Could I suffer from Bipolar?

[sweetadeline]

Firstly, I feel like a complete freak. I'm 17, and it's just getting worse. I go through moments of severe depression. When I'm in a depressive state, I sometimes contemplate suicide. It kind of becomes and obsession. I just want to be alone in my room. I become sensitive to sound and bright light. (I sit in my room with my curtains shut and only need the light of my computer.) When my mum comes into my room, or raises her voice when she's on the phone, I feel like smashing everything in the house up. This makes me feel bad, because I love my mum, but I can't control these feelings. I don't even know why I feel like this. When I'm feeling down, I just hate myself so much, and I tell myself things like "I've had enough, I'm going to have to kill myself one day." I feel like this most of the time. Other times, I feel happy and optimistic..but not to any extreme. This is why I'm doubting that I have Bipolar. When I do feel positive, it's the best feeling ever, but I know it won't last.. it's the same routine over and over. I have never experienced extreme mania, and I've never hallucinated. My mind does often race with thoughts though. Weird thoughts. Like, today, I was sitting on the bus, and I found myself thinking about what would happen if the bus was on fire. I imagined everything that would happen in detail, and I thought about it for about 5 minutes. Then I thought to myself, "what the hell?!" This happens often. I also hear voices within my head.. like most people(?) But the weird thing is, I believe what "they" say. Eg. I walk downstairs, get a packet of biscuits out of the cupboard, and then I leave them on the side. Then, after about 5 seconds, a voice in my head tells me that it's wrong, and bad things will happen to me if I don't put them back in the cupboard. The voice that I hear is my OWN thoughts though, I'm not hallucinating, but I just feel the need to do what it says. I also suffer with extreme anxiety. Especially social. I find it difficult to talk to most people and this makes me feel worse. Does any of this sound odd? It's beginning to worry me and I can't talk to anyone.

 

[The Ghost Of Troubled Joe]

Hey. In my opinion it could be bipolar, though without extreme mania, etc, it's likely to be bipolar II or cyclothymia. You're only 17 though, so it's quite early to say.

In my opinion it could also be borderline personality disorder.

With regards to the biscuits in the cupboard, that, to me, sounds a little bit like obsessive compulsive disorder. Your obsessive thoughts about death could also be linked to this.

You also sound like you have social anxiety disorder.

It's also worth noting that each of the above disorders can co-exist with each other.

If things start to get out of hand, go and see your doctor. In the meantime, in my opinion you should do some research into the above conditions, and see what you think. I don't wish to overburden an already fragile mind, so please don't worry; understand that knowing the problem is the first step to finding a solution.

Take care

Joe