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could it be depression?

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pgh1212

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Jan 13, 2008
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Hey guys, I'm 20 years old and confused as hell with life...

Anyway I'm a sophomore in college and I have tons of friends. I'm in a fraternity and always out with friends whether its just around campus or at parties. Like I said, I'm in a fraternity so I have plenty of social events to go to, but lately I can't stop thinking about my freshman year at school....let me explain

So last year (my freshman year) was without at doubt, the BEST YEAR of my life! I met so many new people, started to live on my own, and basically started to experience life. I lived in the dorms, and still do (my school requires freshman and sophomores to live in the dorms). Anyway out of the people in wing of the building (around 44 people I think), I became awesome friends with ALL of them. I live with 4 guys from my hall last year and I have tons of fun. My room mate was literally the coolest person I have ever met. We were practically best friends from the instant we met. Our personalities are identical and we like the exact same things so we got along amazingly. My room mate last year had to transfer to a different school this year, so its just not the same. I met him last year, and we were practically best friends. I don't even know how to explain it. I've never had such a good friend. Its like you're given everything, but then its gone all of a sudden before you can enjoy it.

I have so many memories from last year that are just so vivid and clear that it almost feels like a video recording. I have never experienced anything in my life like this at all and its almost depressing to go on without being this happy. Last year just seems like nirvana to me because it was so awesome. I literally went from living with 40 something best friends, to knowing like 10 people in my new building this year.

For some reason I feel like I will NEVER EVER be able to top last year. Its depressing to think about the best year of my life and feel like I will never experience anything like it in my life and I'm only 20 years old. I don't really have anyone to talk to about it here at school so I just decided to vent my feelings here and hope that someone would read it.
 
Fedup

Fedup

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Firstly hello and :welcome:

Pleased you had an amazing year last year :). It is such a great feeling when we meet a true friend i'm pleased at such a young age you have done that.:)

Do you still both keep in contact ?

As for asking if it's depression ............. only your gp could tell you that.

How do you function in your day to day life? You still seem quite active to me.
Perhap's because last year was sooo good , you are expecting this year to follow suit.

Anyway's sorry for rambling ....... i do hope you are able to resolve this low feeling mood soon .

Takecare now :hug:
 
midnight

midnight

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Hiya welcome what a tough situation

Certainly you don't sound too happy, maybe I can help alittle?

When you loose friends it takes time to adjust to a new life, its a long way from loosing someone through death but bizarrely you have to work through similar emotions so what you are feeling it totally natural and often underrated in terms of how difficult it can be. Those emotions are generally a denial that its happening, an anger that it has happened, the loss feeling and the emotions of sadness that go with it and finally the acceptance phase where you never forget the fun you had but you can get on with day to day life.

DO you need help? I would suggest that you check out one of the many web pages that tell you the symptoms of clear clinical depression and if you are really gettting to the end of your tether talk to a doctor.

Hope things get better soon and keep in touch
 
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pgh1212

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I don't know, I don't think its depression, more or less just a pissed of feeling that last year had to end. I'm generally a happy person, and have never had suicidal thoughts so don't worry about that :). We still keep in contact but it sucks since we're both in college and never have the time to hang out. I don't have a car so I can't go visit unless another one of our friends does, and neither does he. Lol I know this is gonna sound gay, but I don't even have the same relationship with my best friend from home, who I've known since I was like 5. It's weird meeting someone and instantly becoming a best friend in less than a few weeks. I have never felt this before, even when splitting up with a girlfriend.
 
midnight

midnight

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Hey glad you got back in touch, keep us updated how things go on
 
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pgh1212

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We usually keep in pretty good contact. We both play xbox live a lot together, or just talk on aim. Its not just my friend that I miss, it was the whole experience of living away for the first time, the dorm itself, and all of my friends there. Seriously, I'm awesome friends with EVERY SINGLE PERSON that lived on the wing. There were around 24 rooms in my section, with 2 people living in the rooms, and a 2 that had 3 people. So thats like being around 50 good friends 24/7. Like I mentioned before, I'm currently living with 3 of the guys that I was with last year so I'm always around those guys. I just had so much fun last year, the spring especially. There was always something to do. I would never ever be bored. I created playlists in itunes of music that I used to listen that year, and it just almost makes me want to cry when I listen to it because it reminds me of the happiest time in my life and I feel like I'll never have that again. Its a bittersweet feeling.

