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Dark Nothing-Matters World (TW phys assault)

indigoroad

indigoroad

Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2020
Messages
23
Location
Oops
I guess im just dissociating?
Whenever I think about being in a stressful situation (or whenever I am in one), the world around me disappears and im left in a dark space where I feel the need to attack whoever im angry with, or just whoever comes up in my mind first.

Sometimes I will watch a show that has a fight in it and then it'll happen. Everything goes dark, I only see my hands and my victim, I get a real strong urge to go for it. And when i'm in that space I really could not care about law or morals or whatever.
Im ASSUMING it's PTSD even though it's not technically a flashback, and a lot of the time these situations are completely hypothetical/imagined but it really feels real. And I wouldn't even say it bothers me? It just is a thing that happens and it happens soooo much lmao like how long it finna be till I decide to hell with it?

Anyway

I don't know
I don't know what im talking about.
 
S

SunnyDaze

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2017
Messages
4,338
Location
The couch
Do you have a PTSD diagnosis?

While everyone's PTSD symptoms will vary I'm not so sure what yours may be. It's def worth talking to a professional about.
 
L

Lorr

New member
Joined
Jan 7, 2022
Messages
4
Location
Dundee
I think my ptsd closes me off from everything. My world is basically inside my head so I think I know what you mean. If I’m off my meds I feel so angry I could go off at any one…..including the kids and they are basically the only people I speak to. when I get to that point I pick up the phone to my psychologist (which i hate to do) but they can usually help me see the difference between my ”wise” mind and “emotional“ mind. Do you have someone to help you? x
 
indigoroad

indigoroad

Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2020
Messages
23
Location
Oops
I think my ptsd closes me off from everything. My world is basically inside my head so I think I know what you mean. If I’m off my meds I feel so angry I could go off at any one…..including the kids and they are basically the only people I speak to. when I get to that point I pick up the phone to my psychologist (which i hate to do) but they can usually help me see the difference between my ”wise” mind and “emotional“ mind. Do you have someone to help you? x
nah, im going to a doctor on the 17th but somehow I feel like I'll probably never bring it up with a professional bc they're legally obligated to lock you up if they think you're a danger..
there wasn't much that I said that wouldn't be interpreted as dangerous
 
L

Lorr

New member
Joined
Jan 7, 2022
Messages
4
Location
Dundee
nah, im going to a doctor on the 17th but somehow I feel like I'll probably never bring it up with a professional bc they're legally obligated to lock you up if they think you're a danger..
there wasn't much that I said that wouldn't be interpreted as dangerous
I think you should. Honestly it takes a lot to get locked up believe me I’ve been there. But you do have to be honest and up front about things to get whatever help you need. Like I said sometimes i hate to admit to the people I need to that I need help but it really is the only way. If you have a professional that you can trust it makes a huge difference. I have struggled with my ptsd for years and last year i tried EMDR, it’s not easy but has definitely helped, maybe you could ask about that. Have tried everything thing else including electric shock and its helped me cope with a lot x
 
Casey Cat

Casey Cat

Formerly 24thMAU
Joined
Aug 21, 2021
Messages
81
Location
Ammon, ID
@indigoroad Believe me, I've told many mental health professionals much worse than what you have outlined here. WAY WORSE. They are only obligated if you are currently a threat to others and/or yourself. Thinking these things won't get you "locked up." Planning it out and making steps toward doing so will. Just the mere thinking about it won't.
 
indigoroad

indigoroad

Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2020
Messages
23
Location
Oops
@Lorr glad it worked out for you but where I live it's a little different.

I once wrote a poem about how this one girls mom died and a teacher at school found it and they threatened to call the police, and ever since my answer to whether or not I have thought of hurting other people is always "no". the doctors here are very annoying.
 
B

BlueOx

Member
Joined
Jan 18, 2022
Messages
9
Location
UK
It sounds like it could be a form of dissociation and a psychologist might be really helpful to make sense of things! Like the others said, having thoughts or images isn't the same as actually hurting anyone.

[moderation]

It basically explains that our 'window' of how much stress we can tolerate decreases when we have experienced traumas and too much stress can lead to dissociation. Then the second one is saying about how the way we respond to stressful or threatening situations now becomes an automatic response that our brains have learnt as the best way to help us survive. For some people their automatic go-to response might be freeze, others might be flight/run away and some is to fight.
 
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