N
- Joined
- Nov 22, 2018
- Messages
- 2
Hi,
My title might suggest I’m a bit anxious but things right now are fairly awful. I had a CPN who ended up going off sick for 4 months. During this time I saw another person once, they were rude and critical.
So my original CPN returned. I saw her twice. She saw me once, went on annual leave for 2 weeks and the second appointment I was told that I needed to have ‘a break’
This came as a shock to me as I had told my Psychiatrist during this time that I was struggling. He simply told me that he could “not just magic me a cpn, that the nhs is in crisis and resources are scarce.” I understand that. I also appreciate the help I do get. But during the last CPN appointment, I was told “Less is more!, sometimes You need to go out and live your life. I’ve been seeing you for a while now. You put up barriers. You need a break, I won’t be seeing you, but you can still call me!”
I was really upset/confused and I tried to tell her this. she put her hand up and told me to STOP. She got annoyed with me and told me that she deserved a holiday and did not need to explain herself to me. I wasn’t asking her to explain herself. I was upset because I’d been struggling. So 8 or so weeks have passed. I’ve had no cpn contact. I see my psychiatrist for 15 mins every 3 weeks to sign ect treatment forms. Every time I’m given different excuses..... He has said, “yes the CPN is refusing to see you. It’s no big deal! I’m sure given time it can be sorted out. He then then tells me he has no control over CPN services that they are an independent body. That now, there’s been too big a gap to see my cpn again and that Nothing is changing in my life. And apparently my CPN has decided I’m hostile.
Initially my CPN told me there would be a meeting about my care plan. This never happened. My psychiatrist just makes excuses. Telling me he is busy. That if we are to discuss anything a longer appointment is necessary. Or if I want to see my cpn again I need to change my meds.
The whole situation has messed my head up. I don’t trust people. I was physically, emotionally and sexually abused at various points during my childhood. I don’t have contact with my family. And I am constantly being told that I am angry. I don’t have a great opinion of myself. I speak quietly, but when I feel comfortable enough I try to be assertive and explain myself. I do not shout. I’ve even recorded my psychiatric appointments and asked people who know me if I am angry. When I try and tell people I don’t feel great, I’m generally just fobbed off. I told my CPN about my daily suicidal thoughts, She said she did not think I would actually go through with it. I once said I hadn’t showered for two weeks, she told me I was unhygienic. I’ve phoned, she’s not available. My partner has phoned and nobody is available. I once phoned and was basically told “well there’s nothing we can do at 4:45pm”
I’m not a prolific caller, one of the few times I actually called and spoke to my CPN, I was told to take responsibility for myself.
She even once suggested maybe I’m just keeping myself in this state because I’m used to it. I do not want to feel the way I do. I take my meds. I have had MH issues since I was about 11. The first time I attempted suicide. But everything I do is wrong. If I don’t speak I’m being awkward and if I do speak I’m being told that I’m difficult and trying to cause an argument. I literally just want to give up. It seems as if your CPN can’t be bothered with you she just stops giving you appointments and ignores you. The psychiatrist says it’s not a big deal and apparently now I just be discharged because I’m just a horrible person. I feel humiliated and embarrassed because I don’t think I’m an angry person. But the services can say whatever they like to get rid of me.
I would really appreciate some advice.
Thanks
N
My title might suggest I’m a bit anxious but things right now are fairly awful. I had a CPN who ended up going off sick for 4 months. During this time I saw another person once, they were rude and critical.
So my original CPN returned. I saw her twice. She saw me once, went on annual leave for 2 weeks and the second appointment I was told that I needed to have ‘a break’
This came as a shock to me as I had told my Psychiatrist during this time that I was struggling. He simply told me that he could “not just magic me a cpn, that the nhs is in crisis and resources are scarce.” I understand that. I also appreciate the help I do get. But during the last CPN appointment, I was told “Less is more!, sometimes You need to go out and live your life. I’ve been seeing you for a while now. You put up barriers. You need a break, I won’t be seeing you, but you can still call me!”
I was really upset/confused and I tried to tell her this. she put her hand up and told me to STOP. She got annoyed with me and told me that she deserved a holiday and did not need to explain herself to me. I wasn’t asking her to explain herself. I was upset because I’d been struggling. So 8 or so weeks have passed. I’ve had no cpn contact. I see my psychiatrist for 15 mins every 3 weeks to sign ect treatment forms. Every time I’m given different excuses..... He has said, “yes the CPN is refusing to see you. It’s no big deal! I’m sure given time it can be sorted out. He then then tells me he has no control over CPN services that they are an independent body. That now, there’s been too big a gap to see my cpn again and that Nothing is changing in my life. And apparently my CPN has decided I’m hostile.
Initially my CPN told me there would be a meeting about my care plan. This never happened. My psychiatrist just makes excuses. Telling me he is busy. That if we are to discuss anything a longer appointment is necessary. Or if I want to see my cpn again I need to change my meds.
The whole situation has messed my head up. I don’t trust people. I was physically, emotionally and sexually abused at various points during my childhood. I don’t have contact with my family. And I am constantly being told that I am angry. I don’t have a great opinion of myself. I speak quietly, but when I feel comfortable enough I try to be assertive and explain myself. I do not shout. I’ve even recorded my psychiatric appointments and asked people who know me if I am angry. When I try and tell people I don’t feel great, I’m generally just fobbed off. I told my CPN about my daily suicidal thoughts, She said she did not think I would actually go through with it. I once said I hadn’t showered for two weeks, she told me I was unhygienic. I’ve phoned, she’s not available. My partner has phoned and nobody is available. I once phoned and was basically told “well there’s nothing we can do at 4:45pm”
I’m not a prolific caller, one of the few times I actually called and spoke to my CPN, I was told to take responsibility for myself.
She even once suggested maybe I’m just keeping myself in this state because I’m used to it. I do not want to feel the way I do. I take my meds. I have had MH issues since I was about 11. The first time I attempted suicide. But everything I do is wrong. If I don’t speak I’m being awkward and if I do speak I’m being told that I’m difficult and trying to cause an argument. I literally just want to give up. It seems as if your CPN can’t be bothered with you she just stops giving you appointments and ignores you. The psychiatrist says it’s not a big deal and apparently now I just be discharged because I’m just a horrible person. I feel humiliated and embarrassed because I don’t think I’m an angry person. But the services can say whatever they like to get rid of me.
I would really appreciate some advice.
Thanks
N
