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CPTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) vs BPD?

megirl

megirl

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I had too exclude her from my life. Once I did people in my life (support workers nurses in the inpatient unit and most my friends, of course my husband) were so relieved I made the decision. My psychiatrist truthfully she was absolutely delighted. Finally. There's no guilt anymore
 
megirl

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Even my dog who loves everyone would shy away from her. Which was something I still can't quite work out.
Hes very intuitive
 
BleachedViolet

BleachedViolet

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As for a clean break the guilt, its hard I used to take my mother here and there she doesn't drive. Shout her out for lunch coffee. Spend money on her. I got nothing in return.
Well anyway I had a serious car accident the car rolled..etc..fractured and dislocated my neck, 2 operations, complications after complication (to me it didn't matter too much, I was alive and not paralysed..unstable fracture very very lucky..7 weeks in hospital, a feeding tube. I went home full upper body brace for 3 months unable to walk...anyway my mother came around once I was home and never once asked how I was, never asked what or how it happened. Never asked why do I have this full body brave on, feeding tube...
It was %100 about her..
Jesus christ! That must've been the mother of all slaps in the face!

God...

Yeah you have to look out for yourself. They say time heals, but that all depends on what the reality you return to offers up...

I'm just so sorry. I wish I had better words, but all you can do atm us focus on healing and DON'T feel guilt. Who knows what that means regarding the future but that's neither here nor there atm... dont even worry about that now.

I know it sounds corny or trite, but one day at a time...

Let the rest, the stones, so to speak, fall where they may... focus on you bc she isn't atm... (I didn't mean that in a nasty way, just as a validation for self preservation...)
 
BleachedViolet

BleachedViolet

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I had too exclude her from my life. Once I did people in my life (support workers nurses in the inpatient unit and most my friends, of course my husband) were so relieved I made the decision. My psychiatrist truthfully she was absolutely delighted. Finally. There's no guilt anymore
GOOD!!!

:grouphug:

She's no longer a weight for you to carry...

And that's her cross to bear, that she lost the *privilege* of having you in her life...

And animals are insanely intuitive. That speaks volumes... xx
 
megirl

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No my mother can never ever be in my life ever again,
 
megirl

megirl

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Interesting, BleachedViolet, the BPD or cptsd diagnosis
 
megirl

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Totally agree easily triggered, gosh if I see someone who resembles my mother, my rational brain knows its not her. My emotional part starts to react I tense up, start to feel agitated ..incredible really
 
megirl

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bleachedViolet, sounds like you've been through a heck of a lot, and still having to deal with so much xx
 
BleachedViolet

BleachedViolet

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Totally agree easily triggered, gosh if I see someone who resembles my mother, my rational brain knows its not her. My emotional part starts to react I tense up, start to feel agitated ..incredible really
I can relate to the triggering. The sound of her voice makes me tense up, even over the phone.

The most hurtful thing my husband said to me, during an argument once, was "you sound just like your mother"...

Both our jaws dropped and he apologized right away, but it scared the shit out of me.

That's why his situation, aside from his own suffering, has brought up other issues is because when I snap I hear her in me coming out...

That's when I knew we had to do sonething; both get help, separate for a while, anything...

It's like no matter how far away I run... you cant help what you are to some degree, like a flower cant pick the shade or color it will grow into...

But you've made a clean break and I admire that. I know I need help. I thought I had made peace, but I still have a lot of darkness inside me i need to process. It's like grieving, in a way... I dunno if that makes sense..
Grieving for who you were never allowed to be, the relationship you were denied, the person you want to let go of, be the inside of you or external...

I dunno if that makes sense...

But I relate to everything you've said...
 
megirl

megirl

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Yes it is part of a huge journey, it's hard to let go, as you are clearly a caring sensitive person who thinks of others.
You do need to put your needs first do what's right for your mental health wellbeing. Its bloody hard as a caring person to come to the point actually that's it, when you can't take anymore.
x
 
BleachedViolet

BleachedViolet

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Yes it is part of a huge journey, it's hard to let go, as you are clearly a caring sensitive person who thinks of others.
You do need to put your needs first do what's right for your mental health wellbeing. Its bloody hard as a caring person to come to the point actually that's it, when you can't take anymore.
x
Thank you for your kind words and for sharing your experiences with me. You've been through hell and deserve freedom and peace.

I think you're a very caring and very special person.

I needed someone to talk to, and I admire your bravery. I'm here, too, if you need anyone... anytime...

:hug: xx ♡
 
G

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I think I read the same article. And mine was further complicated from actually having ptsd from 9/11. So I didn’t get a diagnosis until my 40s, even though I had had therapists in the past who indicated my mom was NPD.

I clung to that article because experts say ptsd is curable, bpd is not.

Then I realized that bpd is a product of prolonged trauma, starting in childhood and ongoing. While ptsd is incidental: one big trauma, or several. But there is a definite start and end to the trauma.which means there is room to cure it. Because it wasn’t lifelong.
 
megirl

megirl

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Same, always here to chat,
x its great you recognise you need help to cope and deal with what life's thrown at you,
You are the one who's been affected here

I once said to my mother after my dad died and yes shes the only one suffering.... Anyway I said nicely if counselling might be good...typical narcissist says...' I havnt got a problem...' Lol my dad was dead a couple of days and here she's worried about her blood pressure!!? Then tells me "its going to be so much better I won't have to buy cigarettes anymore" ....yep she's a narcissistic person
 
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