CPTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) vs BPD?

megirl

megirl

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Interesting, BleachedViolet, the BPD or cptsd diagnosis
 
megirl

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Totally agree easily triggered, gosh if I see someone who resembles my mother, my rational brain knows its not her. My emotional part starts to react I tense up, start to feel agitated ..incredible really
 
megirl

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bleachedViolet, sounds like you've been through a heck of a lot, and still having to deal with so much xx
 
BleachedViolet

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Totally agree easily triggered, gosh if I see someone who resembles my mother, my rational brain knows its not her. My emotional part starts to react I tense up, start to feel agitated ..incredible really
I can relate to the triggering. The sound of her voice makes me tense up, even over the phone.

The most hurtful thing my husband said to me, during an argument once, was "you sound just like your mother"...

Both our jaws dropped and he apologized right away, but it scared the shit out of me.

That's why his situation, aside from his own suffering, has brought up other issues is because when I snap I hear her in me coming out...

That's when I knew we had to do sonething; both get help, separate for a while, anything...

It's like no matter how far away I run... you cant help what you are to some degree, like a flower cant pick the shade or color it will grow into...

But you've made a clean break and I admire that. I know I need help. I thought I had made peace, but I still have a lot of darkness inside me i need to process. It's like grieving, in a way... I dunno if that makes sense..
Grieving for who you were never allowed to be, the relationship you were denied, the person you want to let go of, be the inside of you or external...

I dunno if that makes sense...

But I relate to everything you've said...
 
megirl

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Yes it is part of a huge journey, it's hard to let go, as you are clearly a caring sensitive person who thinks of others.
You do need to put your needs first do what's right for your mental health wellbeing. Its bloody hard as a caring person to come to the point actually that's it, when you can't take anymore.
x
 
BleachedViolet

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Yes it is part of a huge journey, it's hard to let go, as you are clearly a caring sensitive person who thinks of others.
You do need to put your needs first do what's right for your mental health wellbeing. Its bloody hard as a caring person to come to the point actually that's it, when you can't take anymore.
x
Thank you for your kind words and for sharing your experiences with me. You've been through hell and deserve freedom and peace.

I think you're a very caring and very special person.

I needed someone to talk to, and I admire your bravery. I'm here, too, if you need anyone... anytime...

:hug: xx ♡
 
G

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I think I read the same article. And mine was further complicated from actually having ptsd from 9/11. So I didn’t get a diagnosis until my 40s, even though I had had therapists in the past who indicated my mom was NPD.

I clung to that article because experts say ptsd is curable, bpd is not.

Then I realized that bpd is a product of prolonged trauma, starting in childhood and ongoing. While ptsd is incidental: one big trauma, or several. But there is a definite start and end to the trauma.which means there is room to cure it. Because it wasn’t lifelong.
 
megirl

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Same, always here to chat,
x its great you recognise you need help to cope and deal with what life's thrown at you,
You are the one who's been affected here

I once said to my mother after my dad died and yes shes the only one suffering.... Anyway I said nicely if counselling might be good...typical narcissist says...' I havnt got a problem...' Lol my dad was dead a couple of days and here she's worried about her blood pressure!!? Then tells me "its going to be so much better I won't have to buy cigarettes anymore" ....yep she's a narcissistic person
 
tiltawhirl

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I have CPTSD. I could have gotten over my parent's shit but other things happened, one right after the other. I only got that diagnosis recently but I already knew, whether the professionals did or not, that I had PTSD. And I think it is behind a lot of my symptoms rather than just anxiety. My parents are elderly. Mom is terminally ill. My dad is becoming quite an asshole. Last visit and it is long distance was so ugly that it was the straw that broke the camel's back. I am just so done with them. I tried my best for decades, thought it was working but found out at that visit that I had wasted my time. I will be the scapegoat...but that isn't new really. It is sad but I do not feel guilty. How can you lose what you never really had? There is a guy that has a series on you tube about narcisstic parents that has helped us so much. He goes by Narcissim (sp?) Survivor. I highly recommend it.
 
BleachedViolet

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I have CPTSD. I could have gotten over my parent's shit but other things happened, one right after the other. I only got that diagnosis recently but I already knew, whether the professionals did or not, that I had PTSD. And I think it is behind a lot of my symptoms rather than just anxiety. My parents are elderly. Mom is terminally ill. My dad is becoming quite an asshole. Last visit and it is long distance was so ugly that it was the straw that broke the camel's back. I am just so done with them. I tried my best for decades, thought it was working but found out at that visit that I had wasted my time. I will be the scapegoat...but that isn't new really. It is sad but I do not feel guilty. How can you lose what you never really had? There is a guy that has a series on you tube about narcisstic parents that has helped us so much. He goes by Narcissim (sp?) Survivor. I highly recommend it.
You make a lot of excellent points - especially "how can you lose what you never really had?" - sad, but relatable.

Thank you for sharing, and it breaks my heart reading and reliving things like this. I thought I had "crossed the hump", so to speak, but have had recent triggers. My mom's in the hospital and my dad's been calling nightly. He's lonely and I feel for him. He's a good man. But idk if it's age or just his temperament - he wont hear a negative word spoken about her. Now isn't appropriate, fine.

But idk how I can have a normal relationship with them - not that it's ever been "normal". Especially when they don't approve of my partner - although it's okay for my brother to marry and have children with a manipulative narcissist himself. He has his yuppie job, fits the mold.

I don't... I'm the square peg, and j think they need me to be that so they can avoid their own issues... they say they "understand" me, but haven't a clue who I am...

The proverbial "scapegoat", like you said...

I'll stop before I go off lol but thank you for sharing and bless you.

I'll be sure to look up/sub that YT channel. I've been watching those a lot lately. It's like a game of tetris, the peices are beginning to fit...

Thank you again for your perspective and help. At least we all have each other, right? :hug: xx
 
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