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Core Beliefs ingrained

Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

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I was wondering if anyone else wanted to diminish their core beliefs a bit by shining some light on them.

Due to the piss poor manner in which I was raised, I received the core belief that "I do not deserve to BE". It very clearly is worded this way exactly.

As I go through life and acquire various layers and shed others, the core belief still exists until it is transcended.

I am shocked when I go in a public situation and find myself a hapless child with no self esteem; afraid of people due to the core belief.

I am also happy when I go into a public gathering and am able to attend to it as a functioning adult with some capacity for compassion or at least in a neutral position.

I would be curious to read other people's Core Beliefs that had to be challenged. How many variations on core beliefs can there be ??

The only cure for such a core belief is love.
 
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Kerome

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The one that I have had the most trouble with is "people other than my parents cannot love me". I'm still struggling with it, because it leads me to dismiss the possibility of romantic love before it ever gets started. I found the origin of it, parts of my childhood when I was not part of any social groups. Huge effect on my life, this had, and I've so far been unable to resolve it.
 
SomersetScorpio

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Core beliefs.. i'd totally forgotten about that concept.

I remember it was discussed a lot in a self-esteem CBT group I attended years ago, but i'd forgotten about it.

I think you're on to something Poopy. It can be really helpful to identify what they are and shine light on them (so hopefully they'll wither and die, hah).

Off the top of my head, i'd say a big core belief of mine is similar to what Kermone said.
I don't think i'm lovable.
It's not just in the romantic sense either, I don't think even as a friend that i'm lovable. :shrug:
 
Poopy Doll

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Thank you both for your fascinating responses. I have never heard someone else's core beliefs before. I believe I will always carry the core belief in my mind during this lifetime but I also believe it can be minimized to a distant memory.
 
AliceinWonderland

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I think I share the same core belief as you Poopy Doll, and for the same reasons. Thanks for posting about this, I'm sure I have others, I'll have a think about it.
 
Poopy Doll

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Well, Alice, I never thought about there being others !!!

I don't want to take my bf's inventory, but I suspect he has a core belief of "Anger is BAD". He never gets angry. Even when he sponsored a guy in AA and the guy got arrested driving with no license and gave my bf's name and address as his own and we got the summons to court; my bf never got angry with this guy.

In a Buddhist sense, anger is a poison, so my bf is doing well. Is this a good core belief or a bad core belief ??

I think there must be good core beliefs too.
 
mami5

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My core belief is that I am bad/evil and need to be punished. This has come from my mother telling us we were bad and that she'd never seen kids as bad as us as she spanked us when we were young. As the youngest I was very young compared to my brother and sister. This belief has been strengthened by my two abusive ex husbands. As a result I too believe I'm unlovable and don't deserve anything nice.
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

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Yes, mami, a most unfortunate foundation programming.

When I met a couple of Buddhist monks, I latched onto their alternate program of having Compassion for Others and For Oneself. Having Compassion for my own self was so new. It has taken me years to incorporate.

Abusive words can send me right into not deserving to live but when it happens now I realize it's not real. It's just an old program running. In a day I am out of it. Sometimes it's only hours.
 
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I

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Wow I am sorry for all your sad core beliefs. You are all worthy of love and don't deserve to be punished or abused. :hug:

My core belief is that I am inferior to men.
 
SomersetScorpio

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Another one of my core beliefs is "Anger is Bad" too.

And I have a lot of respect for Buddhist teachings, and as you pointed out Poopy, they are very much of the belief that anger is poison.

However i've started to think that if i'm not being honest with myself about being angry, it's not authentic and causes more problems down the line.
I still don't know how to express my anger but I think it's better to acknowledge it rather than not.

It's a really tricky one though, for sure.
 
Poopy Doll

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Now that you point that out, SomersetScorpio, I had the core belief anger is bad too. I discovered years ago that my anger was my Power. There are appropriate ways to speak our anger. Repressing it makes it come out too strong. A controlled anger is what's wanted, I think. And learning that there are very few times you need to be angry. In a controlled way we can say, "I am very angry because you did such and such." And the other person can acknowledge your anger instead of rejecting it as invalid.

Anger gave me the power to confront my own programming from my parents. But then if you continue to indulge in the anger, it turns into a poison. So I guess you feel it, and let it go.
 
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Poopy Doll

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Another thought: My mother did not allow me to get angry. She would slap me if I spoke up for myself. It was so frequent, I ran away from home at 15. So what I mean to say is she took my power away from me. To get it back I had to feel my original anger. Later, when I met the Buddhists, it was time to let the anger go. But it very much helped me to get in touch with the anger and challenge the I am Not Allowed to Get Angry.
 
SomersetScorpio

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It's helpful for me just to have that sequence of dealing with anger written out - feel it, heal it, let it go.

I think a lot of girls get the message that it's not ok to be angry, that you should be a "good girl". And as you get older, you don't want to be a "bitch".

For me, I was told by my older brother (who still is an abusive ****) that I needed to learn to be nice, because I was fat and ugly. I couldn't be ugly and mean, or nobody would like me.
Having my lack of attractiveness drilled into my head as a teenager when I was bullied, i've always felt I had to over-compensate by being a pleasant person because I wasn't pleasant to look at.

I do think in the last year or two, that's started to shift. I couldn't care less if i'm not conventionally attractive - if i'm pissed off, then i'm pissed off. And that's ok.
 
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