• Share. Be Supported. Recover.

    We are a friendly, safe community supporting each other's mental health. We are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

Could this be personality disorder ?/ Can anyone relate ? Please help

O

Oleogasa

Member
Joined
Dec 14, 2014
Messages
7
Hello. This is going to be a very long letter and I hope that one of you can take your time and read it through because I'm on the edge here with my self and my life.

I don't know what is wrong with me. I´ve had many psychiatric diagnosis but recently I went for a new psychiatric diagnosis and so far I've got OCD, social anxiety disorder and suspected some personality disorder, i'm waiting now to get appointment for some personality test.

I feel like I'm stuck in the same circle, hitting the wall again and again.
For example I usually start looking for jobs in December, get very anxious in January, tired in April and then quit the job. I'm always going in circles with my diagnosis, constantly looking for what is wrong with me, seeking professional help and getting diagnosed. Than in between I'm satisfied with my doctors results but then again I start searching for what could be wrong with me. It's like I never see the big picture,
I haven't been able to keep a job or school because of my problems.

Then there is my periods/days/personality changes. This changes can be for a week, month or just one day, no formula, no rutine (except for the OCD):

1. I'm very anxious and have a lot of OCD symptoms and health anxiety. It is very bad in January/February.Than I have some periods with minimum anxiety, OCD and almost no health anxiety. I'm very insecure, isolated and nervous around people.

2. I´m obsessed with food and exercise and behave very anorexic. I have been diagnosed with eating disorder in this periods. In other periods I'm not so obsessed, I then don't go to the gym, think it's not my thing anymore, eat what I want. Less concerned about my looks and weight. (Some days, some days not)

3. I'm depressed, I eat candy and just lie in bed and watch Tv-shows all day. I feel tired, lazy and very moody. (1-3 days maybe)

4. I feel a little bit better. I act like an 10 year old, make jokes and behave very childish. I'm insecure in that periods but I smile a lot and try to have approval and attension like a child. Hyperactive and just not acting my age. (1-2 days, sometimes longer)

5. I act "cool", say mean things to my loved ones and don't remember it the next day. I than like to where different clothes and talk differently from usual. I feel a little bit like when I was in my teenage years. It's like "don't mess with me" attitude. I smoke more, listen to old music.

6. The perfect housewife. Cleaning, cooking, baking, being the perfect mother. Being mature. Being perfect. I dress then like I think mothers should dress. Go to a meetings in school and mingle with other grown ups. More confident in meetings, but I'm acting like this, because I know I have to.

7. I´m very calm and very spiritual. I´m a Christian and while in this period I pray a lot, go for a church, read much, very patient. I'm just calmer then usually and just like a completely different person.

8. Then it's the period where I´m always looking for what is wrong with me, reading about mental illnesses constantly and trying to put myself somewhere. It's like, then, I've forgotten all the diagnosis I have had in the past.

Then to my memory issues:
I have had a lot of memory issues for the last 20-25 years. Some periods are just missing completely.
I often experience while driving, like I miss 20 minutes of the trip and I do not remember what I was doing for that 20 minutes..it's like I jumped into another zone for that period of time.
I have, for example, registered the same rental contract twice. I went on "Wednesday" and again on "Thursday", with the same, only copied, contract, met the same lady and she just looked at me like I was insane and showed me my signature from the day before and I couldn't remember anything. I was terrified.

Then very strange things that I'm ashamed of:
Sometimes when I look into the mirror, I feel like my face has changed. I can sometimes stare into the mirror and see my face change. It always my face, but not completely...it's very hard to explain. Sometime my surroundings change as well and I feel like I don't know where I am, although I know...this is also very difficult to explain.
Sometime I see faces of others change, like eyes change to black. My husband suddenly is not like I normally see him or my surroundings are strange, like I don't know where I am, but I know in my head where I am, just don't feel like I know..very difficult to explain.
I've in the past heard things that wasn't real, and seen things that wasn't there but only couple of times.
Some time my furniture have like "auras" or something, the atmosphere changes, it's like I can see something in the air, like a mist or something, but usually during the night or if I wake up during night time.
I often fade out and miss conversations for a few seconds.

