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Crippling anxiety

R

Row85

Member
Joined
Nov 3, 2020
Messages
23
Location
Kuwait
For the last 5 months I've been under intolerable stress and to be honest I've kind of given up. I was a fit competitive cyclist but now all my muscles have atrophied away and I've lost 10 percent of my body weight in muscle and fat reserves. Haven't been on the bike since about May and no interest in it either.
You seem extremely depressed. Try to see your doctor about your medication. Why not start with going for walks. Just get out of the house. When I’ve been this bad I usually just lay in bed and sleep all day. I usually take no ones advise and think there’s no point to life. So I understand how you’re feeling. You have to make the choice to push yourself, despite feeling there’s no point. You will get better, and you will get back to your normal life and move in to your new house when it’s done. You need to try and see the positives and ignore the negatives, yes easier said than done. But please at least try. First call and make an Appointment to see your doctor about meds and then get out of the house and go for a walk, get that adrenaline going again.
 
C

Cyclist

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 23, 2020
Messages
61
Location
Scotland
I'm taking Mirtazapine now 30mg a day. GP is good but there's only so much she can do.

In February we made a catastrophic error and started building our dream retirement home in Scotland, an extremely wet, cold country. Thanks to Covid we are now stuck in temporary accommodation, a dirty bungalow that's been infested with mice so smells of mouse urine. Mice have chewed pipes and disabled my car. The roof is leaking and Tues/Weds we have 48 hours of heavy rain forecast. On 28 November we have our possessions arriving from storage, almost certainly damp and mildewed after being loaded in rain 3 months ago. The stuff will be stacked in our detached workshop until the builders can get the house finished. That will mean 3 or 4 guys from the nearby city running around touching everything. CV is rampaging in that city. Meanwhile we have about 20 guys visiting our house regularly to work, so it's going to be impossible to create a sterile area in the house. I'm 64 and my wife 62, both fit regular walkers but bad weather means we are only getting out every 3 days now, the rest of the time we are stuck in this poxy shed with the mice and dripping ceiling. We have no possessions, no books, nothing to do.

The place where we are building is a tiny rural community with a lot of elderly people. They already resent us as wealthy English newcomers building a large house and if we are the Trojan Horse that brings CV to the community we will never be forgiven.

The house we are building is far too big and fitting it out will finish our savings. My wife and the architect cajoled me into agreeing to all this, which I now bitterly regret.

Sudden retirement from the job, which defined me, happened on 31 July, by which time I was already into my breakdown. I broke down in tears in front of my colleagues at the retirement 'do'. Since then we have moved into this filthy leaking shed in a new, inhospitable country with no facilities close by - nearest shops, GP, fuel, dentist, optician, dry cleaner, everything we had within 10 minutes walk, now 13 miles away and nearest hospital 38 miles away. We sold our lovely warm, secure, comfortable house that had simple systems I could easily service and repair. The new house has complex geo thermal heating and its own complex sewage plant. We are building a new house that's twice the size it should be for a retiring couple, with no garden possible because the plot is saturated and deer eat everything.

So you can understand why I'm deep in a nervous breakdown, so bad that I can't even doze on the sofa without having a short nightmare.

I am pretty sure this situation will continue to worsen. If we had seen sense in February we'd have put the build on ice and now I'd be sleeping soundly in our warm, dry, secure house in England with our savings in the bank, able to sit out the CV pandemic in safety.
 
R

Row85

Member
Joined
Nov 3, 2020
Messages
23
Location
Kuwait
I'm taking Mirtazapine now 30mg a day. GP is good but there's only so much she can do.

In February we made a catastrophic error and started building our dream retirement home in Scotland, an extremely wet, cold country. Thanks to Covid we are now stuck in temporary accommodation, a dirty bungalow that's been infested with mice so smells of mouse urine. Mice have chewed pipes and disabled my car. The roof is leaking and Tues/Weds we have 48 hours of heavy rain forecast. On 28 November we have our possessions arriving from storage, almost certainly damp and mildewed after being loaded in rain 3 months ago. The stuff will be stacked in our detached workshop until the builders can get the house finished. That will mean 3 or 4 guys from the nearby city running around touching everything. CV is rampaging in that city. Meanwhile we have about 20 guys visiting our house regularly to work, so it's going to be impossible to create a sterile area in the house. I'm 64 and my wife 62, both fit regular walkers but bad weather means we are only getting out every 3 days now, the rest of the time we are stuck in this poxy shed with the mice and dripping ceiling. We have no possessions, no books, nothing to do.

The place where we are building is a tiny rural community with a lot of elderly people. They already resent us as wealthy English newcomers building a large house and if we are the Trojan Horse that brings CV to the community we will never be forgiven.

The house we are building is far too big and fitting it out will finish our savings. My wife and the architect cajoled me into agreeing to all this, which I now bitterly regret.

