Copy-pasted from my intro, but, all helpers welcome.

[Guy25]

I'm pretty sure I suffer from some form of clinical depression and I'm reaching out in anyway I can. I need it.

I'm already on Prozac (not doing much) and I'm seeing a psychiatrist (on monday again) but I'm still not...fixed. Any suggestions, anything that could help, that's what I'm looking for. On that note, no religious and/or spiritual stuff, it doesn't work for me, I'm just to concerned with what is.

I say "I'm pretty sure" because (I will ask the doc about it) my mother (never really helps) says I don't have it 'not exactly'. The point being, she muddies things up.

I'm a pretty isolated guy (did I mention that?) and I'm 17. Relationships don't exactly work for me since I'm way too different, I could not even dream of speaking to any of my friends and expect them to understand. It's not a teen angst thing, it's a fact, I'm just on a completely different intellectual and emotional level (not necessarily better, although I'm tempted to say so, just different). I seem to be unable to connect, to feel love from others, to fall in love. I have a fear of rejection as well so that's not helping. I'm not an intellectual coward, I am willing to face the facts square in the face. But, I fear I am a social coward and I think it's killing me.

 

[matt]

Hi,
Couple of questions for you. In your opinion do you seem to "lack normal emotions" or are you "over emotional" or neither? Are you somewhat withdrawn in public or in crowds? Do you think you are shy or possibly an introvert? Do you feel that others view you in a critical way ? How concerned are you as to how others view you as a person?

 

[Guy25]

Hi,
Couple of questions for you. In your opinion do you seem to "lack normal emotions" or are you "over emotional" or neither? Are you somewhat withdrawn in public or in crowds? Do you think you are shy or possibly an introvert? Do you feel that others view you in a critical way ? How concerned are you as to how others view you as a person?

I just seem to lack normal connections. I don't know how to describe it.

Yes, I am withdrawn most of the time, I usually am by myself as well. Shy or introvert? A combination of that.

I know others view me in 'critical' ways. But most 'others' are remarkably stupid, so it doesn't matter much. Those that aren't stupid respect me, i think. But I still feel isolated.

 

[honeyquince]

The key to this is to take it up with your pdoc on Monday. There are so many shades of depression that we can't diagnose here but it's good that you are seeing someone who can. You also need to discuss the lack of response to prozac (it didn't do anything for me either but then again all of us are different and respond to different drugs in different ways).

Let us know how you get on with your pdoc and take care,
Honey, xx

 

[Guy25]

Is there nothing else I can do? Nothing at all? is this going to be the story of my life? Shallow ups and profound downs?

Why should I not commit suicide, then? How do normal people get by? has anybody beat depression?

 

[saffron]

not sure if any one fixed/beat depression or any thing else, but it is a hard slog to get through inner most feelings, especially if you feel that no one will ever understand the way you feel. and its even harder to think that your mother, of all people, should kknow what you are feeling, but every one is human and cannot see into others minds or just simply do not understand.
it comes across that you seem to assume that just because people do not 'get you' or 'understand' that they are stupid or not interested. Why should they understand, how are you trying to make them........ sometimes I blind people with 'science' because I have had to research what I think Is my problem?, I then try to get it across to people in a sterile way, thinking that they will understand It more because they seem so much more on track,, alas, I find they are even more confused than I am , and try to come up with some answers and I look at the as if they just do not comprehend what I am going through. , they are never going to be able to come up with a fix though. no one is.
It becomes unbarably frustrating and I still feel I am constantly banging my head against the wall or talking to aliens, does that sound familier.
finding someone who understands is a task, but I feel if you understood yourself a bit more then it will be easier to explain? maybe you could write down ten or so key words to describe how you think you want things to be then rate them in importance or acheiveable. maybe you can see what needs to be done to help yourself.
that probably does not make any sense and sorry to waffle on.
best wishes
S

 

[Dollit]

People "beat" depression all the time. Some people will have maybe one or two bouts in their life time and never again. I'm bipolar with a tendency to depression, devastating depression and I can't work but I do very meaningful stuff in my life. Talking to a friend earlier about what I do in the few hours a week I can and it makes a big difference.

