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Daughter 22 suffering long term depression

C

carleajam

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Joined
Mar 21, 2014
Messages
13
Hi there, I'm new here and would welcome any help or suggestions regarding my daughter who is now approaching 22 with long term depression.

Basically the problems started around the age of 14 when she started a new secondary school and didn't make any new friends. She started to withdraw and became very anxious being around people. She was referred to CAMHS where she was diagnosed with social anxiety. The problem seemed to get worse once she started her A levels and her school work was suffering and she was skipping lessons. She underwent various therapy treatments like CBT and she attended groups but nothing seemed to help.

A few years ago everything became too much for her and she quit college. I wasn't happy but tried to encourage her to do other things. She had a few voluntary jobs but never stuck at anything for more than a few weeks and became more and more withdrawn. At 18 she was referred to the adult mental health service where she started medication.

For the past year she has withdrawn from life more and more. She spends most of her time in her bedroom. The social anxiety is not so much of a problem now as everything is avoided that causes her anxiety but depression seems to have taken over. Her sleep patterns have changed considerably and now she seems to be up more at night and sleeps during the day but she constantly complains of being tired all the time. She has tried various medications and her psychiatrist has increased the dose each time but they have no effect. Her psychiatrist seems to think it is more to do with her lifestyle choice and until she decides she wants to change the meds won't work.

I worry about her so much, she must be so lonely, I try to take her out when I can, like encourage her to come swimming and she does do horse riding for 1 hour a week but I feel this is not enough. She has become a recluse in her bedroom. She doesnt even watch TV but spends hours reading or on her computer which she acts very protective and secretive over. The NHS are rubbish in my opinion, her psychiatrist was looking into perhaps combining her meds and trying different combinations but he has recently left and now she has a new psychiatrist who has delayed things because he wants to read up on her notes.

She was referred to an adult therapy service last year and she finally goes next week after waiting for 8 months on the list. She has no friends, her only friend she ever had drifted a few years ago and we don't have a big family, so its only me, husband and her brother who is off doing his own thing. I struggle with depression myself and have recently gave up work and want to help her as much as I can but its difficult when she is sleeping all day, and I keep encouraging her to get up out of bed but other than physically pull her out I have no luck in getting her up. I have suggested she looks into going back college but she says she doesn't want to. It is extremely hard dealing with this on a day to day basis. I worry so much. Thanks for reading. x
 
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MarlieeB

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Jan 15, 2013
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Hi and :welcome: to the forum

I understand why the pdoc said about her lifestyle but it could of been worded better. It's good that you are trying to encourage her to go out but you need to be careful to not put too much pressure on her as she may resent that.

All I can advise is maybe ask her to go out for a walk round the block or to a local shop with you even if it is just for 5 minutes a day but don't put too much pressure on her to actually do it and don't get annoyed with her if she says no but keep on asking her, especially in this weather.

You say that SA isn't as much of a problem anymore because she avoids anything which gives her anxiety but that is part of the SA IMO. When she goes Horse Riding does she talk to anyone like the staff at the stables etc? Does she really enjoy it? If she does maybe ask her gently whether she would like to help out at the stables or at a stable. It won't only give her some interaction with people but animals are the best listeners :)

Try not to show to her how worried you are though and be gentle with her. She might be worried about talking to you due to your own depression.

I hope things get better for the both of you.

LE x
 
K

K-Kat

Member
Joined
Jun 17, 2014
Messages
10
Location
Canada
Hi there,

I myself am very close in age with your daughter and am experiencing the same thing in regards to her depression.

I too sleep A LOT. I'm tired all the time and there have been days where I only get up to use the washroom.

It's not fun for anyone. It's actually tiring to be tired all the time. You feel so run down and useless.

It sounds like your daughter hasn't harmed herself in any way, which is good for her.

Others like myself cope in negative ways, but sleep isn't a bad way.

There are days where she will sleep more than others, and really what she may need is time.

I would encourage her to obviously do something that she likes, and to find what interests her.

For example, I recently started watching a new series. For her, maybe going to the horse stable every day for an hour will help.

It sounds like little steps, but in our shoes, their giant leaps, and ultimately it's up to us.

`K-Kat
 
calypso

calypso

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Jan 5, 2011
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Lancashire
Hiya carleajam, I hope you don't mind, but I added paragraphs to your text. I find that its easier to read and more people are likely to answer you. If you disagree, please just contact me and I will switch it back. I just feel you need all the support you can get on here, especially as you are also suffering from depression.

My daughter was really unwell for years too for reasons I can't go into here. She is 24 now and doing well, but she had a lot of therapy. I managed to pay for some, but when the money ran out, I found a Church fund which paid for counselling/therapy for young adults from a professional. I'm not Christian, but they still accepted my daughter. Look around, there may well be help out there - especially for younger people.

Obviously, it would be better if the NHS paid, but as you may well know, the mental health services are always the first to be cut! My deepest sympathies to you - I have an idea of how it feels when you are so worried about your daughter. I thought mine would never get better, but she is doing well now. She isn't "well" but she is coping.
 
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