Sudden retirement from the job, which defined me, happened on 31 July, by which time I was already into my breakdown. I broke down in tears in front of my colleagues at the retirement 'do'. Since then we have moved into this filthy leaking shed in a new, inhospitable country with no facilities close by - nearest shops, GP, fuel, dentist, optician, dry cleaner, everything we had within 10 minutes walk, now 13 miles away and nearest hospital 38 miles away. We sold our lovely warm, secure, comfortable house that had simple systems I could easily service and repair. The new house has complex geo thermal heating and its own complex sewage plant. We are building a new house that's twice the size it should be for a retiring couple, with no garden possible because the plot is saturated and deer eat everything.

So you can understand why I'm deep in a nervous breakdown, so bad that I can't even doze on the sofa without having a short nightmare.

I am pretty sure this situation will continue to worsen. If we had seen sense in February we'd have put the build on ice and now I'd be sleeping soundly in our warm, dry, secure house in England with our savings in the bank, able to sit out the CV pandemic in safety.
Wow that would enough to stress anyone out. You didn’t know there was going to be a pandemic, none of this is your fault or your wives. It’s just all extremely bad timing. This time of year Scotland is wet and dreary, so that’s not helping your mood either. Maybe trying to look for other temporary accommodation that isn’t nice ridden might help the situation slightly. I don’t know if you are able to downsize your house plans or even sell it as it is, but maybe discuss how you’re feeling with your wife and family.

But I truly believe once it’s all done and you are settled in you’ll feel better. It might take some time, but you’ll get there.

I know this is not comforting, but so many people are in the same situation you’re in and worse. This year has really destroyed many people.

Please do see your GP again. Tell her how you’re feeling.
 
C

Cyclist

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 23, 2020
Messages
61
Location
Scotland
Wow that would enough to stress anyone out. You didn’t know there was going to be a pandemic, none of this is your fault or your wives. It’s just all extremely bad timing. This time of year Scotland is wet and dreary, so that’s not helping your mood either. Maybe trying to look for other temporary accommodation that isn’t nice ridden might help the situation slightly. I don’t know if you are able to downsize your house plans or even sell it as it is, but maybe discuss how you’re feeling with your wife and family.

But I truly believe once it’s all done and you are settled in you’ll feel better. It might take some time, but you’ll get there.

I know this is not comforting, but so many people are in the same situation you’re in and worse. This year has really destroyed many people.

Please do see your GP again. Tell her how you’re feeling.
Thanks, I can't get to see my GP but can make an appointment and she phones me a few days later.

The house is almost complete so we can't change anything, we are deep into the incident pit with no way out.

This shed is a holiday cottage ten minutes walk from the plot. If we changed we would be much further away, a long drive. There are long-term lets but they are even further and are mostly horrible flats in the town. At least here it's close, it's very quiet and it's mouse-free for the moment as I've killed all the mice and blocked their entry holes.
 
R

Row85

Member
Joined
Nov 3, 2020
Messages
23
Location
Kuwait
Thanks, I can't get to see my GP but can make an appointment and she phones me a few days later.

The house is almost complete so we can't change anything, we are deep into the incident pit with no way out.

This shed is a holiday cottage ten minutes walk from the plot. If we changed we would be much further away, a long drive. There are long-term lets but they are even further and are mostly horrible flats in the town. At least here it's close, it's very quiet and it's mouse-free for the moment as I've killed all the mice and blocked their entry holes.
I see three positives: you’re almost done with the house, the mice have been sorted for the time being and your gp can you give you a call if you contact her. Now try to do something for yourself. Get your bike out and go for a ride, even in the rain. Ride your bike up to the house daily, just get your body moving again. As I say all of this, I remember being told to do the same when I was deeply depressed, and i would look at the ppl telling me this thinking “ they have no idea how bad my life is”, and I find myself telling you to do the same. It’s hard, I know. At one point in my life I begged my husband to lock me up in a mental institution. I just wanted to be overly drugged up and locked away. I wanted to be numb, I couldn’t handle the depression and anxiety anymore. Thankfully at that point I did have therapy and started medication. Whenever I take medication, it’s takes around a month or two to kick in, but those two months are horrendous.
Stay strong, get your bike out! Join a cycling group that might be near by, or a Facebook group for cyclists in Scotland. Just keep trying to find things for yourself. Try to stay positive.
 
C

Cyclist

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 23, 2020
Messages
61
Location
Scotland
Thanks. This morning's news is that the plumber is in hospital with Covid meaning we are stuck in this poxy leaking shed for Christmas. I don't think it can get any worse really.

Bless my wife, so innocent. "The builder has promised we'll be in by mid December so I'm sure we'll be okay. Look at that lovely view!"
 
R

Row85

Member
Joined
Nov 3, 2020
Messages
23
Location
Kuwait
Thanks. This morning's news is that the plumber is in hospital with Covid meaning we are stuck in this poxy leaking shed for Christmas. I don't think it can get any worse really.

