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Coping with depression

dunglen

dunglen

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Jan 31, 2008
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436
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Scotland
I have been struggling for over two years but was not keen to admit that I was depressed. My GP has been fantastic over this period and has never written depression on any sick lines - instead I have nervous debility.

My story is the same as many others and I know many people will relate to the journey I have taken that has resulted in getting to this low point.

Looking back it is possible to identify that my boss was a bully and over a 5 year period I gave away all my self esteem. Had it been a abusive partner that I was living with instead of someone I spend 8 - 10 hours per day with (in a working environment) people around me may have been advising me to get out but as no one really knew (including myself) what was going on behind closed doors I just kept trying harder and harder to do what ever my boss wanted to earn his approval.

The breaking point came suddenly when I was involved in a small car incident - my car hit some black ice and spun around - although I was not hurt I think the seat belt tightened around my stomach. Several days later I went to hospital as I was experiencing severe abdominal pain. Since early Jan 07 I have only had a few meetings with my boss and eventually resigned from there in sept 07.

Throughout the time I was off sick I was constantly told how useless I was, that my illness was not serious enough to justify being paid to stay at home, and that I was stealing from the company as I was taking wages but not making any contribution.
It took many months of taking abuse via telephone calls (i had to call work daily to explain how ill I was) before my GP suggested that i stop contacting work by phone and send emails instead.
Even wrting this down is painfull as I can still imagine hearing the abuse that I had taken over this time.

Although my GP asked me to complete a form to find out if I was depressed and my score was very high I would not accept taking her advice as I felt I deserved to feel bad as I had been taking wages and not going to work.
I decided to resign when my paid period of sick leave fininshed as I did not want to take statutory sick pay. Resigning did not make any difference really as I had not dealt with any of the bullying issues - rather I just ran away.
Then my mum died suddenly and now I just don't know why I am bothering to keep going.
Life is awful
 
D

Dollit

Guest
None of what has happened is your fault, remember that sweetheart, none of it. Your ex boss is a powerless, stupid, insecure little person and picked on you because you were an easy target and got easier. When you don't know that you can fight back it is impossible to do. The most important thing you can do is learn from the experience. The most important thing you've learned so far is that you can walk away from the job and you have done that, that's a good thing to do. Losing your mum is something that you couldn't have stopped. It's because it happened right on your other experience that you are feeling it all the more. Grieve for your mum and go through the process in it's own time. Don't give the nasty boss any more of your power. Today is the day you can start moving forward. You plug in to this forum anytime, we're dipping in an out all through the day and the evening, sometimes really late, and you will get an email when somebody replies to a thread you've started or replied to. You'll soon feel part of the gang, and what a gang we are! :hug: We also drink a lot of tea :tea:
 
Fedup

Fedup

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Dec 18, 2007
Messages
1,937
Hang in there dunglen :hug: , you have do a big positive by leaving the job . You owe them nothing.

Take your time and grieve over your mum , it doesn't matter how long it takes .

There is usually some one around on here if you need a chat .

Takecare now :hug:
 
dunglen

dunglen

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Joined
Jan 31, 2008
Messages
436
Location
Scotland
thanks for your replies - it is nice to know that people do care for others - just wish my life would get easier as I am finding it all (life) too much right now
 
sandybob

sandybob

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Jan 12, 2008
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558
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south east london
its all very raw at the moment but it really will get easier ..

you've taken a positive step by coming here
:hug:
 
dunglen

dunglen

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Scotland
how come you can be so sure that things get easier?

I have been in this black place for so long I cannot see any way out.

please help
 
A

Apotheosis

Guest
how come you can be so sure that things get easier?

I have been in this black place for so long I cannot see any way out.

please help
Given time, & the opportunity to heal, many difficult emotional & mental states do pass & ease, often greatly, with time.

I have also suffered allot with depression. My life overall is now good, but still I am prone to moments of blackness. I take solace in the fact that I know these states pass.

One time in hospital after a serious suicide attempt I was asked to fill in a feeling chart & write my mood down at 2 hourly intervals. I didn't do it, because I though that it was pointless & that I would never feel any different than I did. Often, especially earlier in my life I have been in severely mentally ill states in which I was convinced would not pass, & I saw no way out. As I have got older I realize that however bad things have appeared, they have at some stage improved.

