Days like this possible trigger

[Gail]

Do you ever have days when you just wanna scream , cry and give up days when it feel like your life is coming to an end or it would be better if it was. Not been a good week was put in hospital last weekend (i had no choice they sectioned me). Am out now and things are crap. Have not been out of the house since i saw my cpn on friday hell lets be honest here not changed clothes or had a bath since then have slept in same clothes I want to give up my soul is screaming for this hell om earth to end not sleeping very well those things are in my mind im crying as i write this Still good thing have managed not to self harm in anyway the thought is there but am beating it so far Dont u think that sometimes it would be handy if the crisis team could send round someone round with a knock out pill and someone who could give you a hug and let you know that you are not alone and that someone cares about you instead of the words "you have been like this before and have got thought it". Im so alone so scared so afraid I dont communicate with people very well at all i have problems around telling people how i feel the only place i feel comfortable doing this is on the internet how pathetic is that Im sorry.hell i have problems telling myself how i feel at times like this

 

[sallyG]

Gail...im so sorry to hear how you are feeling poppet....but well done on the not self harming..thats brilliant.how are you doing now?.

 

[Gail]

im struggling but getting there bit by bit even if some bits are falling by the wayside Thankyou

 

[KP1]

Gail hope you're doing ok today.
KP

 

[Gail]

WARNING CONTAINS POSSIBLE TRIGGERS







im not doing to well have spent last few days feeling suicidal very saw my therapist this morning she wasnt listening or i was not saying the right things i walked out after 10 mins. i dont know any more im pissed off with how my mht treat me ever since i got dx with plpd i have noticed a massive change in the way they treat me they just seem to brush me off now days it seems tobe an attitude of its just gail and shes having one of her crisis times just ignore her she will go away. all i want is for them to hear my pain and try to help me is that to much to ask. I MEAN the last few days all that's going though my mind is ****** **** ******* *** ******* ** **** ** **** *** *********** ** ** **** ** ****** ***** ** *** ***** and that's not good is it I am fighting this im fighting it so hard but am so tired Yesterday was the first time i had a bath and went out of my flat since last week and that was because my support worker came round and took me to the shop
I used to be someone different i studied for and got my degree it was hard work but i loved life then i had friends as well Then came my first section and since then things have just not been right i live a life of solitude i have just one friend i dont know how to communicate with people at all i sh, hell i tick all the boxs for the dx of blpd I TICK THEM ALL many times over, Im 44 years old and i have no life at all i just want this to stop I dont have the courage for that final act im screwed the only thing im good at is posting how i feel and wot use is that

 

[mypd]

Hi Gail,

Thank you for being so blunt and to the point. I don't know about you, but I always tend to hold back. The fact that you got it all out shows courage. I have how painful PD's are. Not just the symptoms but the isolation it can cause at times.

From your first post to the last, it look likes you have moved forward. Even if it was to mean a support worker. I don't know you at all since I am new but I see pain, anguish, exhaustion in your entries but I also see great courage and determination. Try not to look over your strengths.

mypd