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Dating & Depression, Please Help

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Brightlight4others

Brightlight4others

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Joined
May 1, 2020
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1
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California
Hi everyone,

I’m new here and this is my first post, I hope that I came to the right place.
I have been dating my significant other for almost 5 years now and only 3 months into us dating, my loved one was at work when he went to open the safe and had steel boxes fall onto his head. That day everything changed. He suffered from a concussion and after test after test no doctor could really find anything “wrong” but we knew something was off. This hit of his head caused for some sort of imbalance and left him dealing with severe depression, anxiety, mood changes and suicidal thoughts. We’ve since had a child together and he is able to put on a happy face for our toddler but it tears me up inside seeing him deal with what we call the “black dog.” When the black dog comes he bites hard. There are nights where my s/o has left the house and I fear I will never see him again. His love for us is so strong but when you deal with depression as strong as his, no amount of love can make up for the amount of pain you go through each and every day. The pain to wake up and even just pull yourself out of bed let alone be present and active in your young child’s life or to be that loving, caring boyfriend. Our life changed on that day those boxes fell on my boyfriends head but my love for him remains and that is why I am here, to get guidance from you all.
It isn’t easy waking up not knowing which version of him I’ll be getting today but I need advice on how to best support him and make him feel loved while going through his depressive episodes. What are the best things to do, say? I always feel it is me but I know it is just the depression that is talking and I try to remind myself of that. I want him to feel that I understand him and am compassionate towards what he is going through. Please help me in how I can better do this. Thank you
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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Joined
Feb 27, 2020
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7,024
Location
Nashua NH
Hi everyone,

I’m new here and this is my first post, I hope that I came to the right place.
I have been dating my significant other for almost 5 years now and only 3 months into us dating, my loved one was at work when he went to open the safe and had steel boxes fall onto his head. That day everything changed. He suffered from a concussion and after test after test no doctor could really find anything “wrong” but we knew something was off. This hit of his head caused for some sort of imbalance and left him dealing with severe depression, anxiety, mood changes and suicidal thoughts. We’ve since had a child together and he is able to put on a happy face for our toddler but it tears me up inside seeing him deal with what we call the “black dog.” When the black dog comes he bites hard. There are nights where my s/o has left the house and I fear I will never see him again. His love for us is so strong but when you deal with depression as strong as his, no amount of love can make up for the amount of pain you go through each and every day. The pain to wake up and even just pull yourself out of bed let alone be present and active in your young child’s life or to be that loving, caring boyfriend. Our life changed on that day those boxes fell on my boyfriends head but my love for him remains and that is why I am here, to get guidance from you all.
It isn’t easy waking up not knowing which version of him I’ll be getting today but I need advice on how to best support him and make him feel loved while going through his depressive episodes. What are the best things to do, say? I always feel it is me but I know it is just the depression that is talking and I try to remind myself of that. I want him to feel that I understand him and am compassionate towards what he is going through. Please help me in how I can better do this. Thank you
Wow, such a tragic turn of events. Your desire to help him certainly demonstrates your love for him.
When I am depressed I mostly just wanted to be treated normally but left alone. Maybe ask him if there is anything you can do or just give him a kiss on the cheek to let him know that you are there for him. Pick up his slack or understand his need for down time sometimes. Those kinds of things would work best for me.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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Joined
Mar 9, 2012
Messages
20,769
Location
Tigger and Willow's house UK
Hi I just wanted to welcome you to the forum, we're happy to have you here :welcome:

I love your username :)

All you can do is be there for him :hug:
 
G

goldishsoul

Member
Joined
May 1, 2020
Messages
6
Location
canada
Hello and welcome to the forum!
First of all, I'd like to let you know that you're not alone. I'm going through a similar situation except it's with my brother and he's dealing with psychosis after abusing drugs. There are days where its going to be super difficult to deal with it and learn to cope with it but trust me there are going to be better days. There isn't much you can do except be there for him and try to get him to receive a diagnosis so maybe he can start antidepressants. As someone who has experienced depression and what it's like, sometimes we like to be alone just to feel less of a burden on our family or because we don't like being vulnerable in front of others. You should ask him about how he feels and allow him to vent to you in-depth and detail about his emotions. Also try to surprise him with his favourite meals, or gifts, things like that are likely to make him feel wanted and loved.
 
