• Hi. It’s great to see you. Welcome!

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life. Amongst our membership there is a wealth of expertise that has been developed through having to deal with mental health issues.

    We are an actively moderated forum with a team of experienced moderators. We also have a specialist safety team that works extra hard to keep the forum safe for visitors and members.

    Register now to access many more features and forums!

Convinced My Friends Hate Me...

G

Griff

Member
Joined
Jan 22, 2019
Messages
22
Location
Cardiff
I've known my group of friends for 4 years (We all went through Uni together) and despite sharing some great memories and experiences with them, throughout the entire time I have known them, I have never been able to fully shake off the feeling that they only want to hang out with me out of pity and that I am a burden on our relationships.

Whenever I am around them, I tend to be quite quiet and reserved because I'm sometimes scared to make a fool of myself. They tend to jokingly rip into each other which I know is harmless, but there is a part of me that would be inclined to take it personally and to heart, hence why I sometimes remove myself from such conversations. But because of this, I sometimes struggle to get involved in ANY conversation which thus makes me feel like an outsider; a mere observer of these conversations in which I feel like I am being ignored or that they pretend that I'm not there because they don't want to deal with me. Even when it's me and one of them alone in the same room, I struggle to strike up a conversation and to make the first move which then makes me think that that they think I hate them which is not true.

I have told them on two occasions about my anxious feelings and yet I can't help but convince myself that they don't care about me and that they never have. It's gotten to the point where I find myself considering to never see or talk to them again because I don't want to get in their way and be a burden on them anymore as I convince myself their lives will be just fine without me. I don't want to ruin these relationships, I want to have these people in my life and I want to be a friend to them but I can't help but think that with my current line of thinking, those friendships will be gone and I will never be able to forgive myself for it.

As soon as I start to believe these thoughts, I feel lonely and depressed and it's reached a point where I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I've only gone into broad detail into how I feel and I hope that it makes sense. If you've taken the time to read through this, then thank you so much. But either way, I'm just glad I've taken the time to get these thoughts down,
 
I

indigo6

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 30, 2019
Messages
1,409
Location
UK
Hello Griff
Its very sad to read how youre feeling and familiar. I would say many on here including me have and been the same if that helps to know. Theres elements of your post that most people can relate to regardless of whether they have SA.
Confidence and self esteem are like things just too high on a shelf that you really could do with a dose of, though I dont know what, if any other issues may be under this.
Do you or have you seen your GP? :hug:
 
arodi007

arodi007

Member
Joined
Nov 13, 2019
Messages
18
Location
Mauritius
hi, griff
me too i can relate to what happen to you, i struggle a lot to enter a conversation with group of friend of like 5 person and they often say 'you re not saying a single word' but they were very nice to me so i wasnt taking it badly in university, until i start to work where my SA started ;v

i cant really give any advice because am still struggling at talking to a group but what i can say is, it easier for me to talk when the person/small group is very friendly or know how u are.
And also when u are alone with someone else close friend, u could just say something about your passion/something that recently affect u. i know it very hard, but it become easier after at least for me with 1 to 1.

i had to prepare a short story just in case i be alone with a friend for breakfast or whatever everyday, i really dont know how other normal people do :(
 
G

Griff

Member
Joined
Jan 22, 2019
Messages
22
Location
Cardiff
hi, griff
me too i can relate to what happen to you, i struggle a lot to enter a conversation with group of friend of like 5 person and they often say 'you re not saying a single word' but they were very nice to me so i wasnt taking it badly in university, until i start to work where my SA started ;v

i cant really give any advice because am still struggling at talking to a group but what i can say is, it easier for me to talk when the person/small group is very friendly or know how u are.
And also when u are alone with someone else close friend, u could just say something about your passion/something that recently affect u. i know it very hard, but it become easier after at least for me with 1 to 1.

i had to prepare a short story just in case i be alone with a friend for breakfast or whatever everyday, i really dont know how other normal people do :(
Thanks for replying, arodi007.
Much like when people comment on the fact you're not saying much, my friends have openly referred to me as the 'quiet one' and that I'm a bit shy when they don't exactly know why I'm the 'quiet one'. It's because my anxiety literally zips my mouth shut! I never took it personally but it does make over-think and reflect on why they perceive me the way they do. I guess like yourself, I need to come up with ways I can cope in a group or 1-on-1 conversation.
 
G

Griff

Member
Joined
Jan 22, 2019
Messages
22
Location
Cardiff
Hello Griff
Its very sad to read how youre feeling and familiar. I would say many on here including me have and been the same if that helps to know. Theres elements of your post that most people can relate to regardless of whether they have SA.
Confidence and self esteem are like things just too high on a shelf that you really could do with a dose of, though I dont know what, if any other issues may be under this.
Do you or have you seen your GP? :hug:
Thanks for replying, indigo6.
It does comfort me a bit knowing I'm not the only one who experiences these feelings and I could honestly do with some confidence and self-esteem right now! They are things that I don't have a high abundance of and I guess I never had such an abundance...

I saw my GP in February (or around that time) because I was struggling with bouts of low mood and with unwanted thoughts but that support never went beyond a telephone assessment. I've always been apprehensive seeking professional support/help because I'm scared they won't take me seriously and that they'll say nothing is 'wrong' with you. For some time, with some research, I've had a feeling as to why I feel/behave the way I do but I've never thought of seeking out to reaffirm that feeling for the reason I've just mentioned. I guess this is what happens when you're too analytical and critical for your own good...
 
arodi007

arodi007

Member
Joined
Nov 13, 2019
Messages
18
Location
Mauritius
for me it was manageable at uni but at work, everyday was a survival for me, u keep getting lectured on what u need to change, 'being too quiet/shy/voice low' i tried to use their advice, but it was just getting worse, i mean how i was feeling.

