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Criticism Hypersensitivity

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WhySoSerious

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So... I've come to realise that one of my main problems is that I am hypersensitive to any perceived criticism in my work-place. I generally don't have this problem much anymore in my home life but I will constantly seek out acceptance, praise and reassurance that I am doing a good job ALL of the time. Over the past few months this has worsened as I went from a job I was proficient in to a job I have not really done before. I was highly respected in my last position, getting rave reviews and winning awards. To go from that to working with hyper-efficient people who have been doing the job years has kicked the crap out of me!

My new colleagues are supervisors are not the praise types. They do praise and validate but its never quite enough. I find myself constantly asking if its good enough and I can tell they are getting a little tired of reassuring me. I can see why! Every day I ask if its "been done ok" and the time they spent reassuring me means they can't get their work done. I work in an environment where you shouldn't need constant praise - its a highly professional environment and everyone expects you to do the job without much fuss (I am ONLY doing what everyone else is doing, nothing over and beyond the call of duty).

Does anyone else have this? I have been trying my hardest to ask "do you need to ask if its ok today?" and I have a stop sign on my laptop to prompt me to stop, think, take a moment, reflect on WHY I am asking and to take the effective position. I don't NEED to be told it is ok but I have this massive complex about being "perfect" and this leads to anxiety.

Thoughts would be welcome! Anything that can help me move through this. I will try anything!
Please don't tell me it's okay to ask and get reassurance! That is a fast-track to reliance on others for self-esteem and that's not cool IMO!
 
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sab1978

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So what happens if you don’t ask?
 
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Nukelavee

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I understand how you feel. I'm currently doing my first paid fiction writing in 25 years, and I get the same kind of "but is this ok?" constantly in my mind.

I mean, I've already been paid for part of it, and I still question if it's actually what people want, despite positive feedback.

Keep in mind, you got the job because they felt you were capable of it. I assume there were other potential candidates, but, you, YOU! were chosen. It implies they think you can do what they need.

No news is good news. If you weren't meeting the minimum expectations, you'd know. Co-workers don't like carrying dead weight.

You were good at your last job, you'll be good at this one.

Just keep reminding yourself of those points when you feel self doubt. Double check your work if you have to, but keep reminding yourself that if you were screwing up or slacking, in their eyes, you'd find out pretty fast.
 
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Princess Zelda

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I'm very sensitive to criticism too. I get upset easily and think people are against me. I try to remind myself that people are just offering honest advice to help me improve and it's all about improving. I try to view their criticism in an understanding way. But it's not easy, I know. :hug1:
 
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WhySoSerious

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So what happens if you don’t ask?
It eats away at me. I end up getting so worked up that I am shit and go a little crazy for a while.
 
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WhySoSerious

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Thanks all :) I know it doesn't make sense but I still feel it. Ill get there!
 
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sab1978

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It eats away at me. I end up getting so worked up that I am shit and go a little crazy for a while.
Are you able to sit with those feelings without acting on them, until they pass? No distractions...just breathing through them?
 
Lance__

Lance__

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Thanks all :) I know it doesn't make sense but I still feel it. Ill get there!
It does make sense to me, as I'm also hypersensitive to criticism and rejection, and can understand your struggles. I found it curious that you mentioned it only occurs in the workplace, but not at other environment. Did you had a bad experience in the workplace in the past?
In my case my need for external validation is because of core beliefs like 'I'm not good enough', 'I'm not lovable', or 'I'm bad/defective', that were created during childhood. I believe the key to stop needing constant external reassurance is to learn to love myself genuinly. If I love myself, I wouldn't have the need for external validation, because 'I' would be enough to feel good with myself. But I know it's easier to say it than to do it hahaha I'm still in this journey working on it. I know hypersensitivity to criticism/rejection can be like a living hell. Hope you the best :hug:
 
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Girl interupted

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It takes anywhere from six months to a year to become proficient in a new job. These high expectations, I assure you, are only in your mind, not theirs.

Why do I know this? Because we are twins. I am the same overachiever that you are, and my brain will often sabotage me into thinking silence means bad things.

And if we are indeed twins, you will have an almost irrational desire to go job hunting and flee.

Dont.

Put your head down, do your work, then when you feel more steady take on projects, come up with ideas that innovate.

I have had to force myself to endure in my most recent job. My instinct was to flee. The first two years were very hard.

Then something happened. My work started getting noticed, demand for me specifically for very complicated professional projects increased, my voice started to be heard. It made me grateful that I didn’t run.

Theres a skill in dbt that talks about mastery. Look it up. It talks about building on successive wins, no matter how small, to build resiliency. That’s what you need to do now.

Get through a day without soliciting feedback? That’s a win.

Get a decent night’s sleep? A win.

Finish your work faster than everyone else? Another win.

Bail out a colleague who’s drowning? Another win.

The point being these masteries are done by you, for you. And you become your own feedback.
 
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Orphanannie89

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Thanks all :) I know it doesn't make sense but I still feel it. Ill get there!
It does make sense, my love. I have the exact same feelings. I am not sure either how to control it. Xx
 
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WhySoSerious

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It does make sense to me, as I'm also hypersensitive to criticism and rejection, and can understand your struggles. I found it curious that you mentioned it only occurs in the workplace, but not at other environment. Did you had a bad experience in the workplace in the past?
In my case my need for external validation is because of core beliefs like 'I'm not good enough', 'I'm not lovable', or 'I'm bad/defective', that were created during childhood. I believe the key to stop needing constant external reassurance is to learn to love myself genuinly. If I love myself, I wouldn't have the need for external validation, because 'I' would be enough to feel good with myself. But I know it's easier to say it than to do it hahaha I'm still in this journey working on it. I know hypersensitivity to criticism/rejection can be like a living hell. Hope you the best :hug:
Its only at work because my whole sense of self is wrapped up in the job. My whole being is the work I do and to be seen as incompetent at that is intolerable.
 
wraziel

wraziel

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I'm don't like too that a superior tells to you: DO THIS, NO, CAN YOU DO THIS? CAN YOU SHARE YOUR WORK TOMORROW?, CAN YOU DO THIS THING AND SHARE THIS NIGHT?. I'm a supossed "expert" in my area (Is all fake about me I think), but everyone try to analyse my work, just I'm a machine for them. I'm doing the opposite now, I don't care criticism. All in my way... but that's the biggest reason that I can't found a job, I'm a guy without nothing to lost, nobody wants to work with an impulsive guy. Why we deserve to be exploited like "#!#? machines??

Just say to them: do you need to ask if its ok today?? or Yes is OK, want you to do my job?.

Sorry that work topics puts me bad, embittered.

We are humans. Rememember that.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:
 
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nutsie

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I think you is perfectionist

Also you want be number one very competitive. Person like you often get Mental health problem

I think you compare too much to other person

It don't matter if you make mistake at job. Jobbis not life. Your relation with other person is more important. Just do your best. Life not a competition
 
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nutsie

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I read that perfectionist come from OCD

Also narcissist come from ASD

I hope you can get good therapy for your Mental health problems
 
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nutsie

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I think person what live for job is because of no have life outside job. That is so sad 😢

I hate every job I have

But some times criticize not bad because of you make mistake but no know you make mistake

Some times criticize is because person jealous or hate you for no reason. When person hate me I know it is because of I gypsy not because of I bad person

One job the line manager shout me before coworker I surprised because of do my normal job then I laugh so much because of I know he have no reason to shout. He get real angry but I can not stop to laugh must say sorry and go gas room.

I think if person scared of criticize is because they scared to make mistake. I some times do a bamber with intent to make stupid person angry 👿
 
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