Do you feel this bad all the time & at all times? Since you have been depressed has it been the same "black" feelings throughout, with no elevation of mood & no change at all?

As to what to do I have found certain things help. Allot of these things may seem obvious;
Spending time in enjoyable company & chatting with others about how I truly feel, even if it is about how bad I feel.
Doing some exercise, even if it is a walk through town or a swim, anything.
Eating as well as I can - fresh fruit & veg, comfort food, taking vitamin supplements - high doses of Omega 3 is apparently very good for elevating mood, as are other supplements & herbal remedies.
Finding things I enjoy doing & being good to myself. It can be as simple for me as having a relaxing bath, lying in bed, reading a good book, watching a good film, even sitting quietly & taking time out for myself. I enjoy tinkering with things, fixing old or broken things, doing things with my hands. I have done therapeutic work in a carpentry workshop which helped immensely. After one time of being psychosed & having been discharged from hospital I took up my childhood interest of making model aeroplanes. That is all I did at the time & it helped take my mind off things. It made me feel better. It doesn't have to be anything life changing or intense.
Some days when I feel like things are too much I'll put my feet up in front of the TV & drink coffee & smoke cigarettes. I avoid anything too stressful.

I have also found therapeutic, holistic & complementary medicine beneficial. I have had to varying degrees at one time or another, acupuncture, hopi ear candles, Indian head massage, aromatherapy, Reiki, Bowen, Homoeopathy, & others.

I have also found support groups a help, mind may have some in your area -

http://www.mind.org.uk/Mind+in+your+area/

- they also have some good info on their site.

I do find that doing something for someone else, however small, often seems to help me get out of myself. I try to listen to other peoples problems, I find it somewhat therapeutic, & it makes me feel less alone. I like DIY & I will often do simple jobs for family & friends, even putting a picture up or whatever, it gets me focused on something other than my own head; which if I am left alone with too long seems to be something of the problem.

The internet is a part of my support & I find it therapeutic, I enjoy finding stuff out which may help me on-line & for information, & chat on forums & via E-Mail. I like the anonymity of of it all.

I hope some of that may help, & I wish you all the best.
 
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sandybob

sandybob

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Jan 12, 2008
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558
Location
south east london
Dunglen

stay with us /// I think everyone here has been at that rock bottom place where you are now, thinking things are never gonna get better.


I suppose if you're at rock bottom , you can't get any lower unless you get a big old pneumatic drill .

trust me , i've been there, it feel hopeless, but it does ease up . You might need some help, it won't happen over night, but you'll get better

:hug:
 
ralph1

ralph1

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Joined
Jan 1, 2008
Messages
109
Location
plymouth,Devon
how come you can be so sure that things get easier?

I have been in this black place for so long I cannot see any way out.

please help
We have all been there Dunglen, so many still are. I was there for over 35yrs before I lost the black dog.(only last year was I able to slip his leash) Some times are worse than others and we can see no way out. But there is, and we have to find it, work at finding it, and don't give in. What you do need is support, so talk to your GP, get proffesional MH help, get MH support it is there, get it. find a drop in centre if you can, they will understand and help you, not only the staff but the members as well.

FIGHT, DON'T GIVE IN
Winston Churchill Didn't, WhyShould You
 
dunglen

dunglen

Well-known member
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Joined
Jan 31, 2008
Messages
436
Location
Scotland
hi
just wondering if there is a chat room where i can interact with others to get more advice about coping at this difficult time.

Anne
 
D

Dollit

Guest
We don't have a chat room yet Anne and I don't know whether one is in the planning or not but if you identify with someone and want to chat to them you can click on their name, click private message and talk off the public forum. Some of us have exchanged "real" email addresses this way and, whilst we still have the forum, we also have more personal friendships. The fact that you're here is actually doing you a lot of good. :hug:
 
dunglen

dunglen

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Jan 31, 2008
Messages
436
Location
Scotland
I am really struggling right now - thinking about how my family will be better off without me. Money worries over, mortgage paid and free from me.

Sorry to sound so bleak but this is how i feel right now

Anne
 
D

Dollit

Guest
Your family will not be better off without you and I'm sure they still want you around whether they're financially sound or not - we always love our families even when it's a bit of a strain. My dad was a bit of a strain at times for reasons I won't go into but I really want him to walk through the door on a cold day and stand by the fire/radiator and say, "It's treacherous out there". :hug:
 
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