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Dating a sociopath-

Ras

Ras

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He says he did. He says he ruined his family and left for no good reason. He says he can leave anyone even his own child with no remorse and isn’t a good person. Now he rarely gets to see him and tells me he’s depressed and doesn’t want to see anyone at all in that case.
Is he diagnosed or he just says he is a sociopath?
Sounds like he has remorse if he claims he is depressed for not seeing his son. Doesn't sound like someone who chose to leave him.
 
aboveitall

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I’ve been seeing a guy who says he’s a sociopath and feels nothing for anyone except his son. BUT he abandoned his son and wife (not sure if they’re still married?) to move to California 3000 miles away, for a job that’s not much different from his job back home. He’ll tell me he’s so depressed over missing his son and “ruining his family,” yet he could’ve gone back home for the last 4 years and chooses not to. He says he wants to be left alone bc he’s depressed over only seeing his son every few months. But then why does he not move back home?
He told me if he could leave his family then he could leave anyone (such as me) with no remorse. So is there really any way for me to make a relationship work w him? He’s certainly very interested in sex with me... but when I say I don’t just want cold emotionless sex where I feel like I’m being used, suddenly he doesn’t wish to see me at all. I said something about how he must invite himself over last minute for sex bc he’s out of other options (his social media is just littered with women appearing to be looking for someone) and then he just says no and I’m hacking into his social media. (I am definitely not doing that!)
sounds like a dirty narcissist
 
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tiltawhirl3

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I am sorry to have to put it this way but you are in denial. He is playing you. period. full stop.
 
calypso

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I agree with Tiltawhirl, you are being used and played. You are projecting feelings you want to see in him onto him. Get out of this relationship as fast as you can in my opinion and find a healthier one to centre in on.
 
Ras

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I don't agree with a few other replies. To me from what you wrote it sounds like he is playing himself and maybe he didn't chose to leave his kid and something else went down and now he is trying to claim he is something in a way to shut off any feelings he has about it and combat that depression.
 
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I don't agree with a few other replies. To me from what you wrote it sounds like he is playing himself and maybe he didn't chose to leave his kid and something else went down and now he is trying to claim he is something in a way to shut off any feelings he has about it and combat that depression.
This is really interesting! He says he could’ve had basically his same job but for much less $ where his family was, and less “prestige”/ a less fancy name. Says his wife begged him not to go and ruin their family, but he went anyway due to being selfish & just wanting to be rich. The best I know is that he actually could have his old job back now if he wanted.
he occasionally stops having sex w me because he feels guilty & that it’s against his religion. Then he’ll accuse me of being the one to seduce him, but then he’s sexting me like the next day and everything’s about sex sex sex. And he will sometimes, like now, disappear & say he doesn’t want to see anyone bc he doesn’t want to talk or laugh with anyone bc he’s just depressed over missing his kid. But then why did he leave & why not go back? Or why didn’t his wife follow?
 
Ras

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This is really interesting! He says he could’ve had basically his same job but for much less $ where his family was, and less “prestige”/ a less fancy name. Says his wife begged him not to go and ruin their family, but he went anyway due to being selfish & just wanting to be rich. The best I know is that he actually could have his old job back now if he wanted.
he occasionally stops having sex w me because he feels guilty & that it’s against his religion. Then he’ll accuse me of being the one to seduce him, but then he’s sexting me like the next day and everything’s about sex sex sex. And he will sometimes, like now, disappear & say he doesn’t want to see anyone bc he doesn’t want to talk or laugh with anyone bc he’s just depressed over missing his kid. But then why did he leave & why not go back? Or why didn’t his wife follow?
how long you been with this guy?
the more you write, the more it makes me think he didn't leave his wife and kid out of his choice. I just get that vibe with it and him saying he feels guilty and depressed over not seeing his kid is another red flag towards that especially if he could go back to his old job.
Just a theory but i think even if he went back to that old job, he still wouldnt see his kid. Maybe his wife aint letting him and again he is trying to say he is now something he isnt in a way to try and switch off these feelings he is having.

I dont agree with others here who say he is playing you because if he was doing that, it makes no logical sense this guy would be telling you he is a sociopath and will just leave whenever since he did it to his kid.
there is no logical reason to say those things to you for him to get anything out of that. it just doesnt make sense.
Something i would never think to do if i were using someone or trying to gain anything.

Maybe i am way off with this whole thing this thread interests me as i dont feel anything for anyone except towards my son and there is no way in hell would i ever leave him and the only time that has happened was when he was taken from me.

this guy doesnt sound like a sociopath in the slightest to me
 
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tiltawhirl3

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The label does not matter. sociopath, malignant narcissist, psychopath, covert narcissist.
His words do not matter. Actions speak louder than words.
Maya Angelou says that when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. If we did so, we would have so much less hurt.
Are you feeling loved and cherished?
 