I say u can start to converse with family first, family usually dont judge you like other people do.
 
I

indigo6

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 30, 2019
Messages
1,409
Location
UK
But Griff youre entitled to help. I suggest you make an appointment for your low mood (dont have to explain everything to receptionist) when you see GP also explain your worries when around people. I have had very good support and intervention but it might be my region, Im north west.
Dont be shy about it.
Theres no easy road for this, at least if you get some therapy it might tackle it a bit. CBT( I go on about it alot) was very helpful, the therapist was outstanding though. Ive had other helpful therapies too. Mostly learn not to be too hard on yourself. Dont think too much about your friends reactions. No one ever knows how another person really feels. Be kind to yourself.
 
G

Griff

Member
Joined
Jan 22, 2019
Messages
22
Location
Cardiff
for me it was manageable at uni but at work, everyday was a survival for me, u keep getting lectured on what u need to change, 'being too quiet/shy/voice low' i tried to use their advice, but it was just getting worse, i mean how i was feeling.

I say u can start to converse with family first, family usually dont judge you like other people do.
I've been telling my twin brother (we're really close) about how I've been feeling recently so I'll try and keep an open dialogue with him. And I can understand that it can be frustrating to hear people to tell you to 'speak up' when they may not fully understand why you're reserved in the first place.
 
G

Griff

Member
Joined
Jan 22, 2019
Messages
22
Location
Cardiff
But Griff youre entitled to help. I suggest you make an appointment for your low mood (dont have to explain everything to receptionist) when you see GP also explain your worries when around people. I have had very good support and intervention but it might be my region, Im north west.
Dont be shy about it.
Theres no easy road for this, at least if you get some therapy it might tackle it a bit. CBT( I go on about it alot) was very helpful, the therapist was outstanding though. Ive had other helpful therapies too. Mostly learn not to be too hard on yourself. Dont think too much about your friends reactions. No one ever knows how another person really feels. Be kind to yourself.
Thank you for your advice, I honestly appreciate it. I think that would help for sure. I suppose I need to muster up the courage to go through what I essentially went through almost a year ago. It was difficult then, I don't think it would be all that easier now but deep down, I know I can do it. I just need the courage to take that first step.
 
qwynie Rose

qwynie Rose

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 3, 2019
Messages
220
Location
Scotland
Hi Griff, I struggle with these feelings as well. It takes a lot to remember all you need to remember about friends. Most people do not have the energy or inclination to spent lots of energy pretending to be someones friend just because they feel sorry for them. If they are spending time with you, it's because they WANT to.

Also true friends will accept you regardless of your struggles. If they don't they're not a true friend and you need to move on. True people DO exist and realise we are all different and NO-ONE is perfect.

Sorry if this doesn't help, I just wanted you to know you're not the only one who struggles with this. I hope you feel able to talk to a doctor or someone to help you have the life and happiness you deserve.

Peace and Love to you. xx
 
G

Griff

Member
Joined
Jan 22, 2019
Messages
22
Location
Cardiff
Hi Griff, I struggle with these feelings as well. It takes a lot to remember all you need to remember about friends. Most people do not have the energy or inclination to spent lots of energy pretending to be someones friend just because they feel sorry for them. If they are spending time with you, it's because they WANT to.

Also true friends will accept you regardless of your struggles. If they don't they're not a true friend and you need to move on. True people DO exist and realise we are all different and NO-ONE is perfect.

Sorry if this doesn't help, I just wanted you to know you're not the only one who struggles with this. I hope you feel able to talk to a doctor or someone to help you have the life and happiness you deserve.

Peace and Love to you. xx
I guess that really puts it into perspective. Because I tend to over-think almost anything and everything, I struggle to put things into the same perspective that you have just done. Thank you, I honestly appreciate it.

Peace and love to you as well.
 
8

8888

New member
Joined
Dec 19, 2019
Messages
2
Location
Uk
I can’t offer you any advice I’m afraid but I really feel your pain. I’m the ‘quiet one’ at work and in all new social situations. It’s strange because with some certain people I join in and laugh and joke but with others I cannot seem to find ANY words at all so just sit there!!!

I just can’t see how I’m ever going to get through it. I’ve tried all sorts. I’m thinking of looking in to hypnosis to see if that does anything! But god knows where to go for that. I’ve been this way since high school and I don’t know if anything triggered it.

I wish you all the best, I hope we both find a way to because relaxed chatty people! Doesn’t even have to be chatty just people who contribute to group conversation!
 
G

Griff

Member
Joined
Jan 22, 2019
Messages
22
Location
Cardiff
I can’t offer you any advice I’m afraid but I really feel your pain. I’m the ‘quiet one’ at work and in all new social situations. It’s strange because with some certain people I join in and laugh and joke but with others I cannot seem to find ANY words at all so just sit there!!!

I just can’t see how I’m ever going to get through it. I’ve tried all sorts. I’m thinking of looking in to hypnosis to see if that does anything! But god knows where to go for that. I’ve been this way since high school and I don’t know if anything triggered it.

I wish you all the best, I hope we both find a way to because relaxed chatty people! Doesn’t even have to be chatty just people who contribute to group conversation!
If you do decide to pursue hypnosis, then best of luck to you! And I think you hit the nail on the head, we don't want to be a an overly 'chatty' person but we want to be able to comfortably contribute to a group conversation with some sort of ease, regardless of who that group/person is.

And thank you for sharing your experiences!
 
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
G Social Anxiety Forum 5
P Social Anxiety Forum 5
L Social Anxiety Forum 248
A Social Anxiety Forum 8
P Social Anxiety Forum 4
Top