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Crisis Team Question - is this how the system always works ?

P

PopPop

Active member
Joined
Dec 15, 2012
Messages
29
I'd welcome any information/help.
I have a 21yr old son who has become severely depressed over many many months. He's been self harming amongst other things, although he denies it. He's become a virtual recluse within the home and the worry he has caused to all the family cannot be over estimated.
Finally, and after having a doctor make a home visit, he was persuaded to seek help and given a CPN.
Eight weekly visits later and on to his 2nd CPN, we received a phone call yesterday while he was in a meeting to say that he'd taken an overdose on Wednesday night. Despite living in the same house, we were completely unaware.
SEVEN hours later a member of the Crisis Team contacted him to arrange a meeting last night to evaluate his state of mind. Obviously he was deemed well enough to remain an out patient and he was duly brought home. It was only through my determination that I was told of the appointment
Throughout we have remained in the dark due to "patient confidentiality". I don't want to know what's being discussed, I simply want to know what the intentions of these individuals are. I have now learnt that after today's follow up meeting he has another one tomorrow. That will be number three and with a third different member of the Team.
I know I'm being a thorn in the side of this Team but I don't give a damn - I need to know when appointments are as our son doen't talk talk to us.
Is this the usual manner in which the Mental Health teams work - "patient confidentiality" is king and to hell with everything else.
All I want is to know that my lovely son is receiving the very best and most suitable care for him.
Please let me know if this is the usual way things work.

Thanks
Pop
 
T

tentgirl

Guest
Hi

I am under the crisis team at the moment. I've been under four people for the past week but they all know what's going on with me and I completely get that they do shifts so I won't get the same person. They've tried to keep it contained to a relatively small subteam.

My crisis team always does an initial assessment within 24 hours of referral so, although I got referred on the Wednesday late afternoon, they came Thursday morning.

I can understand what you're saying re confidentiality. They would like to speak to my husband but I've said no as I don't like being a case that needs to be discussed. I've been that way with all my dealings with mental health services including with my CPN. I know that they would like to support the family but they've said that they respect my wishes. If they wanted to section me, then they'd speak to my husband as he would legally be the official Nearest Relative.

My current experience as a patient is that my particular crisis team is fantastic and they've encouraged me to share what's going on with my husband and take other steps which I wouldn't have done on day one with them. It might be that they'll ask him about supporting the family - but I can only try to understand how frustrating this could be for you. Please do ask if you have any questions

Sarah Xx
 
Catwoman

Catwoman

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 1, 2012
Messages
56
Location
Uk
Hi,

Yeah, Your son can choose to keep things from you unless he is sectioned as Sarah says.
Maybe your son doesn't want to worry you, I know it can be a huge worry as I would be the same if it was my own, Maybe talk to your son and find out what is going on and ask if it's ok for you to be involved in his care? Then you will be able to talk to the crisis team too.

Myself, I keep most things hidden from my family as I don't want to hurt them maybe this is the same for your son.

Good luck and take care.x
 
F

fallen

Guest
Hi Pop,

Welcome to the forums!

Glad to see that you are getting some advice from other members already.
I hope you find this site useful-please feel free to look around the site.

I can understand your worry about your son-perhaps talking to other people with mental illness will help you to understand what he may be going through and how the mental health services work.

Perhaps you could encourage your son to get some extra support from us here too? It helps many to talk to others who know what it is like and sometimes it is easier to speak to a relative stranger rather than a family member or friend, as many can feel like they are burdenning those closest to them.

Don't hesitate to ask more questions if you need to.

I hope all works out for you and your son.

xfallenx
 
C

Celidwen

Guest
I can understand this must be extremely traumatic for you and deeply concerning as a parent. I suspect there are issues in your son's life that he simply cannot talk to you about, and whilst I understand that must be a horrible situation for you, it will also mean that he can be candid with the people he is dealing with and get the help he needs. All you can do as a parent in this situation is reassure him that you are there, that you love him no matter what, and that if he ever wants to come and talk to you about anything at all that you will be there for him and that you will listen without passing judgement on anything he says or anything he feels. That way he will hopefully come to you in his own time. When people are very depressed they often feel the need to cut themselves off from those who are close, sometimes because they don't want to be a burden, sometimes because the issues involve those people, sometimes because they cannot even bear their own company, sometimes because they are afraid of being challenged or judged, and sometimes because it's just too darned intimate and they need space. Try your hardest not to take it personally and just let him know that you are concerned but you will respect his wishes and he can discuss with you as little or as much as he likes.

