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Convinced Again that I Have Bipolar or Bipolar 2

AnxiousE

AnxiousE

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I've posted in this section before, only to be convinced that I didn't have this...that it's some sort of atypical depression (or well, convinced by a mix of here and another community) However, I came across this site (linked below) just coming out of one (or even still in one and/or mixed) of my "manic" or "hypo" states, and I can tick off more boxes here now.

Look! I put an asterick (*) by the ones I felt I exhibited, or rather, exhibited most. I don't have much opportunity to speak or speak freely so I can't judge that, and my self-esteem is definitely higher than other times, but not sure if it's high high. And I seem to recall describing myself as easily distracted, but I can't remember it clearly right now.

And obviously, I relate to all of the criteria for depressive episodes.


(must have 3)
high self-esteem
*little need for sleep
increased rate of speech (talking fast)
*flight of ideas
getting easily distracted
*an increased interest in goals or activities
*psychomotor agitation (pacing, hand wringing, etc.)
*increased pursuit of activities with a high risk of danger

(must have 4)
*changes in appetite or weight, sleep, or psychomotor activity
*decreased energy
*feelings of worthlessness or guilt
*trouble thinking, concentrating, or making decisions
*thoughts of death or suicidal plans or attempts

Diagnosis Guide for Bipolar Disorder
 
Zero One

Zero One

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I suspected I was bipolar long before I was diagnosed Bipolar I. See what your doctor says. Then you can hop off the Bipolar Express with us 😋
 
Zero One

Zero One

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the bi polar express .. love it
Me too💕 I first heard it from a guy when this lady was having a really bad attitude and acting manic. She said or did something while walking by him quickly and he said, "Well look who just hopped off the Bipolar Express " 😂 hahaa
 
AnxiousE

AnxiousE

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Have you been to see your gp/ psychiatrist about this
I messaged my doctor about this. I think he's on vacation now though, so I haven't heard back. Well, ill check again today. I didn't send him all of this yet though, so I do need to follow up. I'm still not sure it changes much though, because I've tried antipsychotics before and that just left me feeling depressed ALL the time. :( Plus, I gained weight, and that didn't help matters either. :( :(

So, like, I mean, last time I went to him questioning my symptoms, he was convinced I was just feeling happy (I was more euphoric than mixed, I guess)...and since then, he actually increased my antidepressants because of my anxiety or rather, my like obsessing complaints. That fixed my mood more, but did nothing for what it was intended. So... I suspect the most he'd do would be decrease ADs. And that is only IF he thinks I have a problem. I also don't know for sure...i mean, I've definitely had these mood issues even before any meds (antidepressants), but right now, I guess my lifestyle is such that I don't get into too much trouble. I don't drink, don't gamble, have to account for spending with my husband...i don't even drive now for awhile, but he or someone is always with me, so I can't go to crazy (although he once commented on my speed. I dunno! It wasnt excessive, just a tad higher than he'd want ME to go, but he'd probably do it, so I dunno. :doh: ). Oh, and I don't have careless sex either, but that's because I'm bound to him. I guess I have to admit I have had thoughts though...even then, I don't usually let it get carried away or do anything, although in these episodes...

I dunno though. Like I said, I don't want to go back to constant depression though, and I don't want the weight gain as I get shit for that. "Oh no! Are you not healthy anymore! Your clothes don't fit? Oh sad! You need to walk more And eat less!" Grrr!

I guess, at the very least, I just want to be accepted and be supported in my struggles. I don't know what more can be done though...

Oh! That's where I was going with the treatment thing!... (shit! I just got distracted again! :( )...

Oh ok. So, my only concern is that if I let the high stay, then the depression might be worse, and maybe that's why the antipsychotics didn't work before (??) Then again, I've heard at LEAST one story, someone else with bipolar I chat with , who's constantly in depression because of the meds. :(

So like, you know, I may be wild and I may get down...but at least I'm alive! (??) :/ I'm sorry, folks, I'm just really struggling with the idea of suppressing any happiness, because Damn it, I've been depressed for too much of my life, and I need to be a productive member of society...or at least my home. Ya know?

:cry2:
 
AnxiousE

AnxiousE

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Omg! I did not realize that got THAT long! ^ :cry2:
 
AnxiousE

AnxiousE

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Forgot I had this thread. Well, doc wants to put me on a low dose of Vraylar...
But I really don't want to and I don't think I'm gonna!
(But I'm a bit emotional and frustrated right now, so that's not definite...but I also can't realistically see it as a positive thing. Man am I upset and frustrated I have no one irl to really trust anymore! :'( )
 
Zero One

Zero One

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NVM I looked it up
VRAYLAR is approved in adults to treat bipolar depression and for the short-term treatment of manic or mixed episodes that happen with bipolar I disorder. While anyone can develop bipolar I, it often starts in the late teen or early adult years and lasts a lifetime.
 
AnxiousE

AnxiousE

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NVM I looked it up
Sorry that I haven't been on as much lately. I was meaning to start up a new journal just on this topic, but it's late right now :)
 
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