Dating a man with anxiety and bad childhood

[Jezbb]

I am dating a man who is nearly 24 years old, but alot of the time acts like a 12 year old boy and is nearly incapable of doing anything for himself. He is emotionally immature, still looking for that "puppy love" most of us grow out of at his age. He is also very depressed and suffers from great anxiety. He had a bad chlidhood, his mom had him at 16, almost died from breast cancer and then became an alcoholic, and his mom also always told him his dad hated him and that he was a failure and incapable of doing anything right. He is an amazing person, and I think he is very strong, but he has very many issues. I was wondering if the childlike behavior around me, who is also 23 but who he calls very maternal and "mother-goose" is a coping mechanism? Is this common? How should I help him...can I help him?

 

[SimonB]

Hi

Can you help him? yes. Can you help him on your own?...that's a difficult one!

Have you both talked about this?? And if you have, what did you both decide?

I'm not sure what others will think as we all have our own experiences to draw on, but if you go down the self help root you may not be unable to remain objective about issues that arise, and things have the potential to get tough, especially when the one you love is in such a high state of anxiety he is no longer rational.

Have you considered going to see the GP with him and tellig his story?

I know that my depression in part was triggered in childhood. A trait of that is anxiety, where I constantly fear the bubbles going to burst everything in my mind becomes distorted and unreal where I begin to construct conspiracy theories, when in reality everything is fine. This has been very destructive in the past with relationships for me. It may start of ok and end in a mess.

The other side is if you don't help and walk away the cycle he is in will carry on and feed other potential problems, that said you have to think of yourself first and foremost.

Perhaps if you can talk it over with him and his doc if he is happy for you to attend with him you might get a better solution than self help, that said the NHS can be limited in what it has to offer. There's always counselling that he could go to??

It may be simpler, but that's rare, there is often a root to these things.

Simon