- Jan 19, 2015
Im 18 years old and im in high school currently. I am living a very good life according to what most people would say but for some reason I just feel really down. It feels like its been forever that i've felt like this and any small high I get is immediately followed by a hard crashing down. I don't even remember a time that I was really happy with my life. But I don't understand it, why do I always come home feeling like shit, feeling unwanted, feeling like in the end im all alone. This might sound a bit shallow and whatnot but I am what you would call "popular". I have a large social circle and I have friends in various different cliques. I get along with everyone and get told that I am a very likable guy. People tell me that i'm one of the funniest people they have ever met. I am able to get girls when I want I get told that i'm handsome and all that. I have a good family life and my grades are decent too, so I have no idea what has been dragging me down for so long. One of my closest friends who is a girl is going through so much shit and I love her and she loves me too, but her emotional problems are killing me, it feels as if it her problems are worse for me than for her. She hates the fact that she's into a guy who she doesn't wanna be into as he is a complete idiot, and a desperate asshole. He keeps on asking her to date when she doesn't want to and everytime he does it, it breaks her completely. But as much as it hurts her I dont know why but it kills me more than it affects her when she goes through all this shit. I get that I should feel bad, but even though she's the most amazing person her being into that guy and her problems are just making me depressed. It's like shes the best and worst thing thats ever happened to me and its just so fucked up. I can't blame her for this, for how I feel, or for anything cause I've been so bad to her so many times but she's always stuck by me. But I always feels as if the time I really feel at my lowest is when it has to do something with her. I just feel hopeless at time and I dont even know what im saying or doing. I dont know what to do, we were planning to go to college together and everything, she completely reciprocates every emotion I feel but somehow I just feel so empty. She's the only thing that I can pint point for me feeling empty, depressed, and alone , but how can it be here when she's the best thing that's happened in my life? I dont even know if i make any sense at all right now, i just feel like im finally letting out everything thats been on my mind lately.