Bless my wife, so innocent. "The builder has promised we'll be in by mid December so I'm sure we'll be okay. Look at that lovely view!"
You have to keep telling yourself the situation you’re in right now is not permanent. It will get better. Everything will get done, maybe not as fast as as you’d like, but it will all come together eventually. Try to stay positive.
 
C

Cyclist

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 23, 2020
Messages
61
Location
Scotland
There are three things on my mind now:

1 - Until all this started I was an unusually fit strong man for 64, I cycled competitively and could ride 100 miles at 15 mph or time-trial 10 miles at 20 mph. But in the last 5 months all my muscles have faded away and I'm now as weak as a child. If we ever move into a new house there will be a lot of lifting and carrying so I'm terrified of pulling a muscle, especially a major leg or back muscle.

2 - My mind is now so damaged by this breakdown that I fear it will take months to recover, if it ever does. I'm not looking forward to the outcome of our house move because I've fallen out of love with the place, the house and the people here. So the environment for a recovery won't exist.

3 - My breakdown is now so severe that I am suffering from mild psychotic symptoms. As the stress increases I fear for my sanity. Last night I suddenly realised that I'm homesick for our old home, community and friends and for 10 minutes I stood in the shower howling in tears, silently so my wife wouldn't hear me.

How long can a human survive this level of breakdown before something snaps? What usually happens? Catatonic shock? Madness? Heart attack? Stroke?
 
R

Row85

Member
Joined
Nov 3, 2020
Messages
23
Location
Kuwait
There are three things on my mind now:

1 - Until all this started I was an unusually fit strong man for 64, I cycled competitively and could ride 100 miles at 15 mph or time-trial 10 miles at 20 mph. But in the last 5 months all my muscles have faded away and I'm now as weak as a child. If we ever move into a new house there will be a lot of lifting and carrying so I'm terrified of pulling a muscle.

2 - My mind is now so damaged by this breakdown that I fear it will take months to recover, if it ever does. I'm not looking forward to the outcome of our house move because I've fallen out of love with the place, the house and the people here.

3 - My breakdown is now so severe that I am suffering from mild psychotic symptoms. As the stress increases I fear for my sanity. Last night I suddenly realised that I'm homesick for our old home, community and friends and for 10 minutes I stood in the shower howling in tears, silently so my wife wouldn't hear me.

How long can a human survive this level of breakdown before something snaps? What usually happens? Catatonic shock? Madness? Heart attack? Stroke?
Oh it does sound terrible. It might be time to have a serious talk with your wife. Explain your not happy and how you’re feeling. But I will add that anything new such as building a house, moving countries, changing jobs etc will cause such a shock to the system. I think your body and mind are in shock. You are feeling regret, anxiety of the unknown, fear and probably loneliness. These are all normal feelings to have when you make a drastic change in your life. You can overcome this! But you need to talk to your wife and please call your GP. When I reached your point I begged for help. I begged my husband and my doctors. I knew I couldn’t do it on my own. You need support. I believe it all
Built up slowly and now you’re at you’re breaking point. Please ask for help.

You also need to push yourself to get back on your bike. Go for walks. Just get your body moving. Your body will get back in shape, you just need to push yourself. I truly Believe once this horrible period passes you will be ok, you just need to get some help and give yourself a little push.
 
C

Cyclist

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 23, 2020
Messages
61
Location
Scotland
Thanks for your quick, kind reply. It's really appreciated. My wife knows I'm mentally ill and she's having a tough time. The GP has given me Mirtazapine, which helps a little but doesn't remove the crippling anxiety.

We do go out walking when the rain stops but here in Scotland it rains almost every day.
 
R

Row85

Member
Joined
Nov 3, 2020
Messages
23
Location
Kuwait
Thanks for your quick, kind reply. It's really appreciated. My wife knows I'm mentally ill and she's having a tough time. The GP has given me Mirtazapine, which helps a little but doesn't remove the crippling anxiety.

We do go out walking when the rain stops but here in Scotland it rains almost every day.
Ask for Xanax or Valium. Just take when needed. I take Xanax when I feel an anxiety attack coming on and it really helps. I’d push for those from your GP. Really hope you feel
Better x
 
C

Cyclist

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 23, 2020
Messages
61
Location
Scotland
I tried two SSRIs and they both made me really sick. Mirtazapine is the only one I can tolerate.
 
R

Row85

Member
Joined
Nov 3, 2020
Messages
23
Location
Kuwait
I tried two SSRIs and they both made me really sick. Mirtazapine is the only one I can tolerate.
Xanax isn’t a SSRI. It’s a short term drug with a fast release. It will almost immediately calm you down. It has an 8 hour lifespan. It’s not a drug you take everyday because it can be addictive. I would ask your GP about it. It would greatly help you. It gives you temporary relief when your extremely anxious. You can take it alongside your regular medication.
 
C

Cyclist

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 23, 2020
Messages
61
Location
Scotland
Oh yes I have Diazepam, which I think is the same thing. I try not to take it too often. I also have beta blockers for extreme anxiety. My beside drawer is like a small pharmacy!
 
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