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Constantly terrified, am i the only one?

C

countrygirl000

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Mar 23, 2015
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I was diagnosed with Anxiety about 4 years ago and my life changed in pretty big way. Most of the time I can control it and ward off any panic attacks, but now, I cant. Because I'm terrified. My face flushes red, I get a tingly feeling all over my body, It feels like a burning fire I my chest, I begin to get anxious and fidgety. I cant sit still and I begin to cry. Because no matter what, I can't stop thinking about dying. What it would be like, how terrifying it will be to just not BE anymore. Leaving everyone behind, not be alive anymore, never be able to see, smell, touch, think ever again! I cant stop thinking of it. And I'm scared. All I do is sit and cry. I need advice badly. How can I control this? I don't want medication. I just want to stop thinking about dying.
 
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Breathless

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Stop thinking about stopping thinking about dying. Allow those thoughts to come and go without judgement or getting too caught up in them. The more you fight the thoughts the more they will trouble you. Distraction techniques, meditation, yoga etc find what works for you that will bring you back into the present, enjoying and appreciating the here and the now.
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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I used to do exactly that but one day my brain broke and wouldntvlet me think about not existing forever anymore..... Of course that's not what I believe anyway.... I believe me come back til weve learnt everything we need on a higher level than this world. I'm just rambling and not helping. Sorry
 
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countrygirl000

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That's just it, I don't think about it. Not purposely. I can be sitting at work, happy go lucky laughing with all the guys, then BAM. Sweating, heart racing, pit in my stomach, burning in chest, tingling all over, and this big red sign in al caps just taunting me "one day, you just wont "be" anymore". I turn my thoughts back to what I was doing before, but I'm panicking. and I cant stop it. I just sit there, like a deer caught in headlights, knowing no matter what it wont go away. I cant even just relax. I've tried meditation, and thinking of work, my boyfriend, my animals, a happy time I've had, or something good that's recently happened, but nothing. And when the panicking finally stops, and the thought is gone, and i'm back to what I was doing, it hits again.
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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When the panic attacks come just focus on long deep breaths :)
 
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countrygirl000

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I can control them now, the panic attacks I mean. I have a techniques I use. I can make them go away fairly quickly, but the thoughts never diminish. I'm scared i'm losing my mind. It's like as children, the thought of living forever was always there. But now that we are older, reality has hit and the thought of immortality is no longer there. We have to accept that we will die eventually, but my thoughts come on a regular basis and I cant just live, without thinking of not living.
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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No i think its quite normal to worry about the unknown
 
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countrygirl000

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All the time though? To the point where I curl up in a room crying refusing to come out because i'm terrified of my own thoughts?
 
Jaminacaranda

Jaminacaranda

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I sometimes have obsessive thoughts about dying (it's not too far off for me!) which result in me becoming panicky although not to the extent of full-blown panic attacks ( I have had them in the past). I just wanted you to know you are not alone! Have you ever had CBT aimed at controlling panic attacks? I read that it was very successful for that and considered it for myself as I have quite a few phobias but I didn't go for it in the end so I can't personally vouch for its value.
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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Mine just got to a point where my brain refused to let me think. I'm sorry theyre gettin to you :hug1:
 
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Christobel

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I too have suffered with anxiety, but in my case it didn't have a focus like dying. I would see something out of the corner of my eye and that would set off a full-blown panic attack with the symptoms you describe. It might help you to go back in your mind to when the fear of dying first started, and try to remember if there was any traumatic event happened in your life.

Also, my advice would be to go and see your GP. They don't just prescribe medication but can sometimes offer talking therapies.
 
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countrygirl000

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what is CBT? Same here, the panic, without the full blown attack. It sucks so badly. Thank You for your response. I'm glad to know its not just me
 
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countrygirl000

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Nikita said:
Countrygirl,hello, fear and worry have taken you over.Try and relax, breathe deeply, live in the moment and try not to fear the future and whatever it holds whether that be life or death.Have you tried reassuring yourself that whatever is is and will be will be, that we are all going to die eventually and that is what is supposed to happen?Have you tried thinking of before you were born, you knew not and existed not but it was ok, wasn't it?You were none the wiser and it was ok to not exist,so don't worry.It is ok, you will be fine,whatever happens it/you will all be ok.Nikitax
I have tried all that yes, and I will admit, it HAS taken me over. The bad thing is when I try to comfort myself with thinking about before I was born, sitting in the womb unaware of what life even was, I panic at that also. I try to think things that comfort me, like what if when we die, we don't truly die, we just become aware in another life, and although its nonsense, I still try. Justifying death as not truly the end, but being born again in another life, then I panic at forgetting this life and everything an everyone I know. I just cant escape it! I know its unavoidable, and that's what scares me the most. I'm scared I will die before I grow old. And now knowing what happens after death, scares me even more. I pray everyday for the strength to overcome it, that God will only take me when he is ready. But then I think, what if God isn't real and he really doesn't take us to a better place. Worry, worry, worry! its exhausting....
 
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C

countrygirl000

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I too have suffered with anxiety, but in my case it didn't have a focus like dying. I would see something out of the corner of my eye and that would set off a full-blown panic attack with the symptoms you describe. It might help you to go back in your mind to when the fear of dying first started, and try to remember if there was any traumatic event happened in your life.

Also, my advice would be to go and see your GP. They don't just prescribe medication but can sometimes offer talking therapies.
Years ago, a family member of mine ended her life. At the funeral, at which I was only 16, I remember crying, uncontrollably. I knew her, but not like I knew my immediate family. She was just my cousins wife. Barely ever saw her. No one, not even myself, could understand why it hit me so hard. I hid in the parlor just absolutely wrecked. At the funeral, I remember someone commented how heartbreaking it was, that the woman looked like me. I believe that's where it all started.....
 
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