T
Thumbelina
Active member
- Joined
- Sep 15, 2008
- Messages
- 34
Hi everyone
I stopped my work in early August as I was suffering from extreme stress and overwhelm. I just couldn't go in one morning even though I had driven to work intending to go in as normal. I just couldn't bear it any longer.
It was a new job which I had started 8 weeks previously and there was a lot to deal with and get sorted as so many things were needing attention and systems weren't in place. I set myself the goal of making 3 changes for the better every day and I was making good progress- or so I thought- but it all just got too much and I couldn't continue.
I also had a very difficult divorce situation which lasted 3 years just prior to starting this job.
I felt dreadful at first about letting down my boss, the staff and all my clients but that faded as I knew there was no way that I could do a good job in my state of mind.
I was prescribed 20mg citalopram and propanolol but i took neither. I have been through the cycle of taking antidepressants many times in my life and I have always fantasised about facing things without drugs and having time off from my responsibilities to do this. To let things surface without having to shut it down to get the work face on.
I have very good support from a therapist who is doing inner child work with me and I feel that the wee child in me has come forward and has really needed this space and time to be heard. I have body memories of terrible fear and have had numerous episodes of depression and low self esteem throughout the years.
I also have contact with a very good psychotherapist and have good understanding friends.
I have been using the time off to have therapy sessions, journal and really look after myself but I cannot do this ALL the time and it is hard now to fill my days constructively - I feel sick as I have arranged to meet with my boss tomorrow- at the workplace ( my suggestion) so that I can get a sense of how I feel when I am back in that enviroment.
I have no idea what I am going to say to him- and he has been very good about me being off and hasn't intruded but will obviously need to know a time frame for me returning...or not.
I am fortunate that financially I can afford to have a good few months off work yet but I am so concerned that I am fooling myself- that I have become far too introspective and self indulgent and am using this an excuse not to get out and do a day's work.
I have worked in the same profession for 24 years and have been succesful.
It is an enormous mental battle for me now to make the decision as to whether I bite the bullet and go back with the risk of sinking back into overwhelm or whether I opt out of that position and do more inner work and hopefully I will be rewarded with a clearer outlook. Should I just take the tablets so that I get a day's work done and engage with "normality" again?Or should I not give in to outside pressures to be out working and keep progressing with my own inner journey?
I feel sick thinking about this decision.
I would really welcome feedback from anyone who has the time or inclination.
Thank you
Thumbelina
I stopped my work in early August as I was suffering from extreme stress and overwhelm. I just couldn't go in one morning even though I had driven to work intending to go in as normal. I just couldn't bear it any longer.
It was a new job which I had started 8 weeks previously and there was a lot to deal with and get sorted as so many things were needing attention and systems weren't in place. I set myself the goal of making 3 changes for the better every day and I was making good progress- or so I thought- but it all just got too much and I couldn't continue.
I also had a very difficult divorce situation which lasted 3 years just prior to starting this job.
I felt dreadful at first about letting down my boss, the staff and all my clients but that faded as I knew there was no way that I could do a good job in my state of mind.
I was prescribed 20mg citalopram and propanolol but i took neither. I have been through the cycle of taking antidepressants many times in my life and I have always fantasised about facing things without drugs and having time off from my responsibilities to do this. To let things surface without having to shut it down to get the work face on.
I have very good support from a therapist who is doing inner child work with me and I feel that the wee child in me has come forward and has really needed this space and time to be heard. I have body memories of terrible fear and have had numerous episodes of depression and low self esteem throughout the years.
I also have contact with a very good psychotherapist and have good understanding friends.
I have been using the time off to have therapy sessions, journal and really look after myself but I cannot do this ALL the time and it is hard now to fill my days constructively - I feel sick as I have arranged to meet with my boss tomorrow- at the workplace ( my suggestion) so that I can get a sense of how I feel when I am back in that enviroment.
I have no idea what I am going to say to him- and he has been very good about me being off and hasn't intruded but will obviously need to know a time frame for me returning...or not.
I am fortunate that financially I can afford to have a good few months off work yet but I am so concerned that I am fooling myself- that I have become far too introspective and self indulgent and am using this an excuse not to get out and do a day's work.
I have worked in the same profession for 24 years and have been succesful.
It is an enormous mental battle for me now to make the decision as to whether I bite the bullet and go back with the risk of sinking back into overwhelm or whether I opt out of that position and do more inner work and hopefully I will be rewarded with a clearer outlook. Should I just take the tablets so that I get a day's work done and engage with "normality" again?Or should I not give in to outside pressures to be out working and keep progressing with my own inner journey?
I feel sick thinking about this decision.
I would really welcome feedback from anyone who has the time or inclination.
Thank you
Thumbelina