00Bluejay7500 (was Scapes1986)

00Bluejay7500 (was Scapes1986)

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Joined
Apr 10, 2020
Messages
4,604
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My house
When I got sick, my mom took charge. She acted as my care giver, yes. So now we're like best friends. You can move out of the friend zone and become more of his friendly care giver. That's what worked on my physcosis
 
L

Lukcy2019

Well-known member
Joined
May 2, 2019
Messages
47
Location
UK
Hi everyone,

I’m new here and this is my first post, I hope that I came to the right place.
I have been dating my significant other for almost 5 years now and only 3 months into us dating, my loved one was at work when he went to open the safe and had steel boxes fall onto his head. That day everything changed. He suffered from a concussion and after test after test no doctor could really find anything “wrong” but we knew something was off. This hit of his head caused for some sort of imbalance and left him dealing with severe depression, anxiety, mood changes and suicidal thoughts. We’ve since had a child together and he is able to put on a happy face for our toddler but it tears me up inside seeing him deal with what we call the “black dog.” When the black dog comes he bites hard. There are nights where my s/o has left the house and I fear I will never see him again. His love for us is so strong but when you deal with depression as strong as his, no amount of love can make up for the amount of pain you go through each and every day. The pain to wake up and even just pull yourself out of bed let alone be present and active in your young child’s life or to be that loving, caring boyfriend. Our life changed on that day those boxes fell on my boyfriends head but my love for him remains and that is why I am here, to get guidance from you all.
It isn’t easy waking up not knowing which version of him I’ll be getting today but I need advice on how to best support him and make him feel loved while going through his depressive episodes. What are the best things to do, say? I always feel it is me but I know it is just the depression that is talking and I try to remind myself of that. I want him to feel that I understand him and am compassionate towards what he is going through. Please help me in how I can better do this. Thank you


Hi and thanks for sharing!
I believe love is a feeling, and I'm sure your partner knows how much you love him. I guess doctors scanned his head and if there was anything wrong they would tell you. So I think he will recover from depression and anxiety, hopefully soon. I know is not easy to go out these days, however, do you take him out for dinner? How does he react when you buy him a present or a bunch of flowers? I suffer from heavy depression and my poor wife suffering a lot. And she is the one trying so hard to be next to me, and I can feel that. I'm sure you know how batteries work. There are + and - in each battery, and you need both(+ and -) in order to light something up. The relationship is also similar to batteries, 1 needs to be plus and the next minus. I think he's plus at the moment since he's having a hard time, so you need to be the opposite. Men love a new dress, high heels, makeup, beautiful smile, kisses, a nice present.......
I've stopped taking meds a long time ago because they've made me a lot worse. Does he take any meds? I'm sure you are doing a great job to keep him happy and please continue doing that. I really hope he will recover soon.
All the best!!!!!!!!!!!
 
00Bluejay7500 (was Scapes1986)

00Bluejay7500 (was Scapes1986)

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Apr 10, 2020
Messages
4,604
Location
My house
Today 8 went to home depot with my mom. Another good outing
 
DistantOcean

DistantOcean

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May 4, 2020
Messages
151
Location
Netherlands
The most important thing is that your s/o knows he can come to you whenever he needs it. Also make sure to check on him every few hours or so and have a small conversation. Other than that you can give him a spontaneous hug from time to time. Also make sure to listen more than you talk and respond with open-minded questions like 'how are you feeling?' or 'why do you think that?'. It could even help to level with him so he can see your facial expressions more clearly.
 
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