I have in the past had CT/CAT scan and some nerve examination, everything normal.
I have had many diagnosis in the past like Bipolar, anxiety, autism, ADHD and recently I got examined again by psychiatrists to get some picture of what is wrong with me because the past diagnosis didn't meet the full criteria. The now think that I have anxiety/social anxiety disorder and maybe some personality disorder, but I'm waiting for may appointment to take some personality tests. They weren't so sure of what was wrong and that made me feel like I'm starting this all over again and Is leaving me hopeless of getting the right treatment.

I'm so tired of this, going to psychiatrists again and again. I've been trying to get help since I was 20, now I'm getting 33. I've been in psychological therapy for 5 years and it has helped me but not like it could be doing, because no body knows exactly what is wrong with me.
It's like I'm missing the big picture all the time, going in circles, not remembering what I was doing, and never know in what period/mood I'm going to wake up in.

Can anyone relate to this ??????
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,529
Location
The West Country
First of all, welcome to the forum.

It sounds as though your experiences are quite complex, and don't fit neatly into a certain box or diagnosis.
Are you seeing a new psychiatrist who has given you the more recent diagnoses? Obviously different psychiatrists will have different opinions and approaches.

With regards to the memory thing, is this something you have talked to your psychiatrist about?
I don't have medical training and can't diagnose, but it sounds to me as if you might be having periods of dissociation. Again, I have no expertise but the more stress you're under, the more likely it is to happen.

When you say that you don't feel as though the psychological therapy has really helped to its full potential, do you feel that a correct diagnosis is essential to get the most out of it?
 
O

Oleogasa

Member
Joined
Dec 14, 2014
Messages
7
Thank you so much for your answer. :) Pschycological therapy has helped alot with dealing with some of the traumas i've been trough but psychiatrists have never found out 100% what is wrong and therefor I have been wrongly diagnosed and put on several medications with very negative side effects and I've been to several therapists and psychiatrists trying to get help but I don't feel any better and I'm still unable to function like normal people do. It's all so mixed up right know. And I think I'm not myself when seeing my pschyciatrist and my therapist and that makes everything more complicated. I say to myself every time I go there to be honest and be myself but something else takes over every time. I told my psychiatrist and my therapist about memory issues and my therapist think it's because of all my traumas and she thinks I have PTSD, eating disorder and anxiety . My psychiatrist thinks I don't have PTSD or eating disorder and isn't sure why I have memory issues. He thinks the eating issues is connected with my mental health but not specific disorder.
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 23, 2014
Messages
1,079
Hi Oleogasa and welcome to the forum.

You must feel worn out. I can't imagine what you're going through but, from what you've said here, I can understand why you're feeling so frustrated and fed up.

I hope that you get some of the answers you're looking for following your personality disorder test. It may be that they can't properly diagnose you or come up with a satisfactory result. If this is the case then perhaps getting help with your individual symptoms would make more sense than an actual diagnosis.

If you have problems opening up or not saying everything you want to with your psychiatrist or therapist, could you take someone with you to speak on your behalf? If not (and I have offered this advice on a few occasions) try writing down exactly how you feel - or print out this thread - and take it with you to show them at your next appointment. Doing this has helped me in the past.
 
T

Tiddle

Guest
Hi, I feel for your struggles. You seem to need to know what is 'wrong' with you but is having a diagnosis really going to make much of a difference for the better. Labels are only really helpful to guide treatment in a certain direction they don't actually mean anything other than stating you experience xyz.

You will still have the same symptoms but with another name to call them and at the end of the day the professionals will be treating your experience of how it affects your life.

I know having a firm diagnosis can be comforting to some and it can help understand a little bit as to why you are like you are which in itself can be somewhat healing but having some diagnosis' can be stigmatising and lead to poor treatment - personality disorders especially.