I do pray your son's condition improves and pray you have the strength to cope with this, I feel very sad that you are in this unpleasant and distressing situation. It must be awful to feel so helpless and excluded.
 
P

PopPop

Active member
Joined
Dec 15, 2012
Messages
29
Thank you all for your replies, I'm very grateful, especially for Sarah's comments which struck a very personal note.
I've experienced living with people suffering from severe depression all my life. Both my parents had bad breakdowns then my wife was sectioned for the first time 15 yrs ago.
Thankfully I was allowed to be involved with her while she was in hospital and for that I was very grateful. Selfish as it sounds, I didn't feel pushed out and forgotten. I was invited to attend certain meetings between her and her nurse and it gave me a better understanding of what was going on.
As to my current situation. I've simply run out of ideas on what to do for the best, indeed do I continue to tell him that I love him, that I'll always be there to support him? Afterall, he gives no inkling that he's even listening let alone taking it in. Am I doing the right thing by trying to talk to him or should I just back off altogether and let him approach me as and when he feels like it ?
In truth, I would do pretty much anything if it meant improving things.
It's now 1.40pm and I can here him in his room for the first time today. Obviously that makes me relieved but it also tells me that he's getting ready to meet a member of the Crisis Team at 2.00pm. He'll be late but at least he seems to want help, thank God.
I'm sure this won't be my last post but in the meantime, thank you all very much for your comments. Standing on the sidelines not knowing what to do or say for the best is not easy.

P
 
T

tentgirl

Guest
Hi

It must be tough cos we all want to be there for our children and do our very best. And the love and support you. cot to be able to offer is really special - and he's very lucky to have you.

I have complex-PTSD and an eating disorder. My husband is very scared about the situation and he wasn't too sure initially how to balance being supportive yet give me space. I don't tell him much to be honest but he knows that I am in very good hands. I've never been under a crisis team before (and I have to say that my team is so lovely and nurturing) so it's all very new. Initially, my husband didn't know that my CPN had referred me to the team but they gently encouraged me to tell him and open up. I have say that I am glad he now knows but it's made it easier for me to come to my own conclusion that he needs to know - rather than him or the team force it. Does that make sense? I guess that I don't feel any resentment at all and the team is working with me.

My own situation has really been up and down over the week and there's very strong talk now about admitting me either an eating disorder unit or general psychiatry (they think an EDU but need to speak to the ED team tomorrow) so in terms of your son, I guess be there for him. Being willing to listen. Be flexible. But, as you're doing, do what my husband does every day - he tells me that he loves me no matter what and is so happy that I am in his life. Magical words.

Please do keep posting if it helps.
Sarah x
 
P

PopPop

Active member
Joined
Dec 15, 2012
Messages
29
Thank you Sarah

It sounds like you're married to a decent bloke.
I too think the world of my wife and never a day goes by without me hugging her or telling her I love her. She has said that she would have understood if I'd have left her during her troubled times but I can say with honesty that the thought never entered my mind.
As for the present. I think I just need to play each day as it comes. I'm not too sure what I'll say to my son or at what times but I think for the time being my monologues will stop. Somehow I want him to know that he's parents and siblings still love him and are here to support him whatever, though I also know that such words can be meaningless when a person has hit rock bottom.
As for you Sarah. You sound a lovely person and I hope that you that find some long term help, beneficial to you and those closest to you.
Take care
P
 
P

PopPop

Active member
Joined
Dec 15, 2012
Messages
29
As a follow up to my original post, the latest news is that my son was "persuaded" to go for a stay at a clinic yesterday.
In truth he made the decision but the reality was that he had no choice.
It's what we wanted a week ago but when we received the call giving us the news yesterday it was upsetting. My wife and I have both had a few tears since then, what with her tidying his room of bloodied sheets and so on and me seeing just a bare mattress where only a few hours beforehand he'd been laying as we had a brief chat.
But this is about our son, not us, and thankfully he is now in a safe environment, receiving constant attention and assessment.
P
 
M

Moderp

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Joined
Dec 30, 2012
Messages
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Location
UK
I am new to this site but the mention of the "crisis team" drew my newbe gaze.

I was recently discharged from the chrisis team into community care I suppose I went the opposite way to your son. I started in hospital after attempting to take my life then filtered out of their traffic light scheme to be discharged just before Christmas.

