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Coping with BPD and a marriage separation.

M

Mivvi

Member
Joined
Feb 3, 2021
Messages
10
Location
East Yorkshire
I’m not diagnosed with BPD and to be honest I’d never really heard of it until just a few days ago.
I have been struggling all my life with issues surrounding aggressive vocal outbursts,mood swings,trust in all relationships but especially my romantic relationships.
I have just very recently separated from my wife of 16 years.
We have 3 kids.
This last year has been awful.
I can’t go into all of the details as it would take pages.
But we finally separated because she just couldn’t handle my ups and downs and me kicking off for no apparent reason.
I have been struggling with the separation and this is why I went looking for an answer as to why I behave irrationally.
This is how I came across BPD.
I fit with 99% of the symptoms
Im looking for some advice on how to control my racing mind,I can’t get off thinking there is someone else involved,feel totally abandoned and this morning I’m having a full on episode heart racing,shaking out of control.
I‘m worried about the future
and how I’m going to cope being back on my own,especially once I have my own place and the kids are coming and going.
Has anyone been through this scenario that can shed some light on coping.
I have to admit I’m scared.
 
MoonShapedPool

MoonShapedPool

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Lancashire
Hey 👋
My ex has BPD & you sound so much like him.

He never knew he had it until I suspected & gave him
the links I used to research it (Quora forums are fantastic

for BPD help)
The funny thing is,& I know a few people with BPD,
they usually only have these attacks you are describing
when they are say,starting out in a new relationship.

When they are feeling they have to open their hearts
& emotions.Then they get scared & start the push/pull.
Others with BPD will help more than me but,I do know
what you are going through,as he did too & it mentally affected him.
He has to remain single,or get help,as he refuses to get "fixed"
I hope you don`t let this rule you & research it & talk to a Mental
health team too,& your GP,definately needs to know.
You can get "fixed"
CBT/DBT Therapy/Meds.
There is light at the end of the tunnel & you
are certainly not alone 🌈

What should be done to help people with borderline personality disorder? - Quora
 
M

Mivvi

Member
Joined
Feb 3, 2021
Messages
10
Location
East Yorkshire
Hey 👋
My ex has BPD & you sound so much like him.

He never knew he had it until I suspected & gave him
the links I used to research it (Quora forums are fantastic

for BPD help)
The funny thing is,& I know a few people with BPD,
they usually only have these attacks you are describing
when they are say,starting out in a new relationship.

When they are feeling they have to open their hearts
& emotions.Then they get scared & start the push/pull.
Others with BPD will help more than me but,I do know
what you are going through,as he did too & it mentally affected him.
He has to remain single,or get help,as he refuses to get "fixed"
I hope you don`t let this rule you & research it & talk to a Mental
health team too,& your GP,definately needs to know.
You can get "fixed"
CBT/DBT Therapy/Meds.
There is light at the end of the tunnel & you
are certainly not alone 🌈

What should be done to help people with borderline personality disorder? - Quora
Thank you so much for those words.
My problem is I have waited till it’s too late to sort out a fix and save my marriage.
Always denying there was anything wrong with me.
Again many thanks
 
MoonShapedPool

MoonShapedPool

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Messages
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Lancashire
Listen,you know what`s wrong with you now Miv,
you can look on Quora etc & be armed with the tools
to cope with it.The Partner must research it too.
My friend has bad BPD/PTSD but it`s his Mrs,that keeps
him stable - cos she understands it & why he behaves the way
he does sometimes.
Even if your marriage is over...if you learn about it/get help with
it..you won`t have to be alone forever,like my poor ex.
One day you may be ready to move on,but all your relationships
will be/may be destructive unless you get steady.
Make sense?
You do not have to give up just
because
your brain says you are going to be Abandoned.
I really hope you talk to your GP,at least.

You need to try & lift your mood up,then you can
be strong & fight it.
 
MoonShapedPool

MoonShapedPool

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P.S I think you are suffering with Anxiety now too (I have GAD)
So you need to sort it before it starts affecting other things
in your life 🙏
 
M

Mivvi

Member
Joined
Feb 3, 2021
Messages
10
Location
East Yorkshire
Listen,you know what`s wrong with you now Miv,
you can look on Quora etc & be armed with the tools
to cope with it.The Partner must research it too.
My friend has bad BPD/PTSD but it`s his Mrs,that keeps
him stable - cos she understands it & why he behaves the way
he does sometimes.
Even if your marriage is over...if you learn about it/get help with
it..you won`t have to be alone forever,like my poor ex.
One day you may be ready to move on,but all your relationships
will be/may be destructive unless you get steady.
Make sense?
You do not have to give up just
because
your brain says you are going to be Abandoned.
I really hope you talk to your GP,at least.

You need to try & lift your mood up,then you can
be strong & fight it.
Absolutely I know this won’t be easy but to honest I know I have the strength of character I gave up alcohol 10years ago
And haven’t looked back.
Thank you for the kind words I need them at the moment.
 
