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Dad issues

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Gem37

Member
Joined
May 16, 2021
Messages
6
Location
Lincolnshire
Hi all
I’m new but just had a call with my dad whom I haven’t seen for over a year due to covid or mainly due to the fact that he is using it as an excuse not to see me. We are travelling up near him next weekend and I asked if we could pop in for a coffee his response being ‘we aren’t mixing with anyone in doors especially if you haven’t had both your vaccines.’ Cos of my age I haven’t even been invited for my first! So he said he didn’t want us to drop in ! Part of me doesn’t even want to have a jab now cos what’s the point ?! I told him that as him and his wife have had both their vaccines that they wouldn’t get it from me anyway but he then started saying it’s not 100% effective so he could still catch it … part of me thinking why bother having your vaccine then if your not going to see anybody? Am I just being selfish / inconsiderate or is this just twatish behaviour ? Thanks Gem
 
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Sugaree

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Feb 21, 2021
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294
Location
California
Hi and welcome gem. It’s not just you,everything about covid makes no sense. People are scared and confused. Your dad is probably scared. I know elderly people in my family are vaccinated and still afraid of getting covid. It has caused alot of hurt and confusion in my family.I don’t think you are being selfish. I just hope all this doesn’t divide families but I think it will.
 
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Gem37

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Joined
May 16, 2021
Messages
6
Location
Lincolnshire
Thanks I’m sure you’re right and that perhaps he is just scared but sometimes it just feels like an excuse why he doesn’t want to see me . I guess it’s cos I’m not scared of covid that I don’t really see from his point of view . Plus just seems crazy to think that once everyone is vaccinated twice that it will all just miraculously disappear ?! I guess I just feel pushed out and have done since he met his new wife; it feels like he’s not really bothered with me/anyone else since he met her and now covid has arrived its just another excuse why he doesn’t have to see me.
 
Pithers1971GB

Pithers1971GB

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May 6, 2021
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@Gem37 , this must be really difficult for you to understand why he is pushing you away ?
 
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Gem37

Member
Joined
May 16, 2021
Messages
6
Location
Lincolnshire
All I can think is because he has all he needs with his new mrs and her family so doesn’t need me anymore 😢 perhaps I’m just a burden and a reminder of his past that him / new wife doesn’t really want
 
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RTLP

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Joined
Apr 13, 2020
Messages
98
Location
London
I'm sorry for your father's behavior. A clever way of seeing what's really happening is asking yourself if your father had this patern before covid. Even if the answer is yes and generally doesn't want to see you be sure that this has nothing to do with you but with him. Normal parents love their children because are theirs and normal children love their parents because are theirs. Unfortunately this is not the case for everyone and some people just pay for sins that other have committed.
 
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2Much2Feel

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Joined
Apr 24, 2021
Messages
1,196
Location
US
All I can think is because he has all he needs with his new mrs and her family so doesn’t need me anymore 😢 perhaps I’m just a burden and a reminder of his past that him / new wife doesn’t really want
Hey, Gem37, welcome to the forum. Sorry for the pain he is causing you. I'd try your best to not jump to the conclusion that he has cut you out b/c of his new wife, as this time period (covid) is a hard time to judge anything, as @Sugaree said, it's a confusing and anxious time for a lot of people, particularly the elderly. It's just a crazy time and probably best to not make any big decisions on relationships I guess.

What about meeting outside with a mask? This is what I've done w my parents to put their minds at ease more. In any case, welcome to the forum and I really hope you find it helpful. Just a weird time...
 
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Gem37

Member
Joined
May 16, 2021
Messages
6
Location
Lincolnshire
I'm sorry for your father's behavior. A clever way of seeing what's really happening is asking yourself if your father had this patern before covid. Even if the answer is yes and generally doesn't want to see you be sure that this has nothing to do with you but with him. Normal parents love their children because are theirs and normal children love their parents because are theirs. Unfortunately this is not the case for everyone and some people just pay for sins that other have committed.
He wasn’t like it till he met his new wife him and my mum were good friends and they often used to come together to see me even though they’d been divorced years before. When he met his new wife he has even stopped talking to my mum and never mentions her anymore. This years before covid and we only ever see him at Christmas birthdays and Father’s Day in the main . He’ll never invite us over just to ‘see’ us and now covid well he doesn’t want us to even drop in . I know it’s not me but I guess it only affects me - he prob hasn’t even given his rejection a second thought
 
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Gem37

Member
Joined
May 16, 2021
Messages
6
Location
Lincolnshire
Hey, Gem37, welcome to the forum. Sorry for the pain he is causing you. I'd try your best to not jump to the conclusion that he has cut you out b/c of his new wife, as this time period (covid) is a hard time to judge anything, as @Sugaree said, it's a confusing and anxious time for a lot of people, particularly the elderly. It's just a crazy time and probably best to not make any big decisions on relationships I guess.

What about meeting outside with a mask? This is what I've done w my parents to put their minds at ease more. In any case, welcome to the forum and I really hope you find it helpful. Just a weird time...
Yes it’s a good idea but weather in the U.K. is very hit and miss and my partner doesn’t like the idea of sitting outside in awful weather neither do I to be quite honest !
I know covid is an added complication you’d think the whole thing would bring ppl closer but he refuses to do video calls etc so he’s not willing to work around the covid issue I literally haven’t seen him for nearly a year even a videocall would had been something in these difficult times
 
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