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Dating for physical safety

K

Kcai

New member
Joined
Jan 31, 2020
Messages
2
Location
Finland
Hey,
I try not to think about it in my everyday life but I experienced a fair share of physical violence in my childhood.
I have issues feeling safe. I just don't. No matter what I do I always feel I will get attacked for it and I get very passive because it lessens the anxiety. In the long term, obviously I need to be active and live with the anxiety.
I started dating a guy. To begin with, I liked him because he had balls. I just never wanted to be with someone who would ever allow my childhood trauma to repeat.
An unwanted side effect is that I think I am dating him because he lessens my anxiety about being physically harmed.
I kind of want to break up but I'm scared to be alone. He would never hurt me but I just can't bear being alone.
I wonder if I might just choose physical safety over love but also I wonder if I can even love anyone because all I seem to revolve around are my own fears.
 
Mal84

Mal84

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 15, 2020
Messages
1,512
Location
Hovering in the Atlantic
It’s understandable that you don’t want to be alone and that being with someone makes you feel safe BUT if you stay in a relationship that you don’t want to be in then in the long run it won’t only hurt you but it will hurt him.

You might not have love towards him but you could have a pretty good friend that while you have no romantic thoughts towards him, could be a friend for life.
 
E

EstherRose94

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
2,910
Location
USA
I’m a little confused about whether he makes you feel safe or unsafe. If he’s making you feel safe, I think that’s a good reason to be with someone actually, or at least part of a good reason to be with someone.
 
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