damned if i do, double damned if i don't

[thefool]

I'm in my late 30's and I've been tackling my low self esteem and depression with drink and drugs for about 20 years.
a year ago I finally made up my mind to speak to my GP and seek help.
Despite never having had time off work before. he shamed me into going back (i'd been off for a few weeks) by saying a man should be at work. since then I'd been waiting for an assessment and the treatment recommendation I've just been given is intensive therapy 5 hours a day, 5 days a week for 18 months.
As I work full time, i can't do this because they would stop paying me after six months. So after all the waiting and hoping I can be fixed, it's all been for nothing. Having the treatment will destroy my life, not having it means i'll destroy it myself.
Could do with a rock to crawl under

 

[keepsafe]

Welcome and wow that is incredibly difficult - but you know your health should come first and if you are being offered that kind of treatment well I would say you are lucky maybe - although it would be full on I would expect - do you feel that you are unwell enough for this treatment - if the answer is yes then you should know what decision to make.

Sorry I know it isn;t that easy

KS

 

[schizzzoid]

I agree with Keepsafe! It's about the quality of your life, you can continue to work and take drugs and drink, but, how long will you last? Both have side effects, and the first thing to suffer (besides you!) will be your work.

I had a breakdown in my late 30's after a lifetime of coping similarily to you, I was hospitalised and, subsequently, lost my job. It was probably the best thing that happened to me, as I then entered into therapy (3x 6 hour days for 12 months, which I did twice!), I still have to live on benefits, I don't drink, and I only smoke weed now and again - no more pills or powders - I am far happier in myself, have more confidence, my comunication skills are 1000% better than they were... I could go on... I realise that therapy isn't for everyone (although I've NEVER met anyone that couldn't use some!), but, you don't know until you try! Jobs can be replaced, you can't.

By the way, your GP is a sexist pig! A man should be at work indeed!

 

[thefool]

Thanks for your thoughts Ks + Schizzoid.
I've gotten so used to just doing risky things in the hope of an early death, it feels strange to include my health in any decision.
However, I've written and told them I won't be able to have the treatment.
I'm too scared I guess. I assume they'll just accept my decision because of my job being jeopardised.