I know I'm still young (20), and have a lot ahead of me, but I'm having a tough time finding a girlfriend. Sure everyone wants to find true love, but I'm having no luck in even finding love. I've only had one real girlfriend (little over two year relationship), and a few girls that I talked to for a while but nothing really clicked. Even with my girlfriend, it was just like a best friend kind of feeling, not really that much love. So I don't even know if she would be a true girlfriend lol. I'm not the greatest at talking to girls either so that doesn't help either.
 
midnight

midnight

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Good for you for being so honest, is it helping talking? I hope it is. You sound as so you are well grounded even if abit unhappy at the moment but you are right you have many years of fun ahead of you

I detested college personally and couldn't wait to leave to get a job, I found the whole thing too much responsibility I think - my parents kinda wrapped me in cotton wool while I was young.

Once I got into the world of work I met so many fab friends and for me my mid twenties were the best - I took an extra part time job in a local club as a lighting jockey, I loved it. I used to hang out with loads of celebs and even got invited to Ibiza to spend a week there with a bunch of DJ's which I did and one day I even ended up presenting on MTV for a day. How I got to that point I just don't know.

SO I guess what I am saying is you have loads of time for fun experiences before you even need to settle down and think I have had the best years and don't worry about girls we really don't bite you know. GO out have fun let your hair down and go wild and have something to tell your grandkids about !!!!!

Take care and keep in touch
 
Fedup

Fedup

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I agree takecare and keep intouch .
Take one day at a time :)
 
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pgh1212

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I guess I was just having a rough time when I posted because my friend visited the weekend before and it was so much fun. We went out with all of our old friends and got trashed like old times! Lol it was so much fun and I never ever wanted it to end. About the girlfriend thing, its not that I have trouble meeting girls, but the ones that I do are just so different from me and I have no interest in them. I would say I'm a pretty good looking guy (not model good looking though lol), and I'm in pretty good shape. I guess I'm just looking in the wrong places. I've even thought about checking out online dating websites just to see if anything happens. I kinda missed the chance to start something with one of my really good friends. If i were to say anything now about how I felt then it would just be weird when we're around each other. She hangs out in my "group" of close friends at home, and it would be awkward to start anything now since everyone is such good friends. She is probably the single coolest girl I've ever hung out with, and loves the same things that I do. We're so similar and get along amazingly, but like I said a relationship is too late now and could ruin our friendship which I don't want to do.

Wow, I just wanted to get that off my chest. It just feels good to get that out there, even though I don't even know any of you guys. If I were to say this to my guy friends they'd give me shit forever...you know how guys are. Anyway thanks for reading this if you make it this far.

Just to let you guys know, even though my posts may sound like I'm depressed, I'm a very happy person. I have tons of awesome friends, and I have confidence in myself. I just have some things I wish I could change in my life just like everyone else.
 
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pgh1212

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Jan 13, 2008
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Hey guys, just wanted to see how everything is going.

I was up for a while but couldn't get any sleep so I decided to just see how everything is going. Anyway, I'm still pissed off that last school year is over, even though I'm still good friends with everyone. Anyway, I thought of something....Remember how I said that I was ridiculously happy last year? I was so happy with my life at one point last year, my grandma died and still nothing could even touch my life. I was very close with my grandma, but my life was so surrounded by my friends of the floor that nothing else mattered. Everyone was there for me at the time, and that week where I was "depressed" didn't even matter to me. At that time, I was untouchable. My life was amazing. I don't eve know how to describe it.
 
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Dollit

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Hi pgh, nice to see you again. I think that for most of us there is a period in our lives when it was the golden time, when things that weren't too good happened and we coped in style. It's usually when we're young and we have a kind of optimism that life's experiences kind of knocks out of us and we become realistic in a sense that's not always the best. My golden time was the year I worked in a holiday camp. I was 23, going on 24, I worked there 16 weeks, made some fantastic friends (we all grew apart eventually), worked harder than I'd ever done in my life, earned a lot of money, spent a lot of money, had loads of sex with gorgeous guys and then I came home. The following year I lost my only brother in a car crash ten days before my 25th birthday (I took that in my stride at the time but still miss him very much), the year after that I got married and moved away from my hometown. Things have never quite had that glow of that time in the holiday camp but I've had different times since. I've done things I didn't dream that I could or would want to do even! I can't work anymore but I do some unpaid work and the big boss who doesn't even compliment his paid staff sent me an email to say he was aware of me and my reputation to thank me for my work and the way I supported his staff. It was totally out of the blue and he doesn't do praise - ever. It's not the golden glow I used to get but it's still special. You have those special times to come. :hug:
 
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