Crippled with anxiety while trying to make a normal living for my fami

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enoc559

New member
Joined
Nov 28, 2018
Messages
2
#1
Hello there, im 23 years old, i will try to make a story shorter here about my current struggles. I come from a relativly financialy ustable country and last year i decided to move to another country with more stable economy in order to try and make a better living for me and my girlfriend and so i can provide for my mother and grandmother that i lived with . I finished cook school and higher hospitality school (even though i struggled with anxiety and depression for more over a six years - that actually when i realised it..i had real down periods where even suicidal thoughs acccured, ive realised ive choosed a career thats not for me, i wasnt even interested, chosed it also over financial and easy to find job reason , ive manged to hide it all from my close ones , a progrees i was making in school made my anxieties ease,i trained changed my habbits, found a girlfriend, a life was a little better , but still i had anxiey periods but not so strong as on where i mentioned suicidal thoughs) , but haven worked so much in that field, still really unexpirienced and yet i decided to try and work abroad for the financial sake ...now that im here, i started working, my aniety went rocket high, i started to lose sleep, i feel demotivated, i cant focus at all..at job, i start to panic and lose myself , i want to help when its rush time but all i do is eather dont do anything as its supposed to or i block...that happened a hell of a lot during my life, in a lot of things that i was doing , i had that ''block'' where i lose myself, and during those periods my mind is full of disempowering thougs - you are not for this, why cant you be normal, wjy am i so anxios, why cant i just do it, im just a dead weight, , i also catch myself where i stop breading , im not present, im in my mind , i ...im working 11 hours a day,and have no side time, this is the few minutes i cought to share my thougs with you, im trying to do my best, to deal with it, to face it, face my fears, but my mind is flooded with those kind of thoughs, even suicidal thougs accured again, like thats the only way out, i cant go back to my country as a faliure, a lot of people are depending on me, a lot of them belive in me, i know that in my head that would be a breakdown , with no money, no actuall skills , i must succed, but i dont know how,when my level of self esteem is so low and my anxieties are so crippling...sorry for this uoside down story , i just bursted it from my mind in these 15 minutes that i had, hopefully you people can share some advices, thanks you in forward
 
tragicpink

tragicpink

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 22, 2018
Messages
46
Location
Canada
#2
it's amazing that you managed to finish school despite your struggles, so i commend you for that. do you think that perhaps it is the job environment itself that is setting you off? maybe it isn't exactly as you imagined it. do you think there's something else you need in this sort of job? different hours, more friendly coworkers? if you can think of anything that you wish was different about your job maybe that might be the trigger for your anxiety and you might want to think about working elsewhere. i only say this because in my first role in the field im studying, i felt extremely anxious and depressed but in the second one i realized that the environment of my previous job was causing me this anxiety and that there were other options for me.
 

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