I often feel like I'm not good enough as not many people care about me and I'm not getting the emotional support that I need. The logical side of my brain can tell that the few friends I have do care, even if they don't often express it with words, but I'm still unhappy and expecting more. I feel obsessed with the need to be cared for, partly because I didn't get any affection during my childhood and had bad experiences with the kids in school, partly because I just don't feel worthy and I don't think good things about myself, so I'm hoping that others will do it for me.
This plays a major part in why I feel so miserable every day, I feel like I don't matter if people don't love me. I know that I should be more grateful for what I do have and not expect so much.
Is there any way to get over seeking affection and validation from other people and be self sufficient? I tried to make my self esteem better before but it always makes me feel worse, as I feel like I'm lying to myself and I don't like it.
Ipanema advised you try and see a therapist. That definitely sounds like something that would help. We are all human and positive attention is natural to seek- it gives us purpose, makes us feel needed and wanted- as if we have a reason for being. Also, how you seek care- wishing to physically be in pain to gain that attention- that's a regressive thought-schema. As a child, the only time you received positive attention was when you were in pain or physically hurt?
Or that's what you saw- the weaker person getting attention, when you were being deprived of it and then possibly made to feel guilty (emotionally blackmailed), when you asked for it.
For those of us made to feel like a missed abortion by our parents, self-love is a growth process. It can take years; sometimes a life time, but it's not impossible.
I was very much where you are now, but hitting middle age I have the philosophy that unless they pay my rent and put food in my stomach, I really couldn't give a sh*t whether I have their validation or approval. I live life for me.
Yep, there are days when I look in the mirror and wonder what fe-diddle I've become; scold myself for not being 'normal' and cry over the fact that I have no friends (slight lie- I have one, who lives over 400 miles away!), I'm 44, still single and become the crazy cat lady. Especially when I look at Facecrutch and see people of my age on their 3rd divorce and CEO's of multi-blah companies, while I can't have a relationship that lasts more than 6 months and work as a glorified secretary.
However, a lovely cognitive therapist once drew me a chart, during one of the lowest points in my life and when I pull it out, I realise just how far I've come. I wipe my snot away and remember the strategies he taught me. I also remember that NO ONE is worthless and EVERY ONE has a purpose.
Something that has helped me greatly was doing my family tree. Simple people from a simple time and they had no idea how much of an impact they had on the future. It put a lot in to perspective for me.