
Hanner5
New member
I recently was diagnosed with BPD and had suspicions for a while now that I was the reason for past relationships not working. I thought it was having epilepsy as a teenager and growing up in a hoarder house were the causes of my behavior to others. Near the end of college, was when I started even talking to guys in a romantic way and have always had less than a handful of friends at a time.
A lot of my dating experiences have started to become a pattern of falling for the guy right away and they seem to feel the same in the beginning. Most were red flags and extroverts that were great winning over any woman. Then I obsess after a few weeks about what we are and feel like they have to text constantly to feel reassured. I fantasize about our futures together, which puts too much pressure on the guy that I am idealizing. Eventually, they do something to minorly make me mad or I just want more reassurance and it kicks them off a pedestal I've made in my mind that they can't be the "one" anymore . The feeling is only temporary, but in that short of time period I make rash decisions to unfriend/block them or tell them I can't see them anymore or just pick fights in general.
I've only had one significant other stay through this pattern for a year, but they ended up trying to make our relationship poly without my consent. They didn't physically cheat on me and I agreed to try things with another person in the beginning then didn't want anything to do with the other woman after that because I was confused by the dynamic and did not want to share my partner. Because I was afraid to loose my significant other, I stayed with him even if he was emotionally cheating on me with other women. I started to become an abusive partner because I felt not in control of the situation and constantly paranoid of being cheated on...even if he did by talking to other women all the time then saying they were for us both. He eventually wanted us to still live together as friends while we both work on ourselves. This caused multiple meltdowns and led to me finally finding my own place.
Since then, I have been on dating sites constantly just to have guys to continuously talk to and not feel alone. I was with my partner before that almost 24/7 and missed having a person to go to. Half of the guys I have been on dates with have been only into something casual and the other ones I showed my pattern to fast of fixating or sabotaging the almost relationship with the really kind guys.
I also have hobbies and am trying to rebuild relationships with family and friends that I ignored during my last long term relationship. Several therapists in a short period of time have also helped a little. So, I'm trying to have a life again and not fixate on guys once I do start talking to them again. I just don't know how to let a guy in without oversharing early on just to feel a connection or let my bad mood from whatever is happening in my day be pushed onto them. I don't really want to get to close to guys and have this pattern happen again, but to lonely not to stop online dating all together.
How have others broken similar habits? How do you even explain to potential partner that you have BPD without scaring them off?
A lot of my dating experiences have started to become a pattern of falling for the guy right away and they seem to feel the same in the beginning. Most were red flags and extroverts that were great winning over any woman. Then I obsess after a few weeks about what we are and feel like they have to text constantly to feel reassured. I fantasize about our futures together, which puts too much pressure on the guy that I am idealizing. Eventually, they do something to minorly make me mad or I just want more reassurance and it kicks them off a pedestal I've made in my mind that they can't be the "one" anymore . The feeling is only temporary, but in that short of time period I make rash decisions to unfriend/block them or tell them I can't see them anymore or just pick fights in general.
I've only had one significant other stay through this pattern for a year, but they ended up trying to make our relationship poly without my consent. They didn't physically cheat on me and I agreed to try things with another person in the beginning then didn't want anything to do with the other woman after that because I was confused by the dynamic and did not want to share my partner. Because I was afraid to loose my significant other, I stayed with him even if he was emotionally cheating on me with other women. I started to become an abusive partner because I felt not in control of the situation and constantly paranoid of being cheated on...even if he did by talking to other women all the time then saying they were for us both. He eventually wanted us to still live together as friends while we both work on ourselves. This caused multiple meltdowns and led to me finally finding my own place.
Since then, I have been on dating sites constantly just to have guys to continuously talk to and not feel alone. I was with my partner before that almost 24/7 and missed having a person to go to. Half of the guys I have been on dates with have been only into something casual and the other ones I showed my pattern to fast of fixating or sabotaging the almost relationship with the really kind guys.
I also have hobbies and am trying to rebuild relationships with family and friends that I ignored during my last long term relationship. Several therapists in a short period of time have also helped a little. So, I'm trying to have a life again and not fixate on guys once I do start talking to them again. I just don't know how to let a guy in without oversharing early on just to feel a connection or let my bad mood from whatever is happening in my day be pushed onto them. I don't really want to get to close to guys and have this pattern happen again, but to lonely not to stop online dating all together.
How have others broken similar habits? How do you even explain to potential partner that you have BPD without scaring them off?