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Dating w BPD

B

bbystn

New member
Joined
Jan 6, 2022
Messages
1
Location
US
Hello! I’m new here and this is my first post. Hopefully I’m posting this correctly?? lol.

I feel as if my BPD is going to ruin my relationship 99.99% of the time. After being diagnosed and more aware of it along with my actions, my boyfriend and I have been better with each other. Like I am more aware of the things I do and I can acknowledge a lot better when I’m overreacting. He is always extremely patient with me and does what he can to avoid my triggers. And I do what I can to do avoid setting him off. And our communication has become so much better. We still have our rough days, but other than that, I believe we’re better.

Over the last 2 1/2 months, we hit a real rough patch. One we didn’t think we would recover from… we are still working through it, but due to the incident, I feel like it’s put a major gap in the progress I had thought was made. The patience is gone and now I feel easily triggered. It is still something we are working on rebuilding, but I’m worried we won’t survive.
 
O

Orangeade

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 23, 2021
Messages
1,739
Location
England
Hello! I’m new here and this is my first post. Hopefully I’m posting this correctly?? lol.

I feel as if my BPD is going to ruin my relationship 99.99% of the time. After being diagnosed and more aware of it along with my actions, my boyfriend and I have been better with each other. Like I am more aware of the things I do and I can acknowledge a lot better when I’m overreacting. He is always extremely patient with me and does what he can to avoid my triggers. And I do what I can to do avoid setting him off. And our communication has become so much better. We still have our rough days, but other than that, I believe we’re better.

Over the last 2 1/2 months, we hit a real rough patch. One we didn’t think we would recover from… we are still working through it, but due to the incident, I feel like it’s put a major gap in the progress I had thought was made. The patience is gone and now I feel easily triggered. It is still something we are working on rebuilding, but I’m worried we won’t survive.
I have bpd too and theres moments where i feel like that in my life. I think if you slowly but surely work through it, it can be salvaged. Open communication is very important during these times for me, as i need to express how i feel and not having people think im being weird. Sending you love and welcome! X
 
S

Selfhealing

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 9, 2021
Messages
176
Location
South West England
Hello! I’m new here and this is my first post. Hopefully I’m posting this correctly?? lol.

I feel as if my BPD is going to ruin my relationship 99.99% of the time. After being diagnosed and more aware of it along with my actions, my boyfriend and I have been better with each other. Like I am more aware of the things I do and I can acknowledge a lot better when I’m overreacting. He is always extremely patient with me and does what he can to avoid my triggers. And I do what I can to do avoid setting him off. And our communication has become so much better. We still have our rough days, but other than that, I believe we’re better.

Over the last 2 1/2 months, we hit a real rough patch. One we didn’t think we would recover from… we are still working through it, but due to the incident, I feel like it’s put a major gap in the progress I had thought was made. The patience is gone and now I feel easily triggered. It is still something we are working on rebuilding, but I’m worried we won’t survive.
Hello from someone else who has BPD

Having just come out of a relationship, I would say, trust your intuition.
If something smells off, pay attention to it.

I never. My partner did not talk down to me, did not hit me, was not aggressive, however he did not give me enough attention, I felt neglected, ignored, and he was a bit too private for me. I never met his friends, apart from our mutual friends, I never went to his house, I think he might be autistic so I made allowances, and he also has epilepsy which affects his MH, and I put all of my suspicions down to paranoia and stayed with him as he was very sexy also.

I self harm which he said he would stand by me, but now he is taking time out as he doesn't know if he can cope with it.
Im my mind, I have already been dumped as my gut tells me he is not trustworthy and feels like he is using the SH as an excuse to dump me.

Having BPD does not mean we are doomed.
We can look at the traits we have and try to address and heal them.
Not all of us have all the criteria, some of us have different components of BPD.

Be sure you are over-reacting and not just being told you are, as my partner agreed I was paranoid when I said my BPD was playing up, when, really, he was not behaving like a partner should.

It's good he is patient with you and avoids your triggers.
Only you can decide if you are in the right relationship.
I am good at advising others, but rubbish with my own, as I blamed BPD on all of my ex-partner's neglect, etc

I would not worry as worry solves nothing. Go with the flow and deal with issues as they come up. Do not allow yourself to be abused.
Abuse can take subtle forms as well as less subtle forms, for instance, my partner used to mess with my head by not reading my messages when I knew he was online, he also saw a message and did not reply to it, he would partially answer questions, and I put it all down to his MH and my BPD and ignored my intuition.

He has not officially ended the relationship yet, but wants time out due to my SH and I looked back over it and consulted with offline friend and online support and in my head I am now single.

https://www.mentalhealthforum.net/forum/posts/2821347/react?reaction_id=1
 
vxmpire

vxmpire

Active member
Joined
Jan 8, 2022
Messages
44
Location
Having just come out of a relationship, I would say, trust your intuition.
If something smells off, pay attention to it.

I self harm which he said he would stand by me, but now he is taking time out as he doesn't know if he can cope with it.
Im my mind, I have already been dumped as my gut tells me he is not trustworthy and feels like he is using the SH as an excuse to dump me.
yes i agree. always trust ur intuition! secondly... wow im so sorry. he didn't stick to his word then, he said he's going to stand by you but wants "time out" that would make me so upset and triggered so i can see why you think things are over. i would think that too ):
 
S

Selfhealing

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 9, 2021
Messages
176
Location
South West England
yes i agree. always trust ur intuition! secondly... wow im so sorry. he didn't stick to his word then, he said he's going to stand by you but wants "time out" that would make me so upset and triggered so i can see why you think things are over. i would think that too ):
I waited two days without sending him a message (impressive for me) I didn't hear a dicky bird in this time.

My gut told me he would not text me at all, that is to say, the "time out" would just drag on and on, and I needed closure.
We normally meet with mutual friends at the coffee shop on Saturdays, Mondays and Thursdays, he told me he needed time out on the Thursday, I still hadn't heard from him on the Saturday.
I sent him the following text on the Saturday night "I am still your friend but I will no longer be coming to the coffee shop" He responded, saying he hopes I recover from the SH.
I think he was using the SH as an excuse to get rid of me. To get me to dump him because he would have felt guilt dumping me in case I self harmed because of it.
He knew making me wait for responses to messages was a trigger, I asked for goodnight and good morning texts, and he forgot sometimes, I got no Christmas present, it's not the price that matters, just the thought, a mince pie would have done.

He used to talk a lot about how he hates men who exploit vulnerable women.

I feel like he exploited me as I am also autistic, and when I used my BPD paranoia as an excuse to deny being ignored, neglected etc, he agreed I was paranoid, 3rd parties also agreed I was ignored, neglected etc.

I feel guilty because I am wondering whether I bring out evil in people because of some energy I am emitting unknowingly as I have had shitty treatment from not only boyfriends in the past but other people, like I attracted it.
 
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