control

R

rain and roses

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Jan 1, 2011
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Scotland
#1
i think a lot of things i do including cutting is all about control and making myself feel like pain is less, and making me feel safe and in charge. i really think that being in control is huge for me and just wondering if anyone else related a lot of what they do including SH to feeling in control?
 
Angels

Angels

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May 29, 2010
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Oblivion
#2
No, i do it spontaniously. just out of the blue randomly, most of the time when i feel perfectly fine. i dont understand it, usually i can keep the urge under controll. however latley ive ended up with a rather nasty wound :S
 
R

rain and roses

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#3
i dont ever do it when i feel fine, i do it mostly if i'm feeling distressed and not in control of myself. i really struggle to keep it under control because i always feel like i need to when i'm in a bad state. it kind of makes me feel in charge of my body and myself
 
R

rain and roses

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Jan 1, 2011
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Scotland
#5
i never do it if i feel ok or happy. its only to relese distress and it makes me feel less like i am going to do something worse. it makes me feel less unstable but i worry though that i'm not going to be able stop myself doing it, i worry that its the only thing that stops me doing something worse, and helps release the pain. i'm scared i wont be able to stop
 
C

checking-it-twice

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Apr 6, 2011
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#8
I used to cut partly because it gave me control over something in my life.
And I wouldn't be surprised if that control thing is also linked to my occasional OCD behaviour.
 
gazza

gazza

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Dec 30, 2010
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England
#9
I don't self harm any more but use to up until a few years ago. I needed to release build up in my head. I had kept my mental health problems to myself and whenever i tried to communicate them to people I would be met with things like "what have you got to feel sad about" and bla bla. So kept it internal but would reach a point of near explosion. Kind of like taking a kettle that has boiled all of the water away and suddenly taking it from the gas and throwing it in to a sink of cold water.

I met a girl who would self harm and i guess she found me to be very understanding about it and i showed her my arms. I told her that i never cover them as they are the scars of my mind, battle scars and they make me who i am.

When a friend noticed them once they were really shocked but as i was so use to them as it was just something that wasn't alien to me i didn't care.

When i meet someone with scars it feels like we have something in common before we've even said a word to each other, although everyone's scars tell their own personal story.

I'm in a place where i don't feel the urge at the moment but have been suicidal at times, which is a bit odd.

A big thanks to this site for being so understanding and warm and sincere, it really has helped me at times i've been low :)
 
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Niniane

Niniane

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Sep 27, 2010
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449
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France
#10
I do self-harm to control myself and my emotions. It gets me back on a "normal" mood.
It's also one of the few things that I have some sort of control on, but it's starting to control me more than the opposite.
 
greebobeebo

greebobeebo

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Aug 3, 2009
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991
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north norfolk
#11
For me SH is a way of releasing frustration. I have cut once before just to make sure I could still feel. Its also a control thing, when i am on that slippery slope and hate it, its a way of bringing me back to where I should be. On wednesday this week I had reached my lowest low for months, everything was too much to cope with, so when #1 son chose to be a pain I HAD to SH.