Counting down the days

B

Blue Smurf

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Dec 1, 2011
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#1
Hi,

I have recently split from my partner of 15 years, my whole life revolved around her. I have been split for 4 months now and I have got to the point where I am down a dark hole with no way out. I have suffered from depression, anxiety and adult ADHD for years now and have been hospitalised for a few months and been admitted with overdose. I am a normal person who has a good job but none of this matters anymore. I have points whereby I will mentally decide to commit suicide if things don’t improve by a set date, obviously I have passed those dates somehow but now I am totally rational about my feelings that this may be my last few days. I am on medication for all my symptoms and have been for years and what always helped when I had periods of depression before was my ex, and now I don’t have that which leaves me in the situation I find myself now. I was under crisis but no longer as I was getting better, sometimes it just felt like all they wanted to know was on a scale of 1-10 how likely I was to commit suicide or had those thoughts. I have been fighting this but I have no support system as I did not grow up here. I suppose I am just using this as a last ditch attempt to maybe try and postpone what feels like the inevitable. If any body has words of wisdom I would be very grateful as much as I have made peace with what I may do, I believe I owe it to family who I don’t really communicate with and my ex who I still speak to, to try all avenues before attempting suicide which will save me from a lifetime of having my heart ripped open every day. Thank you for reading this and for any comments you may have
 
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H

Helena1

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#2
Are you waiting for therapy or have you already had some?
 
G

Girl interupted

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#3
It’s very hard to define yourself without a partner if this is what you have been used to for years. And it can feel like there is no end to your brain torturing you.

It will get better with time, but you have to ride it out.

You can help yourself by, as the person above suggested, going to therapy. Or you can join your community centre and take a class. Or if you are religious, go to mosque or church or temple.

The key is to keep yourself busy. And to start to define yourself as your own person. Sitting alone will only make things worse. So do activities to distract your brain, and you will find in a couple of months that you are coping better.
 
Luci

Luci

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#4
I am in a similar situation at the moment if you follow my posts. Trust me when I say this will pass. You have lost a lot. You need to grieve. Be kind to yourself! Can you take leave from work and seek some therapy/support services? My inbox is open if you need to chat.
 
B

Blue Smurf

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#6
I had private therapy a few years ago but ended up in hospital for a couple of months so didn’t continue it after.
 
B

Blue Smurf

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Joined
Dec 1, 2011
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#7
It’s very hard to define yourself without a partner if this is what you have been used to for years. And it can feel like there is no end to your brain torturing you.

It will get better with time, but you have to ride it out.

You can help yourself by, as the person above suggested, going to therapy. Or you can join your community centre and take a class. Or if you are religious, go to mosque or church or temple.

The key is to keep yourself busy. And to start to define yourself as your own person. Sitting alone will only make things worse. So do activities to distract your brain, and you will find in a couple of months that you are coping better.
I have been going out hiking groups, the gym and gone out doing photography however, all that has lost its appeal because there is no one to talk to about it now. I just figure that I had a really good life for those 15 years and am happy to call it a day as nothing will ever be the same again.
 
G

Girl interupted

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#8
It won’t ever be the same, you are right. But it doesn’t mean it can’t be better. Or even better than it was. I’m proof of that. Hang in there.
 
B

Blue Smurf

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Dec 1, 2011
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#9
Where I find myself struggling is that there is no one I can talk to who can evidence that it can get better and how it got better for them. So when I hit these really negative and dangerous points there is part of me that is pushing the end it all plan and the rest of me is simply passive as the negative reasoning is logical.
 
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