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Crippling Health Anxiety

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BlacJAC

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Sep 28, 2019
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Hi, first time posting. I'm a 45 year old male.

As per the title, i'm currently suffering badly from health anxiety. So much so, my life is currently one large contradiction. I'm actually ruining whatever good health I have, thinking I have some frightening terminal disease, you know, the usual. Worrying myself into such a state that the ailments I think I have would probably be preferable to the hell I've endured for the last 2 years. For information purposes. I'm on 2x 40mg of propranolol a-day for my anxiety as I reacted badly to other anxiety meds.

Over the last 2 years I've diagnosed myself with the following conditions:

Pancreatic cancer ( pale floating stools and struggle with fatty foods. had ultra sound, all clear)
Carcanoid cancer (had dry flushing, bad toilet habits, but got all the hormone tests - clear)
Melanoma (have a clear coloured line on my small toe nail. Seen gp and he said it's not)
MND/MS/Brain tumour (I have a relentless restless feeling in my left arm/hand and some twitching/tingling which is so bad at times. This is supposedly chronic general anxiety according to 3 gps as everything thing from my brain/head and spinal mri a few months ago was fine)

I have had many more ailments and thoughts, but left them out because i was simply too embarrassed to go to the gp and too embarrassed to type them out on here.

I suppose my main reason for being here is because I'm about done with all this nonsense. I'm tired of feeling this way. Both mentally and physically these last 2 years have been utter hell. I've tried speaking to my wife, gp and even a therapist, but i can not help myself from underplaying how bad things really are. I basically lie to them. Make out it's really no big deal. So they all think it's minor. They have no reason to suspect otherwise. I have attempted to tell the truth, especially to the therapist, but I just can't get the words past my lips. I really have no idea if it's embarrassment or what. A 45 year old adult worrying that he has A, B, C and D on a near hourly basis. It's nonsense. Depression I could open up about. I've seen the carnage that can cause and there is more focus on that regarding men's health nowadays. But health anxiety?

I hope it doesn't come across as me underplaying anyone's difficulties, because I know first hand how bad this gets. I'm there right now. I'm just writing down what's in my head. I'm tired, so, so tired of this.
 
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NWiddi

NWiddi

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I have had many more ailments and thoughts, but left them out because i was simply too embarrassed to go to the gp and too embarrassed to type them out on here.
Please don't be embarrassed to tell us more, it would help us to be able to help you.

Before I go further can I please direct your attention to the very bottom of this page where it states

"Any advice posted on the Mental Health Forum website or forum is for support purposes only. It should not be used as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor, psychiatrist or other qualified health professional with any questions you may have regarding a mental health or other medical condition."

Without hearing more of what ailments and thoughts you are having I can't be sure but you may want to go back to your GP or therapist and tell them everything as you may have a form of OCD.

Worrying about your health and having intrusive thoughts could be symptoms of OCD as it comes in many forms these days and it's not all about rituals and cleaning as you might think.
I have a relentless restless feeling in my left arm/hand and some twitching/tingling
I used to get twitching and tingling sensations throughout my body including my extremities until I started on anti-psychotics which are not only used for people with psychosis, schizophrenia or Bipolar but have been known to be helpful for people with OCD.
 
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BlacJAC

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Sep 28, 2019
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UK
Hi NWiddi

Your response is very much appreciated. I also appreciate any information given out on this site isn't a substitute for proper medical advice.

My ailments/thoughts. There's been too many. Some lasting a day, some lasting weeks if not months. Taking a step back from it, I actually know a large portion of these ailments have been complete and utter nonsense. I mean, I or anyone would be hard pressed to find anyone walking around with umpteen types of terminal cancer, MND, MS and whatever other terminal or life shortening condition my mind can conjure up all at once. It's why I have rode almost all of these thoughts out silently in my mind rather than bother a medical professional or even my wife/friends.

However, the last month or two have been by far the toughest I have ever endured mentally. It has been so exhausting. I'm utterly embarrassed with what's going through my head. I can't tell anyone the truth and as such, I have literally nowhere to turn and just want it all to stop. I need a rest. I even find it difficult to admit the truth to myself. My GP probably thinks I'm a complete Drama Queen. A 45 year old guy sitting spending almost all of his waking time thinking he has this or that. The worst part, all my family think I'm this happy laid back guy.
 
