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amathus

amathus

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Step #1: Promise not to do anything right now

Even though you’re in a lot of pain right now, give yourself some distance between thoughts and action. Make a promise to yourself: "I will wait 24 hours and won't do anything drastic during that time." Or, wait a week.

Thoughts and actions are two different things—your suicidal thoughts do not have to become a reality. There’s is no deadline, no one pushing you to act on these thoughts immediately. Wait. Wait and put some distance between your suicidal thoughts and suicidal action.

Step #2: Avoid drugs and alcohol

Suicidal thoughts can become even stronger if you have taken drugs or alcohol. It is important to not use nonprescription drugs or alcohol when you feel hopeless or are thinking about suicide.

Step #3: Make your home safe

Remove things you could use to hurt yourself. If you are unable to do so, go to a place where you can feel safe. If you are thinking of taking an overdose, give your medicines to someone who can return them to you one day at a time as you need them.

Step #4: Take hope—people DO get through this.

Even people who feel as badly as you are feeling now manage to survive these feelings. Take hope in this. There is a very good chance that you are going to live through these feelings, no matter how much self-loathing, hopelessness, or isolation you are currently experiencing. Just give yourself the time needed and don’t try to go it alone.

Step #5: Don’t keep these suicidal feelings to yourself

Many of us have found that the first step to coping with suicidal thoughts and feelings is to share them with someone we trust. It may be a friend, a therapist, a member of the clergy, a teacher, a family doctor, a coach, or an experienced counselor at the end of a helpline. Find someone you trust and let them know how bad things are. Don’t let fear, shame, or embarrassment prevent you from seeking help. Just talking about how you got to this point in your life can release a lot of the pressure that’s building up and help you find a way to cope.

(helpguide.org)
 
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E

echo66

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Aug 21, 2014
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226
Good advice....

but...

what if you are struggling to want to stay safe?
if drugs and/or alcohol are the only relief you get from how you are feeling?
if you no longer care about being safe?
if you don't believe that you can get through it?
If talking just doesn't help anymore?

What then...?
 
calypso

calypso

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I understand Echo. When you don't want all that, this is when making a list of what you do want comes in. On one side, why not do it, on the other, why do it. Its about being strictly honest with yourself, not denying any idea that pops in. If talking to me, you might deny that a little hopeful thought came in because you might be afraid I wouldn't then take you seriously. But they do pop in.

Usually, the list on why do it is longer than the why not initially. So lets look at that list. For example, "I don't see any point in living". Opposite that I would say, does there have to be a point? When we are like this, that isn't a question that is vital to answer. Its a "big" question, like "life isn't worth living". But again, that isn't specific.

When I am like this (and yes I have known profound depressions), I have learned to do a chain analysis. What that means is, "I am in so much pain", needs to be clarified. What type of pain? When did this start? I have bored people on here with this example in the past. I was in a bargain shop looking for shoe racks. On finding them, I went towards the till and suddenly started crying and thinking that I wanted to die. Initially, I didn't relate it at all to the shoe racks, well you wouldn't, would you? But I stopped, looked at them, asked myself, what is it about these that triggered that?

This lead me to think, "R would really disapprove of me buying these and think them a waste of money". R was my husband who died 2 and 1/2 years ago. So I followed that thought to another about him making me racks, which I broke after he died. This lead me to thinking that I felt guilty that I hadn't missed him that day. That lead to me missing him overwhelmingly. That lead me to say to myself, "This is a little step in not being with him, doing something he would dislike".

Its not a perfect example, but a chain analysis is to take the thought, break it down into manageable chunks, little bite size pieces, and ask yourself questions. You remain in charge at all times. But try not to stay at the overall stage, the big statements.

Its a tough one to do and I can promise you, I don't manage it always at all! But I have learned that if I do it, it works often. In DBT (Dialectical Behavioural Therapy), there is another one I have used when in extremis. Its Radical Acceptance. Its radical because it says, OK I am suicidal, in agony, hopeless, darker than dark. I hate this, it hurts, I am alone etc. BUT I'll just accept, really, deeply accept that this is where I am now. No action, and as thoughts pop in and out (which they always do), notice them, but draw the mind back to OK I accept this is where I am. Believe it or not, all that energy you put into being stressed and depressed can let go, even if only briefly, and let a glimmer of other thoughts enter. But it requires more than just saying it.

I do know that often you just feel beyond help. Then just tell yourself that its OK to feel that way. No emotion is ever wrong, it just is. But talking does help, even if you don't know what to say, for me sometimes just crying down a phone is all I can do. Other times I can't do that. But I do always now say, if I'm certain, then there's no rush, so you can wait a little while. I can't ever hurt my family again like I did when I nearly died from an OD in 2012, and that stops me. I didn't know I was that loved till then.

Just my thoughts.
 
S

Stray

Guest
Good advice from the article and from Calypso, and completely agree echo, I feel similarly.
"I didn't know I was loved till then" is heartbreaking, but living not feeling loved and so lost in a nasty very lonely world is too. Trapped.
 
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