Crying on the stairs

Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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I'm so angry.. not like I'm mad.. no like I want to burn this house down so angry.. all my anger build up so much.. my hormones are high because of lady things so it's extra intense..

Want to run.. run so hard that I will pass out..
But I can't here it's to dangerous. The dogs will attack me..

I want to punch.. yell at ... SH so bad like iv never done...

I'm shaking of anger.. I'm scarf of hurting someone else.. I walked away from J for his safy...

Inhale.. exhale... Inhale... Exhale...
Sitting on the stairs crying my eyes out..
Want to run.. need to run...

🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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Punished myself with a ice shower.. it hurts but doesn't harm. Did it help? 5% but better something than nothing..
 
L

Lunar Lady

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Odd little trick of mine might help you:

I find a sizeable stone and hold it in my hand. Sit quietly - picturing all the red rage flow from my heart and mind down my arm and into the stone - focusing so hard on the image, I can feel it. Could take 2 minutes or 20 minutes but I feel the sensation draining out of me and going into the rock.

Once I'm calm and empty - I throw the rock as hard as I can away from me. (Usually in the sea)

Hope you can exorcise those emotions safely without harming yourself :hug: x
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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Thanks I don't know if I can be that quiet for so long. I would trow it at someone I'm afraid. In this case to J.

I don't want to but I was so mad..
 
L

Lunar Lady

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You can stay mad at J if you want to - it will mean you feeling increasingly more emotional and irritated and miserable...it can culminate in an argument and ill-feeling that will ruin the rest of the day and keep you awake for most of the coming night. You can 'act out' and then despise yourself for your own behaviour...resort to SH and then feel guilty and weak because you did.

You can also choose to let go of the feeling.

You are blessed to be in the most beautiful, wondrous place. For most people, you're having the dream holiday of a lifetime - stunning scenery and warm weather...new cultural experiences.

You can choose to enjoy all these sensations NOW.

Whatever has made you angry with J doesn't mean you're going to leave him. In three months time you won't remember what made you angry today - you'll just look at your own photos and wish you could remember feeling good.

You can squeeze a rock as hard as you want - it won't break. Pour as much negativity into it as you want to - it won't crumble or be any different. Throw it with the force of all your hatred - it will just bounce and land, still intact.

Keep all those toxic feelings inside of you and they'll destroy this holiday...your relationship...your future...your health.

So find a rock...:hug: x
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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Its the middle of the night so that's a problem. Plus it's not all against J.

J is all forgiven. I was just really tired and on my period and that's a horrible combination.

I'm not angry anymore. I have to care for J. He is really sick.. he is trowing up because of migraines. So it's my duty to care for him not to get dehydrated
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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And I love j but I lost my temper tonight. Sometimes that will happen.. I called myself down with music, took a ice shower, did cry and then I felt a lot better.
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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I understand that this is everyone dream vacation. But I can't do anything about my depression. I'm getting help after the trip..

Also my Sh thoughts are not something I enjoy either. But they are there. Can't help it. Again this is my headspace. Things I can't say to my loved once because of a view reasons.

I try to enjoy everything. The worst side en inner feelings you read here because I have know one to talk to.
 
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