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Dating apps are they ruining are lives

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Frankwill99

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Jun 5, 2020
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8
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Sussex
I feel like dating apps are a waste of time and have a huge impact on my mental well being. Apps like tinder make you feel like rubbish if you don't get any matches or likes you base your self worth on the amount of likes you get it's stupid. It's men that usually that get it the worst their self esteem gets destroyed. Good men have women ignore them or toss them aside. Women obviously feel the pressure to look perfect and that had a negative affect on them aswell. I don't think dating apps help a person's mental health at all.
 
PerpetuallyStuck

PerpetuallyStuck

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May 20, 2020
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They don't help. I've been on one of those sites, and it is all about status. I don't have a job, and never learned to drive. I contacted several women, and not many gave me a reply. I did actually have one contact me themself without me initiating, which is rare, but they weren't comfortable moving past the text stage. I don't mind if I don't connect with others, but it is nice to actually have the chance to try.

These sites are about swiping past/dismissing "unappealing" people, and even if they do like someone, they play mind games and act as if they rule the world or something. Obviously not all women do this, but the majority of women I encountered on the dating site certainly thought A LOT of themselves. There is a culture of ghosting on them. I'm sure it is a hassle if they get hundreds of messages constantly, but if they were to put info on their profile saying "currently dating someone, currently unavailable" then men would understand. They never do that, it's like they are only on there to boost their ego and get validation. Some of these people (men and women) already have partners and use it to try to get "someone better". It's all rather unpleasant and it made me feel anxious using the site. I got my hopes up and felt bitter disappointment. I quit it a few years ago after being on it for a few months. Perhaps if I'd have stayed on it for several years, I may have had some luck, but it felt too draining and hopeless.
 
R_Sxo

R_Sxo

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Apr 24, 2017
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Pyongyang, DPRK
They are good for some people, not so for others. So many people have found happiness and love through these dating apps, so they are definitely helping some people's lives. Of course, if they don't work for you then that's understandable, but I wouldn't paint it all with one brush x
 
Mikrokosmos

Mikrokosmos

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Jun 5, 2020
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66
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Here
they are only on there to boost their ego and get validation. Some of these people (men and women) already have partners and use it to try to get "someone better".
Yep, also, especially it's all about tinder but other similar apps too, this app collecting a huge number of your data.

If I'd meet a woman on tinder or similar app, I'd probably feel so strange, something like I'd "buy the partner in the store"...

That is even better for me to go to the unknown personon the street and start to conversation.

You know, It is special unpleasant for me take the living partner from the site dedicated to looking for a partner. It would give me feeling myself as I'd be in some sense invalid, unhealthy or disabled.
 
Ozymandias

Ozymandias

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Aug 12, 2019
Messages
267
Location
West London
Overall, I've got so many concerns about dating sites/apps that it's hard to bring all of my thoughts together and articulate them coherently. I think the only positive thing I have to say about these resources is that for people who are aesthetically appealing (or who, at least, believe they are), conformist, and who have no moral issues judging others - and being judged themselves - primarily on their looks, then I'm sure they're fantastic. I should probably add 'emotionally resilient' to that as well, seeing as being ignored by people who you approach (particularly relevant for men), and ghosted by those you've established contact with, is seemingly endemic.

However, to my mind, if you're deficient in even one of those respects, and definitely if you're lacking in two or more of them, I really don't see what's in it for you. Indeed, there is evidence that dating apps can damage self-esteem, set people up for a deluge of rejection, facilitate an overwhelming amount of options (the so-called 'Paradox of Choice', which is relevant in many areas of a consumerist society), and lead users to depersonalise others:

How To Use Dating Apps Without Hurting Your Mental Health, According to Experts - Time

The single biggest problem with these facilities that I've both personally experienced (I used a dating website back in 2005, and it crushed my mental health enough that I've never used one since, and would never do so again), and heard others say they've been affected by, is the sheer amount of rejections you can end up enduring. Online, within just days and weeks someone can easily rack up an amount of knockbacks that it'd take months to accumulate in the real world... it's an unnatural level of invalidation, facilitated by artificial means, and as such it risks provoking extremely strong negative reactions as we are not built to cope with that scale of rejection!

I'm increasingly beginning to wonder whether many men receiving such a large volume of knockbacks and being expected to accept this as the norm, as well as the manner of the rejections in many cases - which is to just be ignored as though you're not even worth having your existence acknowledged - is a driving force behind so-called 'incel' culture. After all, male low self-esteem and fear (in this case, the fear of loneliness) often manifest as anger.

If I'd meet a woman on tinder or similar app, I'd probably feel so strange, something like I'd "buy the partner in the store"...
For me this touches on a vulgarity of the methodology... not only does it dehumanise others by reducing them to a list of features, but it represents the infiltration of consumerism into an area of life where it really doesn't belong.

That is even better for me to go to the unknown personon the street and start to conversation.
Honestly, I think this is no longer acceptable to many women, at least not in my country (the UK)... I've gotten the distinct impression that quite a few would consider it to be harassment.
 
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