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Couple Needs Help

W

warmoth081

New member
Joined
Apr 13, 2020
Messages
2
Location
New York City
Hi All,

I'm BP1 (with psychotic features when manic), and I've been dating a great girl for over a year, and I love her very much. I had a manic episode this last February and was hospitalized for approximately a month. It was brutal. My girlfriend was there for me every step of the way and saw every feature of my episode. At times it was pretty bad.

We (predominantly - she) has some questions about the illness, BP1. She also has *sigh* either naturally (?) or not questions about whether she want to stay with me. She loves me but she's worried about the implications of the illness for her life over time, our lives. I really want to stay together. I want to save our relationship and, like I said, love her very much.

My girlfriend has proposed that we talk to a therapist/BP specialist (maybe even over Skype while we all in quarantine) so we/she can ask(s) questions about the illness. For what it's worth, I keep hearing that I am *very light* in severity on the bipolar spectrum -- I'm not sure entirely what any of that means. I have, however, while medicated gone 7 years before my last manic episode.

I'm wondering if anyone has any feedback on any of this? I want to find that therapist who will talk to us over Skype. I would love for that person to have a more open-minded, generous viewpoint of the illness and not just shoot it down with all doom and gloom, like all the literature I'm reading on the web. I'm worried about talking to my own psychiatrist about relationship stuff. She seems particularly severe about the implications of having this illness, and I'm sure there are alternate takes that will also be honest and meanwhile answer my girlfriend's questions.

What do you think?

Do you know of such a person?

Thanks so much in advance.

Best,
Warmoth
 
Lunar Lady

Lunar Lady

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Mar 19, 2019
Messages
10,676
Location
UK
Hi there,

There are loads to choose from online. There's really no need to restrict yourself to your own area - 'online' takes geography out of the equation.

I had a quick look for anyone advertising BP1 and 2 for specific psychotherapy and provided the link here:


I think its a smart idea - the support is out there and you can use these strange times to support each other and grow together.

Good luck! xxx
 
calypso

calypso

Well-known member
Admin
Moderator
Joined
Jan 5, 2011
Messages
56,074
Location
Lancashire
I personally would be wary of online therapists (sorry Lunar Lady) but that might be just me. There is a book she could read written by two women who have relatives with Bipolar called
"Bipolar the Ultimate Guide" by Sarah Owen and Amanda Saunders. I think it will help your girlfriend a lot with this. It is available on Amazon £12.99 or much cheaper for a used copy.

If you have gone 7 years since your last episode you sound like me, having more depressions than manic episodes. I am now on a cocktail of drugs which balance me out if make me a little too sedated at times. Are you on the right meds? Its not the end of the world to have bipolar 1 and you can live with it successfully, I know this. But convincing her might be a problem.

In Britain, we have an organisation called Relate which is for couples to explore problems they may have. You can look them up on the internet. Do you have anything like that in the States? After all this is mainly a relationship problem in some ways.
 
F

Failing Heart

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 8, 2020
Messages
150
Location
Virginia
Hi All,

I'm BP1 (with psychotic features when manic), and I've been dating a great girl for over a year, and I love her very much. I had a manic episode this last February and was hospitalized for approximately a month. It was brutal. My girlfriend was there for me every step of the way and saw every feature of my episode. At times it was pretty bad.

We (predominantly - she) has some questions about the illness, BP1. She also has *sigh* either naturally (?) or not questions about whether she want to stay with me. She loves me but she's worried about the implications of the illness for her life over time, our lives. I really want to stay together. I want to save our relationship and, like I said, love her very much.

My girlfriend has proposed that we talk to a therapist/BP specialist (maybe even over Skype while we all in quarantine) so we/she can ask(s) questions about the illness. For what it's worth, I keep hearing that I am *very light* in severity on the bipolar spectrum -- I'm not sure entirely what any of that means. I have, however, while medicated gone 7 years before my last manic episode.

I'm wondering if anyone has any feedback on any of this? I want to find that therapist who will talk to us over Skype. I would love for that person to have a more open-minded, generous viewpoint of the illness and not just shoot it down with all doom and gloom, like all the literature I'm reading on the web. I'm worried about talking to my own psychiatrist about relationship stuff. She seems particularly severe about the implications of having this illness, and I'm sure there are alternate takes that will also be honest and meanwhile answer my girlfriend's questions.

What do you think?

Do you know of such a person?

Thanks so much in advance.

Best,
Warmoth
Oh man...I know we have all felt this (this topic in particular inspired my name). This is not what you want to hear but I’m going to give it to you straight. my view on this… If I were my boyfriend, I wouldn’t want to be with me. Why would anyone choose to deal with this!!? I think all you can do is continue to be honest and open with her and I agree it’s a good idea to do the therapy. Be careful what books you decide to read it because some of them are pretty discouraging on the bipolar side (stay away from “how to stop walking on egg shells“). At the end of the day, we are who we are and all we can do is try to manage our mental health the best we can. If people choose not to be with us because of this horrible illness…that’s ultimaltly got to be their choice. If they make the call that being with us is worth more than the struggle of dealing with the illness then that is fantastic… But I wouldn’t wish it on anyone and I wouldn’t hold a grudge towards anyone that makes the call that they don’t want to do it. After all, we want to be with someone that wants to be with us just as much, right? It sounds to me like she is not entering into this lightly and that if she does make the choice to stay… It will be for the long haul.
 
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