Don't lose heart, it's not the end of the world but it does mean that sometimes you have to rethink how your world works.

 

[matt]

Saffron, Bravo!

 

[matt]

I was not and do not try to diagnose as I am not qualified to do so. By asking you questions I simply want you to be sure your mind is open...open minded is a BIG key to all of this . I was shy as a young man and recall how much it can hold a person back from enjoying what others are enjoying around you . I found that in its self( me not enjoying what they were or not being part of the on going events) Made me feel I was different and misunderstood.....When actually in retro I was quiet and reserved.... it is okay to be quiet and reserved. I "came out of my shell" in my early 30's........

 

[Guy25]

I'm smarter than most of my classmates. I'm also more guarded I guess, people are surprised when i say i'm sad, because I'm damn good at hiding it.

 

[Guy25]

not sure if any one fixed/beat depression or any thing else, but it is a hard slog to get through inner most feelings, especially if you feel that no one will ever understand the way you feel. and its even harder to think that your mother, of all people, should kknow what you are feeling, but every one is human and cannot see into others minds or just simply do not understand.
it comes across that you seem to assume that just because people do not 'get you' or 'understand' that they are stupid or not interested. Why should they understand, how are you trying to make them........ sometimes I blind people with 'science' because I have had to research what I think Is my problem?, I then try to get it across to people in a sterile way, thinking that they will understand It more because they seem so much more on track,, alas, I find they are even more confused than I am , and try to come up with some answers and I look at the as if they just do not comprehend what I am going through. , they are never going to be able to come up with a fix though. no one is.
It becomes unbarably frustrating and I still feel I am constantly banging my head against the wall or talking to aliens, does that sound familier.
finding someone who understands is a task, but I feel if you understood yourself a bit more then it will be easier to explain? maybe you could write down ten or so key words to describe how you think you want things to be then rate them in importance or acheiveable. maybe you can see what needs to be done to help yourself.
that probably does not make any sense and sorry to waffle on.
best wishes
S

You're not waffling, you're giving ideas, and good ones.

I think I understand myself pretty well, but depression taints perception and thus I do not trust my judgment. Not a 100%. It is frustrating and I'm 17 but nonetheless I worry that I will die isolated and miserable. I can't stop thinking about this dread.

 

[saffron]

Not being able to share or believe that anybody will understand is depressing in itself, a trigger, I suppose, which I think then leads you to think that you are on your own. It a horrible feeling that I believe most people with depression go through, understanding yourself a bit more will help in the long run I beleive, and realising that people in general would not understand what we go through unless they have been through it themselves.
we can chat though and all of us on this site will give you their experiences and you can then look at your own feelings and understand, or at least accept that you are not alone and we understand, or are going through similar.
hope that helps
S

 

[Guy25]

Yeah, it does, i think. But, it's the story of my life, you see, I've been isolated for most of my life. I hate it.

 

[saffron]

Its okay to feel like that, but im not sure what the answer is. I know that I am beginning to look for answers in myself rather than relying on others, and I tend to back up my feelings about my self by telling myself I have every right to have feelings like I do, not so much to pass the blame or to feel sorry for myself, but to search for answers further than people who are immediately near, cos I dont believe they fully understand, then again Ive never really given them the option because I dont feel it is worth bothereing them about, but then again, why shouldnt I bother them with it, they are supposed to be friends, but then are they? see paranoia can drive you mad. I have now done lots of research and come to the conclusion that you can only be honest with people and that they will either embrase it or run, but it s not me they are running from but the not knowing.
sorry for going on
S

ps, being honest with myself helps as well. I admit now that it is the way I think about things that influences my life and yes I can take time to think things over, thats ok.

 

[Guy25]

No need to apologize, words are what I (or we) need now. It's not, perhaps, that they're not good friends but that they don't understand, they can't empathize because they've never been there. in my case, I do not know anyone trustworthy that suffers from depression. So, it's worth bothering for, but it seems futile.