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Dark Thoughs

invise

invise

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Dec 11, 2008
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192
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Aberdeen
Last night I got these really dark racing thoughts when I was trying to sleep, they scared me nearly to death. My head started to get really hot and almost feel like its burning, something I get often. But I could not stop thoughts running through my head. I tried to force myself to think of nice things, but every time I did they turned terrible. Take for example me trying to think of having my own place. it turned into me having a flat mate, and then chatting to them. Then arguing. Then I lost it and brutally murdered them. The entire time I had this feeling, almost an urge, all the way through my body that this was right, it was acceptable, and that it was something that I needed to do. Like I could not possibly have lived or understand life until I do this.
In reality of course this would never ever happen. I am an extremely patient and passive person, and rarely even shout at someone.
Why am I getting these kind of thoughts? I cant stop them and they scare me horribly.
 
unlucky

unlucky

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sweets, i'm no pyschologist but maybe its because you are so patient and passive that you're getting these thoughts. its maybe you saying i'm sick of being patient and passive and being walked all over, i just want to shout and scream and let people know i'm here and i have a voice and an opinion too!!
:oops:My good god, you can tell i'm just out the pyschiatrists can't you??
I hope you're feeling better soon xx
 
invise

invise

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Dec 11, 2008
Messages
192
Location
Aberdeen
Yeah, I got a fun filled appointment later today!!! Maybe your right, there are a lot of things I just want to blurt out at people. I want to leave my gf, but then I love her like crazy, then I hate her, then I need her. And life at home is the same, sometimes its fine, other times its hell. I want to get away so badly, but my parents put a firm foot down saying no. Thing is, I can afford it by myself, so I dont need them. Some times I wish I could just say bugger it all, and do exactly what I want. But then Id hurt so many people, and thats just selfish isnt it? My head hurts.
 
keepsafe

keepsafe

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Dec 15, 2008
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13,625
Hey Invise - blurt the stuff out at your appointment - surpressed impulses tend to fester. I don;t mean go out and murder someone cos you thought of it and yes it is scary - I often envision myself with a knife harming myself or someone else - nearly everyday in fact - but yes it doesn;t mean it will happen.

Hope you are ok and your appointment goes ok
:hug:
KS
Its not selfish to want to do something for yourself. Going away and getting away may not be the answer though - you are always going to take yourself with you. I think it is the answer but yeah then I remember myself and my others have to come with me! Perhaps some therapy may be a good thing
Sorry you may already have it , I don;t know.
Take Care anyway
KS
 
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unlucky

unlucky

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Its really difficult, I'm very non confrontational as well and I sometimes feel like some primal screamings in order!! As KS says its not good to let things fester but then if you really don't know your own mind just now it might be best to stay quiet!! I don't think its a good idea to move out till your in a better frame of mind - at least just now you've got people around you to support you if you feel dangerous. When I stayed alone it just gave me license to do what I wanted and with my self harming it was the worst thing possible for me and in the end I landed in hospital.
No-one can make decisions for you though and although its easier sometimes to just do what others think is best for you it does make you feel worse cos you feel like a sap for not making your own decisions (thats just my personal experience).
 

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