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Coparenting with BPD - Supervised, Legal and Therapies delemma

S

sleepless1

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Jan 12, 2021
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First let me say that I am glad this forum is available. I will start by saying that I have children with a bpd/aspd and cptsd woman depending on who you ask and when. The reality is she is bpd and very much so. 12 years ago, I was faced with a false felony assault charge, and a future that had my twin children raised by someone I believe had a mental illness. I recorded every conversation and with some luck, the false accusations and illness was revealed within the court system as both criminal and custody cases were simultaneous. I have had 10 years of somewhat respite with only some threats and contempt charges in the courts. The mother in this case has a long history in the system dating back to her teenage years. This captivating person and I conceived twin boys. I had no idea what I was going to face in the near future. Without a doubt, the most testing and trying experience in my life. Court ordered psychotherapy for a minimum of one year and supervised visitation which occurred erratically for the first five years. She has tried to change venue, contempt, modification...etc with no results as her reality is distorted or false. The twins are now just teenagers and I am faced with impending legal actions again. The biggest problem here is that she is not willing to allow counseling records to be viewed, claiming HIPPA, which is a privacy act for records, as an excuse. I believe the 10 years of counseling she has received is for an alternate reality, as it appears she has not provided her counselors with the court required collateral documents. These are In depth Psych Evaluations and two family evaluations. This data reflects a true history of her life and experiences with alternate perceptions and many dishonesties along the way. The recent communication I have had with her indicated to me there has been no progress towards recovery. Her counselor letters to the court indicate a complete recovery from PTSD. Again, the problem here is she is being treated for something that is not real. She is the constant victim and survivor of her unfair circumstances. There is also a very real possibility of Munchhausen with this person as she has a myriad of life altering illnesses and some history of medications such as digitalis which were apparently used during DBT treatments and it was suspected were used for psychological reasons after testing in an emergency hospital visit.
Sorry to ramble here. The question I am trying to ask is... It is anticipated that she will enter a courtroom with several (3-5) summary letters of her treatments and recovery from ptsd. One of which was just this last week from a psychologist. Again, the problem is that she has the ability to fool or pass any test (some psychologists have found this concerning and suspicious) Regardless, I do not believe she can verify any reasonable amount of therapy with the court ordered supplied background information. In effect, she has not progressed in any way and her current distortions confirm this.
I have a meeting with her family in a couple days. Of course they are advocates for her and rightfully so. The problem is, it is not about her or me. It is about these two children and I am trying to figure out a way of convincing them that there is still a concern for problematic behavior. I am trying to get them to participate in her treatment and recovery. I am trying to get everything organized.
In a perfect world... I would force her to receive the therapy which was ordered by the court over ten years ago and provide these thirteen year olds, the education regarding their mother and her illness they need to survive it. She wants to begin supervised visitation again, she wants to modify the parenting plan, and also file for contempt as I have just recently reneged on her renewed interest in visitation after 5 years of none, until she can verify she is complying with the court ordered counseling. She has done everything but that in an attempt to subvert what she is unable to do..... Any help or input would be a blessing.
 
PetitPois

PetitPois

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Hi @sleepless1 There isn't anything I can offer to help, but wanted to say hello and that I really sympathise with what you are going through right now :hug:

So it sounds like a lot more than borderline personality disorder is going on with your ex. I have BPD and I would certainly not do a lot of what you have mentioned above. So I think it comes from her having multiple mental health issues, or perhaps her core personality itself.

It is sad she isn't engaging with support properly. Especially with children involved. I found some of my previous therapy helpful. I also work very hard to keep my illness under control. Unfortunately this doesn't look likely with your ex right now.

Talking with her family looks like your best hope. I really hope you can get them to approach the situation from the point of view of what is best for the children.

You are doing an impressive job trying to deal with all of this. Good luck, please let us know how it goes. As I said I can't offer anything helpful to you. But if you want to talk about it more, I will be here :)
 
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