Could this be CPTSD

daffy

daffy

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I’ve been mentally most of my life. My first breakdown was at 14 and was hospitalised for 6weeks. Finally 15 years ago I dx schitzoaffective after a lifetime of meditation. I had a very traumatic childhood with a very abusive mother who was extremely violent , beatings were regular but she also tried to smother both me and my sister. I won’t go into all she did just to say it was awful and it’s making me shake just writing this and thinking what’s she put us thru. It wasnt the normal clip on the head or smack on the backside but proper beatingwith what’re was in her had be it dog chain or spade. My gp even told me to leave home as he realised there was something amiss about my mum.

I then that got married and went straight into a marriage that was doomed. I even told my mum the night before the wedding I didn’t want to go thru with it. I thought the drinking would stop once we’re married. But she was adamant I must. My dad had died just one month before and she said she couldn’t cope with any more upset. Well he turned into a violent alcoholic and kept me emotionally and financially stuck to him. I tried to leave but that was not possible. Some may understand why I couldn’t leave. I was hospitalised on a few occasions suffering broken nose, ribs , fractured jaw and umpteen black eyes and split lips and once he locked me in a dirty shed overnight, hence my fear of the dark. However eventually he met someone else and left me. Thank god.

But evn now 50 years after the beatings form my mum 25 years afte my ex left I’m still having regular nightmares and wake up screaming several times a week , surely this should all be long gone from me I’m 65 and frightened to go to sleep. I once mentioned it to my pdoc and she realised I’ve a very poor memory of childhood with lots of blanks. I was sent for psychotherapy but found it too distressing so stopped.

I’m wondering now if this dx of schitzoaffective could have been wrong . Is also suffer depression GAD and social anxiety. I’m don’t know whether to get in touch with my CPN , I’ve always been able to talk to her. Is it possible I’ve been miss diagnosed all this time.
 
daffy

daffy

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#2
Phoned the gps this morning and asked to speak to the CPN. Unfortunately she wasn’t in but said they would give her the message. Hopefully I’ll be able to get an appointment in the next couple of weeks.
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

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#3
Hi daffy.Sorry for everything you've been through.yes it sounds to me like it could possibly be CPTSD.