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how long you been with this guy?
the more you write, the more it makes me think he didn't leave his wife and kid out of his choice. I just get that vibe with it and him saying he feels guilty and depressed over not seeing his kid is another red flag towards that especially if he could go back to his old job.
Just a theory but i think even if he went back to that old job, he still wouldnt see his kid. Maybe his wife aint letting him and again he is trying to say he is now something he isnt in a way to try and switch off these feelings he is having.

I dont agree with others here who say he is playing you because if he was doing that, it makes no logical sense this guy would be telling you he is a sociopath and will just leave whenever since he did it to his kid.
there is no logical reason to say those things to you for him to get anything out of that. it just doesnt make sense.
Something i would never think to do if i were using someone or trying to gain anything.

Maybe i am way off with this whole thing this thread interests me as i dont feel anything for anyone except towards my son and there is no way in hell would i ever leave him and the only time that has happened was when he was taken from me.

this guy doesnt sound like a sociopath in the slightest to me
Thanks, this a fascinating theory. There was a time his wife saw a photo of us on social media and he absolutely flipped and said he wasn’t allowed to see his son (either over FaceTime or if he tried to travel and visit in person) for a while. Once he said he still loves her (while making me believe he was flirting with another woman, but he’d also just had phone sex w me). Another time he said he loved her until she abandoned him, and mentions that she was going to move to CA w their child then said no. Also, when he went back home for the first time in 9 months recently, all of my messages from multiple platforms appeared blocked. He said I wasn’t blocked (which I knew was a lie bc I’m tech savvy), but he just turned his phones off because of location tracking and “there’s a reason.”
 
LunaBloodmist

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I’ve been seeing a guy who says he’s a sociopath and feels nothing for anyone except his son. BUT he abandoned his son and wife (not sure if they’re still married?) to move to California 3000 miles away, for a job that’s not much different from his job back home. He’ll tell me he’s so depressed over missing his son and “ruining his family,” yet he could’ve gone back home for the last 4 years and chooses not to. He says he wants to be left alone bc he’s depressed over only seeing his son every few months. But then why does he not move back home?
He told me if he could leave his family then he could leave anyone (such as me) with no remorse. So is there really any way for me to make a relationship work w him? He’s certainly very interested in sex with me... but when I say I don’t just want cold emotionless sex where I feel like I’m being used, suddenly he doesn’t wish to see me at all. I said something about how he must invite himself over last minute for sex bc he’s out of other options (his social media is just littered with women appearing to be looking for someone) and then he just says no and I’m hacking into his social media. (I am definitely not doing that!)
I am in a bit of the same situation. We've built a bond over the past two years, but I think he knew he could not love me the way I need to be. I'm just a way to pass the time. He does not care if he damages himself, or take initiative to help himself. Yet I am always to blame. Don't let him drain you of energy that is better spent on yourself. Sometimes, we choose to ignore red flags, thinking they can change. You are not wrong for trying to see the good in someone. But people like that will take you down with them, all while laughing at your pain.
 
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Gbx83

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I can’t shake the feeling that he just has a very fragile ego and if I were able to convince him that I would never leave him, then he wouldn’t keep running away
 
Ras

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Thanks, this a fascinating theory. There was a time his wife saw a photo of us on social media and he absolutely flipped and said he wasn’t allowed to see his son (either over FaceTime or if he tried to travel and visit in person) for a while
i would think that is enough to go off of that it isnt his choice not to see his kid

Another time he said he loved her until she abandoned him, and mentions that she was going to move to CA w their child then said no. Also, when he went back home for the first time in 9 months recently, all of my messages from multiple platforms appeared blocked. He said I wasn’t blocked (which I knew was a lie bc I’m tech savvy), but he just turned his phones off because of location tracking and “there’s a reason.”
well he is certainly lying to you, that much is clear.
I have already said what i think he is doing and certainly doesnt fit in the sociopath mold so to speak and i am pretty certain he doesnt have a actual diagnosis, am i correct?
sounds like he is depressed and just trying to shut him self off from his feelings and seemingly enough taking it out on you also.

Just my opinion but i would leave him anyway. the guy clearly can not be trusted
 
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Gbx83

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i would think that is enough to go off of that it isnt his choice not to see his kid


well he is certainly lying to you, that much is clear.
I have already said what i think he is doing and certainly doesnt fit in the sociopath mold so to speak and i am pretty certain he doesnt have a actual diagnosis, am i correct?
sounds like he is depressed and just trying to shut him self off from his feelings and seemingly enough taking it out on you also.

Just my opinion but i would leave him anyway. the guy clearly can not be trusted
thanks- is there any progress you think I can make emotionally with him- getting him to feel he could trust me, I would see him through hard times/depression etc?
 
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Gbx83

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I am sure you could get his trust. Better question is can you trust him?
Yeah- I can trust that he isn’t going to be a fairytale and will always have a wandering eye, but for as much as he can let someone in, he’ll let me.
When he’s saying he’s depressed over missing his son and doesn’t want to talk to or see anyone at the moment including me, how am I really supposed to get him to let me in? He’s done this before, shutting me out for this reason, once said he needed a therapist before things got “really bad” but then ended up refusing to get any help bc no one could “bring his kid Back.”
 

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