Crumbling ever so slowly

H

HarvestMoon

New member
Joined
Mar 24, 2019
Messages
2
Location
USA
#1
I do not understand why/how my depressive episodes hit so intensely. I can handle life, I can handle my responsibilities, I can handle juggling relationships and work. Even though I will feel fine, it slowly creeps up and pulls me down so quietly I don’t have time to fight. I haven’t been able to sleep because of this feeling of dread and depersonalization. I haven’t been able to show joy in my relationship that I am very much happy in because this voice (negative conscience) is just telling me that our relationship will not work out (we’re getting married soon). My depression has a way of tearing apart my foundations and rooting in the decay it leaves behind. I am truly tired of the fight.
 
megirl

megirl

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Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
5,664
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#3
Hi and welcome.
I often had similar where I would think I'm doing ok, then bang! It would hit me.
Don't give up life will get better.
Getting married is a huge thing,a lot to get organised,people your plans,venue its exciting however I found it was quite stressful the process making sure everything's going to work out for the big day.
Depression can be quite sneaky at times. Sometimes you can pinpoint the triggers other times not so easy.
Its great to acknowledge its happening then ask what can I do to make it better.
My advice is to see a GP for help.
Everything will get better, truly.

Have you tried meds in the past for depression
 
H

HarvestMoon

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Joined
Mar 24, 2019
Messages
2
Location
USA
#4
Thank you for your response, yes I have but Everytime I have tried a medication I have not reacted to it positively
 
K

Kayleebipo

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Joined
Apr 3, 2019
Messages
17
Location
Manchester
#5
I understand your fight I really do I feel exactly the same. I'm constantly fighting daily to hold on to my life and I just cannot seem to find the strength anymore to do so. My relationship is in tatters and my kids dont even know me anymore. I had it all then one day this dark depressive mood just took over and ruined it all. Its now a daily battle to try and survive. I'm taking quitiapine and it's literally not helping me one bit
 
K

Kayleebipo

Member
Joined
Apr 3, 2019
Messages
17
Location
Manchester
#6
I understand your fight I really do I feel exactly the same. I'm constantly fighting daily to hold on to my life and I just cannot seem to find the strength anymore to do so. My relationship is in tatters and my kids dont even know me anymore. I had it all then one day this dark depressive mood just took over and ruined it all. Its now a daily battle to try and survive. I'm taking quitiapine and it's literally not helping me one bit
 
M

missme

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 28, 2019
Messages
267
Location
NZ
#7
I do not understand why/how my depressive episodes hit so intensely. I can handle life, I can handle my responsibilities, I can handle juggling relationships and work. Even though I will feel fine, it slowly creeps up and pulls me down so quietly I don’t have time to fight. I haven’t been able to sleep because of this feeling of dread and depersonalization. I haven’t been able to show joy in my relationship that I am very much happy in because this voice (negative conscience) is just telling me that our relationship will not work out (we’re getting married soon). My depression has a way of tearing apart my foundations and rooting in the decay it leaves behind. I am truly tired of the fight.
Do you have stress in your life? I find having stress in my life helps to make me go down into the deep dark hole. Find things that help you destress, preferably not substances! (That was not implying anything by the way)
 
A

Ambivalence

Active member
Joined
Apr 4, 2019
Messages
39
Location
The Philippines
#8
Sometimes it helps to just let yourself be depressed and accept it for a moment. Don’t try to worsen it, but don’t try to make it better either. You can go back to thinking positive later, but for now, your emotions sound like they need rest. Forcing positive thinking often makes it easy for negative thinking to repeat in your head even more. Search the mindfulness RAIN technique for more.
 
A

Angelwingsrose

Member
Joined
Apr 6, 2019
Messages
6
Location
California
#9
I
I do not understand why/how my depressive episodes hit so intensely. I can handle life, I can handle my responsibilities, I can handle juggling relationships and work. Even though I will feel fine, it slowly creeps up and pulls me down so quietly I don’t have time to fight. I haven’t been able to sleep because of this feeling of dread and depersonalization. I haven’t been able to show joy in my relationship that I am very much happy in because this voice (negative conscience) is just telling me that our relationship will not work out (we’re getting married soon). My depression has a way of tearing apart my foundations and rooting in the decay it leaves behind. I am truly tired of the fight.
I completely understand as I have the same symptoms and feelings. Are you on any medications? I tried SO many and finally gave up until a year ago and then my doctor put me on Lamictal. It made a huge difference this past year. The past few months I’ve fallen back into being depressed so I know I need to probably get an increase in dosage. Bottom line for those of us who suffer it’s a lifelong battle. Is your fiancé able to be supportive? Hang in there.
 

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