I understand your concern and I would plan for additional help when your son comes under crisis team care again. I found my team to be highly variable and sometimes made me feel worse. They have their boxes to tick and if they do not care about their job might miss important features exhibited by your son. Their concern was always for my home environment and if I felt suicidal. The rest I felt was film flam.

Without private support for my illness I would probably not be here anymore. Do not rely 100% on this team.
 
megirl

megirl

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Apr 9, 2010
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8,172
Location
NZ
Here, in my area its policy that we need a support person like a close friend like a like a partner and they are my 'caretaker'
Its kind of a good thing but when I end up as an inpatient my discharge meeting sometimes my pdoc, support worker my nurse on the ward and hubby have this meeting before I am allowed in the room it makes me agitated but as a friend said they are just trying to help me, guess thats true!
Then I feel humbled when the pdoc comes down the ward has a quick chat then we go into the meeting room together.
Its a hard one but at times the crisis team are there and should always be of assistance whether you are in a crisis whether be discharged or still under there care
 
P

PopPop

Active member
Joined
Dec 15, 2012
Messages
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Many thanks Moderp

Our son has been in the Clinic now since 21st Dec and the most information I've gleaned from any member of staff is that he's "safe and secure".
I've taken clothes into him three times so far but because he doesn't want to see anyone and wants to keep everything confidential, we're completely in the dark as to how he is.
My very generalised questions, (ie. is it the norm for families to have any meetings with the patient and staff prior to the patient being discharged) are met with "I'm sorry I can't tell you that".
Having parents and a wife who have all suffered from very severe depression, including sectioning, I've had more connection to the illness than most and know that no date line can be set for stages of improvement.
I suppose my concerns are really based around my son's release. At what level will he be allowed to come home if he's not considered a risk to himself and will we still have a son who thinks and acts in a wholly negative manner, being reclusive and doing who knows what?

P
 
M

Moderp

Member
Joined
Dec 30, 2012
Messages
20
Location
UK
Many thanks Moderp

Our son has been in the Clinic now since 21st Dec and the most information I've gleaned from any member of staff is that he's "safe and secure".
I've taken clothes into him three times so far but because he doesn't want to see anyone and wants to keep everything confidential, we're completely in the dark as to how he is.
My very generalised questions, (ie. is it the norm for families to have any meetings with the patient and staff prior to the patient being discharged) are met with "I'm sorry I can't tell you that".
Having parents and a wife who have all suffered from very severe depression, including sectioning, I've had more connection to the illness than most and know that no date line can be set for stages of improvement.
I suppose my concerns are really based around my son's release. At what level will he be allowed to come home if he's not considered a risk to himself and will we still have a son who thinks and acts in a wholly negative manner, being reclusive and doing who knows what?

P
I can only speak from my own experience but here it is.

I attempted suicide and was admitted to hospital, I was not sectioned but I was held for assessment.

I am a fairly well educated and intelligent person but all control was taken away from me, I had to accept that I was being taken care of. I had a few visits, clothes and certain food was brought to me. I became quite paranoid about what was being said to my wife and family behind my back - so from your sons side the confidentiality is a good thing right now!

I wanted to scream the place down and try and "escape" but I chose to play the game. I was let out into my family's care (this was key to the release - they need to know the patent will be cared for). I was sent home with medication and under the care of the crisis team who would visit me daily. After a few days I started to answer their questions before they asked them, I was being upbeat and reassured them that suicide was no longer an option - this and home care is their only concern. At this point I was asked about my relationship with my wife my sister who had come to stay and my children. I could involve any of them in discussions but I chose not to. I still felt really paranoid that everyone had it in for me. As weeks went by I was downgraded, to amber, at this point I see traffic light scheme protocol and figure only a while till I hit green and I will be discharged. So I play the game still and give them the answers they need until I get to amber II, visit once a week I think it was. I felt cheated, got angry, no one told me about amber II!! Anyway, kept giving them the answers they wanted and after getting to green I started to involve my family more. The sessions became more about what I needed and wanted to happen, that was positive for me and I was eventually discharged to community care and through that to my psychiatrist.

Overall I think they could have cut a lot of wasted time and effort out of the process but I was not harmful, in fact very over cautious. Point is I got there in the end on my terms, I suppose your son will be allowed to do that as well. I know my wife suffered a lot, still does, when I keep therapy and dr conversations to myself. Certainly in my case it's about having your own time to come to terms with what's going on in your head. It's difficult to understand, let alone explain to somebody else.

As I said before though, I did see a psychologist in addition to the crisis team, they were aware of him and I assume checked him out in some way.

Hope this helps.
 
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