anyways... also not wanting to feel like people have to recue me... being at home in this prison... I have so much to be thankful for... its not that I'm ungreatful it's that I can't see any other way than the box that I'm in... outside feels like hell... my phone...just me and my phone... I swear I wonder how my health hasn't reach other heights... today I managed to do some of the 'mamouth' tasks....
I remember being a clean person or having days where everything was safe and clean... nowadays I give up it feels impossible...
I know people probably think I'm bonkers,messy and dirty... oh did I mention I used to hoard and sometimes everything jst feels like I don't help myself...
moneys at the all time low... the debts aren't going anywhere anytime soon either... I could rot in this house and no one would probably even know... what has humanity came to...
I can't wait until I'm back on my feet and can still help the people and go that extra mile for the people who didn't go the extra mile for me because I know how it feels when people don't go the extra mile

I hate that we need people... maslows heirachy of needs lol
finding the balance...
but I'm no0t going to beg people or go anywhere uninvited... even though they say pop over...
they say pop over but you can tell you're a burden one day i'll look back and i'll be somewhere else
one day who I am today will no longer be , I'll be able to help someone else like me...
 
Karafurushi

Karafurushi

Member
Joined
Apr 24, 2019
Messages
24
Location
Lexington, KY
I understand how you feel, I don’t feel like talking with anyone and I know I need help but, everyone has their own problems to deal with and I don’t just want to dump my burdens onto theirs and make it worse. It feels like everything I do is useless, I feel worthless and I just want to get out of my head, my body and just be someone else. I look fine on the outside but, Inside my head I’m screaming to be let out it feels like I’m trapped in the darkness and I can’t get out. And it feels like I’m a disappointment to everyone, I just wish I wasn’t born I don’t know why god choose such a worthless soul to leave on this beautiful planet if only I was someone else the maybe I could be better friend or daughter and maybe then my parents would be truly proud of me, if only I could be happy and smiling and talented like everyone else... feels like I’ll never be that...
 
V

vent101

Member
Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
15
Location
London
I dislike it when when the mind gets in these mindsets...
such a low place... we are beautiful souls... worthy of so much more !!!!
it's almost like we are our own worst enemies... we are our own best friends xxxxxxx


Today I woke up and started a new conversation with myself ' I can do this'
what have you done so far to help.../techniques
how's your routine going so far.../ I believe this is part of the issue
There's got to be a way I have hope
I know myself every morning I'm beating myself up... as if I've not had that already
I really want to give change a chance...

I believe not feeling worthy comes from hoiw others treat us and then we believe it so we start telling ourselves the same thing...

I'm sorry if I'm giving unsolicited advice or anything... I've just woken up in a mood where I feel like I want to be a positive person towards you...

these forums could be a good support network...
 
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