Coping strategies

L

Lola_97

New member
Joined
Jun 10, 2018
Messages
1
#1
hello I’m new to this so I don’t really know how this goes but i’ll Give it a go, I am 20 years old I have so much issues that I feel like I can’t talk about with anyone I’m too afraid to tell how I’m feeling because when I do it’s like I’m constantly apologising to people for everything that’s wrong with me. I have a very particular way of doing things in my house, I live with my girlfriend and I do love her but I can feel myself becoming very down and almost lonely because I like things to be a certain way which I constantly have to apologise for, I’m paranoid, I’m restless, I can be very moody and I always think the worst in every situation. I have talked to my doctor a while back and she said it was all down to my childhood I grew up with a loving family I thought at the time but the older I get the more I remember it was wasn’t a happy environment, my dad was always working, my sister was always in hospital due to health conditions, my mum would go out and drink for days on end and I would be left to look after the kids. I grew up looking after my two younger sisters and little brother who I absolutely adore but can’t help but feel like a mother to them rather than a sister, I would have to make their lunches for school, put them to bed, get them to school all whilst I was just 12 years old myself. I feel like I never had anyone looking after me, last year I decided I had enough and moved out which made me very distant from them I would feel anxious anytime I had to go to family gatherings or birthday parties I had to put a smile on and act as if our family was perfect but inside it was like I was being punched a million times over and over, recently my mum was diagnosed with cancer and at the minute we aren’t sure if she can have treatment when I found this out everything I was afraid of when I was young came back, I feel so selfish for this and it’s making me not want to get out of bed, not wanting to eat because I feel so anxious, I’m skipping work. But I don’t feel anything towards my mum expect resentment I’m avoiding her because I’m afraid if she dies that I will have to be a mum to those kids again, I feel awful for having these feelings because I know she’s my mum and in some way I do love her but I just don’t know if it’s enough. I don’t know how to deal with these feelings my partner is helpful and telling me I don’t have to be a mother to these kids but if I don’t who else will? Im feeling so depressed but i don’t know what to do about it.

Can anyone give me some coping strategies or advice?
 
Cazcat

Cazcat

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Sep 12, 2013
Messages
2,421
#3
Hi and welcome to the forum,

Have you got any professional support? Your GP is a good starting point and counselling may be useful too. In some areas you can self refer to IAPT (Improving Access to Psychological Therapies) too which may be useful.

I think that most of us reach a point where we realise that our parents are not perfect even if our childhoods have been relatively trouble free and this can be quite difficult. My child hood was not bad at all really, but I still had some issues in my early 20s relating to it and found counceĺing really helpful. I also found a book called "They F@*# you up" helped me work through the feelings I was having towards my parents.
 
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