MoonShapedPool

MoonShapedPool

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Messages
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Location
Lancashire
6 Months sober on Saturday me!! 😊
10 years wowza!!!Good luck,hope you find ome peace Mivvi 💜
 
M

Mivvi

Member
Joined
Feb 3, 2021
Messages
10
Location
East Yorkshire
P.S I think you are suffering with Anxiety now too (I have GAD)
So you need to sort it before it starts affecting other things
in your life 🙏
I had already contacted the local health
authority for help concerning anxiety and anger management,Also depression surrounding my Fibromyalgia only diagnosed two years ago after struggling for 25 years
So already booked in for CBT.
Have made an appointment to talk to my
doctor about this.
6 Months sober on Saturday me!! 😊
10 years wowza!!!Good luck,hope you find ome peace Mivvi 💜
Well Done you’ve made it through the hardest part.
Once you get further down the line you will feel incredibly proud of your sobriety and that becomes what stops you going back.
I was bad for about 10 years following the end of my first serious relationship I was still drinking until my eldest was 3.
My present ex gave me an ultimatum I had no choice we would have separated then.
Just stay away from the drinks aisle and then there is no temptation.
I actually look back now and wish I’d never started.
Take care and Good Luck👍
 
MoonShapedPool

MoonShapedPool

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Messages
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Ahh but,the Tropical fizzy pops always down
the booze aisle 😂 🙈
Naw,seeing it doesn`t bother me,Thankfully,cos of Lockdown I haven`t
been around anyone drinking (Even Xmas) so not many triggers.
Some days I think why am I bothering?
I know why I am though 😞 😊
I don`t feel much yet,not even that proud of myself,
but I know my brain is playing tricks on me.
Thank for you kind words & GL too! 🤘 🌈
 
M

Mivvi

Member
Joined
Feb 3, 2021
Messages
10
Location
East Yorkshire
Allow yourself to be proud
6 months especially with the way the world is at the moment is not to be sniffed at.
That’s an amazing achievement and if not drinking helps with your GAD then you are on a winner.
Keep it up your winning 😎👌
 
MoonShapedPool

MoonShapedPool

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Messages
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Location
Lancashire
Allow yourself to be proud
6 months especially with the way the world is at the moment is not to be sniffed at.
That’s an amazing achievement and if not drinking helps with your GAD then you are on a winner.
Keep it up your winning 😎👌
Aww how lovely of you to say!!
It is nice hearing it 😊 Pings a little happy ping in my brain 😂
I will not drink again 🙂 I have been through 2 Lockdowns,Xmas,New Yrs Eve,

My Birthday, Grief & a ton of other hassles 🙄
So if I can go through all that & not relapse,I think
I`m on the right Road! 🙏
Thanks alot,helps to meet other people that "know" 🌈
 
D

Debaura500

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Nov 10, 2020
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We all have been 3 loçkdowns!
 
M

Mivvi

Member
Joined
Feb 3, 2021
Messages
10
Location
East Yorkshire
Aww how lovely of you to say!!
It is nice hearing it 😊 Pings a little happy ping in my brain 😂
I will not drink again 🙂 I have been through 2 Lockdowns,Xmas,New Yrs Eve,

My Birthday, Grief & a ton of other hassles 🙄
So if I can go through all that & not relapse,I think
I`m on the right Road! 🙏
Thanks alot,helps to meet other people that "know" 🌈
Yeah...you got it nailed 😎👌
 
B

Bigfoot

Member
Joined
Jan 31, 2021
Messages
20
Location
San Luis Obispo
Your symptoms are consistent with a few different personality disorders. For example, you mentioned that you had trust issues. You could look at PPD and look down the list of symptoms and probably identify with many of them. The problem with mental illness is it's counter intuitive; cognitive distortions make accurate perceptions difficult sometimes. In my experience, the symptoms are always analagous to the event that caused it.
 
M

Mivvi

Member
Joined
Feb 3, 2021
Messages
10
Location
East Yorkshire
Your symptoms are consistent with a few different personality disorders. For example, you mentioned that you had trust issues. You could look at PPD and look down the list of symptoms and probably identify with many of them. The problem with mental illness is it's counter intuitive; cognitive distortions make accurate perceptions difficult sometimes. In my experience, the symptoms are always analagous to the event that caused it.
[/
Your symptoms are consistent with a few different personality disorders. For example, you mentioned that you had trust issues. You could look at PPD and look down the list of symptoms and probably identify with many of them. The problem with mental illness is it's counter intuitive; cognitive distortions make accurate perceptions difficult sometimes. In my experience, the symptoms are always analagous to the event that caused it.
Yes you’re right looking through I can actually see some traits from PPD would fit with my behaviour in the past.
Thanks for pointing that out to me.
 
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