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Hazel7

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Oct 3, 2019
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Uk
Hi fellow sufferers, I feel your pain 😩 is there an answer ?? Laying in bed feeling all the usual symptoms, crawling sensation under my skin pins and needles aching muscles, weird sensations in arms and legs blah blah and on it goes !! So frustrated with it, have an appointment for CBT in a couple weeks, I so hope it works !!! 😭 feel ill every day !!! terrified of ms, just want some relief from it. ! ! Every single day have the same thoughts !!! Aaaahhhh how to switch it off 😭
 
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Zoe1

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hi Hazel

I hope the CBT works, it probably will

:love: 💜 🌠
 
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Zoe1

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im so sorry sweetheart

things can get better

💜 💜 💜 🌠
 
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BlacJAC

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Sep 28, 2019
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UK
Hi fellow sufferers, I feel your pain 😩 is there an answer ?? Laying in bed feeling all the usual symptoms, crawling sensation under my skin pins and needles aching muscles, weird sensations in arms and legs blah blah and on it goes !! So frustrated with it, have an appointment for CBT in a couple weeks, I so hope it works !!! 😭 feel ill every day !!! terrified of ms, just want some relief from it. ! ! Every single day have the same thoughts !!! Aaaahhhh how to switch it off 😭
Hi Hazel. I've had a tooth issue for the last week and to say it was painful is an understantement. On the bright side, it has been so bad that about 95% of my arm discomfort has notbeen bothering me. But I know once this dies down, it will come back. Not sure what is worse, the arm twitching etc or the tooth discomfort.
 
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Zoe1

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I get that as well Blac
the problem seems to move from one part of the body
to another
 
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BlacJAC

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Sep 28, 2019
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This morning I have tingling from my right ankle to where my sock line is on my right leg. Whilst my arm is ever so slightly still affected (no longer tingling, but feels a wee bit restless), the tingling in my left ankle and very lower shin has me worried again. My foor seems to be unaffected. No pain or twitching, though. :(

I'm very wary of going to the doctor AGAIN.
 
hicks

hicks

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Is it possible for you to open up to your family about this? It will really help to talk about it. Taking this a step further, you would benefit by getting some help from a qualified therapist/counselor.
 
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BlacJAC

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I've tried to open up, but embarresment gets the better of me every time. So much so, I begin to lie or omit a lot of facts. I really don't want to lie as I don't decieve people in any other way. This thread is the only place i have ever told it like it is. Even then, I have still omitted certain things.
 
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Laudanum

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Surrey
I had some therapy over health anxiety this year, recently completed. One of the methods they used was to ask me to pinpoint a specific condition I was concerned about, and put down the evidence for and evidence against on two sides of a bit of paper (or a Word/Notepad document). The evidence comes from checking symptoms online (only do this for this purpose and not for general worry!). Once you look at the evidence, the likelihood often lessens.

Here's an eg I did at the time:

Peripheral Artery Disease

Symtoms I have:

It may also feel like a heaviness, tightness, or tiredness in the muscles of the legs
Numbness, tingling, or weakness in the legs

Symptoms I don't have:

Pain in one or both calves, thighs, or hips
The pain usually occurs while you are walking or climbing stairs and stops when you rest.
A person with arterial claudication will experience no discomfort atrest, but pain after a few minutes of walking.
It usually is a dull, cramping pain.
When the blood vessels in the legs are completely blocked, leg pain at night is very typical
Buttock pain
Burning or aching pain in the feet or toes while resting
A sore on a leg or a foot that will not heal
One or both legs or feet feel cold or change color (pale, bluish, dark reddish)
Loss of hair on the legs
The absence of a pulse in the legs or the arms
affects 1 in 5 people over 60


May work for you?
 
daffy

daffy

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If you cant talk to your therapist/GP about your problems have you thought about writing them down and letting them read it. Ive done it in the past when i was too embarrassed to talk to my p/doc about the hallucinations i was getting. She took it seriously and i found that i could start to open up about it.
 
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BlacJAC

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Sep 28, 2019
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Seen a gp today and she has suggested a referral to a neurologist. That was without me pushing for one. Whilst she doesn't think it's anything other than anxiety, she thinks it's always best to get a diagnosis of it being anxiety through a process of elimination than to assume it's anxiety without little to back that diagnosis up. She simply said, people with extreme anxiety also get ill. Doesn't make us immune from other conditions. Had it just been the one arm, she would have pressed on with the anxiety assumption, but because it has happened on both my left arm and right ankle area, she wants to make sure. More for my benefit than her being concerned.

I have no issue with my eyes which she said is a very good thing and if it were something like MS, she'd have expected some sort of visual disturbance at one point. But no two cases are the same.
 
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