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Dark Night of the (Not) Soul.

Parayana

Parayana

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Joined
Jan 22, 2012
Messages
2,456
@dewey, I had a relationship with someone with BPD who I loved very dearly, if she didn't use soo much alcohol to deal with her emotions and I hadn't wanted to solrt my drinking out I would still be with her now, it was the msot intensely passionate relationship I've ever been in so I have a little insight into the condition. She wasn't diagnosed then but I suspected she had BPD. I'm usually up in the early hours even though I think your in a different time zone, I'm here to talk anytime.

I will tell you this though it took me a few years of meditation to start to break the Paranoid responses and thoughts and I couldn't do it without meds, however, the results were worth it.
 
Parayana

Parayana

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 22, 2012
Messages
2,456
@dewey, I enjoyed the conversation and if I wans't on here talking to you I'd only be playing video games (well I snuck off to meditate for twenty minutes a couple of times. :D).
 
D

dewey

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Joined
Jan 16, 2019
Messages
1,027
@dewey, I had a relationship with someone with BPD who I loved very dearly, if she didn't use soo much alcohol to deal with her emotions and I hadn't wanted to solrt my drinking out I would still be with her now, it was the msot intensely passionate relationship I've ever been in so I have a little insight into the condition. She wasn't diagnosed then but I suspected she had BPD. I'm usually up in the early hours even though I think your in a different time zone, I'm here to talk anytime.

I will tell you this though it took me a few years of meditation to start to break the Paranoid responses and thoughts and I couldn't do it without meds, however, the results were worth it.
Thank you, that's very kind.
I'm glad the medication and the meditation helped you. Yeah, I can imagine it must have taken a hell of a lot of time and patience. I am not sure I am patient enough.
I've done kinds of meditation from youtube videos a few times, but not regularly at all. To be honest, it kind of scares me a bit, because I know how crazy I can get and the ideas I can start having. Meditating kind of seems like going to a different realm almost
 
Parayana

Parayana

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Joined
Jan 22, 2012
Messages
2,456
Meditation teaches you patience, I'm the most impatient person I know, trust me, ask my ex! Lol. It can be a bit scary sometimes some of the shit your mind can throw at you.
 
Parayana

Parayana

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Jan 22, 2012
Messages
2,456
Weird thing is when I was internally chanting Nembutsu earlier my Tardive Dyskenesia stopped which hasn't happened with Anapanasati for ages.
 
Parayana

Parayana

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Jan 22, 2012
Messages
2,456
Even to define it as existing or not existing is still trying to define what is beyond definition. It is as it is, suchness as they say in Zen.
 
Parayana

Parayana

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Joined
Jan 22, 2012
Messages
2,456
Beyond both existence and non-existence is the me that is not me.
 
Parayana

Parayana

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Joined
Jan 22, 2012
Messages
2,456
I think I have the stink of Zen about me.
 
Parayana

Parayana

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Joined
Jan 22, 2012
Messages
2,456
My sense of self is scared of losing it's control and is hitting me with a lot of addictive behaviours, I have a lot of answers but can I take the risk of taking meditation any further? Do I want to? It's not all blissed out smiles and moments of joyful insight that is for sure.
 
Kerome

Kerome

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Joined
Sep 29, 2013
Messages
12,751
Location
Europe
I was listening to a meditation teacher the other day, and he was saying that a lot of people encounter meditative experiences while running. Mindful walking is popular too, or yoga. If you don’t want to do standard meditations they might be of help?

Addictive behaviour is odd, I’ve had a brush with alcohol and its like your good judgment gets eroded while your bliss is tuned in. When I got close to that feeling I thought it was best to just get entirely away from it.
 
J

Jules5

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Joined
Jan 27, 2019
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1,742
Location
Florida
Hi Parayana I am so glad you did not give into the drugs or alcohol. Wonder what you have touched deep down that made you feel this way. Be on alert.

I am happy that you are above this craving for drugs right now. You are on a great journey thanks for sharing it with us. Hugs Jules
 
Parayana

Parayana

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Joined
Jan 22, 2012
Messages
2,456
I've come to the concluwsion that there is an energy out there, even to call it God or Buddha is to seek to define it, it's beyond all such limitations, it is loving, caring and forgiving, it manifests in different places in differnet forms, it just IS. The advantage of Buddhist techniques is that they suppress the thinking mind and allow you to directly feel it, the Buddha said even attachment to his teachings has to be given up in the end. As Bob Marley sang - There's a natural mystic blowing through the air, if listen carefully you will hear.....
 
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