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Coping with people who think they know what is best for me.

M

maggiezee

Member
Joined
Aug 10, 2008
Messages
5
Today has been bad. Really the last week or so has been bad. I was freaking out because a friend who is important to me wasn't calling me back despite what I thought were several attempts to reach her. It seems she doesn't check home phone messages often, but it felt to me like she was ignoring me and that hurt.

Then my neighbor of over 20 years started to tell me how I should fix the mess on my back porch. I do have a mess there and I understand the potential problem of mice but why does she think she has the right to tell me how to deal with it. My perspective is that even though people don't understand my depression they sure know how I should fix it.

Put the two situations together and I am struggling to cope.

How have you dealt with people deciding they know what is best for you? it isn't always easy just to turn them off. I live alone and feel like I really have to fend for myself in a big world. :(
 
J

jamesdean

Guest
i'm sorry 2 hear that things r difficult 4 u u need support not people going on @ u take care jd
 
D

Dollit

Guest
It's hard when people try to take over but try to stand back a little. Your neighbour is probably more worried about mice than any mess you have and won't understand that it's hard to get motivated to clear up mess in the same way that we do.

As for friends not returning calls - once we've rung someone and left a message we can't hear it with their ears and make the decision whether it's important or not for them. A bit convoluted I know but what we say and what is heard is often two different things.

I meditate a lot and I take photos and put them on a website, the photos being totally absorbing and my big get out of jail free card.
 
M

Michael

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2007
Messages
2,365
Location
East Lancs
It's hard to be subjective at times.
The way we can communicate now we expect to be heard straight away, I don't know about you but there are times when I don't want phone calls so I don't answer or check messages, so its always me that ends up apologising to people I should have spoken to.
The same is with neighbours, many times I have listened to what they say and it has helped me, vice-versa has been the case as well, occasionally when my head is not working then I get upset in that I take it upon myself to read into the words things that were just not there.
Iv'e no resolution, in fact it is fair to say that I'm looking myself for it, so far the only thing that comes near to working is writing about how I feel and that (sometimes) helps to regain some perspective.

Best Wishes

Michael
 
M

maggiezee

Member
Joined
Aug 10, 2008
Messages
5
:tea:
Thank you all. Michael and Dollit, you hit the proverbial nail on the head. My neighbor is worried about the mice and my friend didn't listen to her messages. I too have put off listening to messages so I totally understood what happened when she explained. And I don't like the idea of mice either.

A friend from the past used to remind me "maggiezee, that is just your thinking". I do well when I remember that or am reminded of it as you have done. I, of course don't just read into their words but their non-verbal expressions, their pauses, their... Ohhh, maggiezee that truly is just your thinking!

The good news is that i have enough energy to get upset. And I have an appt today with my therapist who is a literal God-send whom I like to think of as God.calm or G.calm if you prefer. And I am listening to FolkAlley.com for great and endless folk music.

Lots of good news and thoughts from you. Thanks, all.
 
J

James Buchanan

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 25, 2008
Messages
52
I don't listen to people who think they know what's best for me, at best I pretend.
 
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