I also think we can get preoccupied with trying to find something 'wrong' with ourselves instead of focussing on what is 'right ' with us.
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
L Borderline Personality Disorder - Has anyone experienced something like this? Personality Disorders Forum 2
C Does anyone know what its like to have Avoidant Personality Disorder? Personality Disorders Forum 7
AnxiousE Anyone else with Dependent Personality Disorder or traits of it? Personality Disorders Forum 2
A Personality disorder? Anyone else? Personality Disorders Forum 14
amathus Secret Teacher: I dare not tell anyone about my Personality Disorder. Personality Disorders Forum 4
M Anyone else here have Paranoid Personality Disorder? Personality Disorders Forum 12
P Anyone else out there with enduring personality disorder following psychiatric illness? Personality Disorders Forum 5
Miss Janey anyone else with Paranoid Personality disorder? Personality Disorders Forum 17
R Mixed Personality Disorder Personality Disorders Forum 17
L ANTISOCIAL PERSONALITY DISORDER AND SPECULATIONS Personality Disorders Forum 4
C Childhood trauma resulting in personality disorder? Personality Disorders Forum 2
P My life turned into a nightmare because of paranoid personality disorder, I need help and suggestions Personality Disorders Forum 39
Sanjuro AVPD(Avoidant Personality Disorder) and diagnosis. Personality Disorders Forum 49
AlwaysCurious When is narcissism a personality disorder that needs professional treatment? Personality Disorders Forum 7
U Borderline personality disorder issues Personality Disorders Forum 9
K First Degree Relative Passing Personality Disorder Personality Disorders Forum 1
N Why I think I have avoidant personality disorder Personality Disorders Forum 6
L People with Antisocial Personality Disorder are the ones that emotionally and physically torment others in school Personality Disorders Forum 15
L What type of Personality Disorder do you think the notorious mobster serial killer Thomas Pitera had? Personality Disorders Forum 28
L Avoidant Personality Disorder Question Personality Disorders Forum 21
S Paranoid personality disorder? Personality Disorders Forum 2
G Is this a personality disorder? Personality Disorders Forum 1
G Emotionally unstable personality disorder Personality Disorders Forum 6
T I made a song about schizotypal personality disorder and wanted to share Personality Disorders Forum 3
A Unknown Personality Disorder Personality Disorders Forum 18
S Dependent personality disorder. If so, how did you overcome it? Personality Disorders Forum 3
T What personality disorder i have? Personality Disorders Forum 5
T Does my nephew sound like he has personality disorder Personality Disorders Forum 3
anayamoo Obsessive compulsive personality disorder Personality Disorders Forum 16
K do people with dependent personality disorder suffer from social anxiety Personality Disorders Forum 3
E Undiagnosable personality disorder Personality Disorders Forum 6
C What is a Personality Disorder? Personality Disorders Forum 14
bluestar ocean Never diagnosed with any personality disorder though recently self sabotage my happiness Personality Disorders Forum 2
E Can people with paranoid personality disorder be dangerous? Personality Disorders Forum 29
I Avoidant Personality disorder and terrified to talk on the phone Personality Disorders Forum 24
Star_light Living with HPD: Histrionic Personality Disorder Personality Disorders Forum 21
B Avoidant personality disorder triggers Personality Disorders Forum 4
D I've got Borderline personality disorder as well as dysthymic disorder. I seek help and counsel. Personality Disorders Forum 4
Summerof76 Schizoid-Avoidant Personality Disorder Personality Disorders Forum 20
S Just been diagnosed with an emotionally unstable personality disorder - seeking advice of others with same Personality Disorders Forum 7
W how do you know if you have a personality disorder? Personality Disorders Forum 4
T have i got a personality disorder or just depression ?desperate for advice Personality Disorders Forum 5
S Paranoid Personality Disorder Personality Disorders Forum 2
S I have personality disorder and really struggling with anything social. Feel really alone . All I do is work all I can to forget my problems. I have t Personality Disorders Forum 20
K Antisocial Personality Disorder ? Personality Disorders Forum 5
P Can being picked on all yhrough school cause avoidant personality disorder? Personality Disorders Forum 4
S Diagnosed with Avoidant Personality Disorder, can you help..? Personality Disorders Forum 2
Azelka Possible skyzotipal personality disorder Personality Disorders Forum 5
Connorisnotokay Possible personality disorder? Personality Disorders Forum 3
J What is Schizoid Personality Disorder and do you have it? Personality Disorders Forum 10

Similar threads

Top