Constant thought of being teased/bullied

J

Jefforey

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#1
I am 38 year old single male. I am working out of home and last 3 years i have had thoughts of constantly being bullied/teased. I am unable to focus and get distracted by these images. Sometimes i speak aloud "stop it" or act out like punching or slapping the bully. I have completely lost my mental peace. I think i will go completely crazy soon. The images are of someone i know from school who bullied me or others i knew from work or from day to day life. I did suffer some bulliying in school but it was not excessive. Also i am super sensitive. I see something remotely offensive on tv or in real and i later feel like i am the one being victimised. I am on mirtazapine, eszopiclone and agomelatine for the last 10 years. Please advise.
 
Cazcat

Cazcat

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#2
Hi,

Sorry to hear that you are experiencing this, it sounds really hard. Have you ever seen a therapist regarding the bullying? Bullying can leave lasting damage, I still feel sick if I see a child wearing my old school uniform and expect them to pick on me and I'm in my mid 30s now, in fact there's a child in my neighbourhood who sometimes talks to me who I'm convinced is making fun of me and I feel just like I used to at school. I have to remind myself that I am an adult now and what an 11 year old thinks about me really doesn't matter. I was reading the other day that severe bullying can cause PTSD. It's definately worth discussing with your Dr what help is available.
 
B

BrokenToy

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#3
Hi Jefforey and welcome to the forum. :welcome:

I'd also support what Cazcat has said and talk to your doctor or therapist if you have one. Maybe a change of meds or change of dosage is all that's needed. Don't bottle this up, that will not help at all and you doctor really is there to listen to any concerns you have. You made a good move by joining this forum, there are nice people on here.
 
Cazcat

Cazcat

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#5
Thankyou. Is there a medical name for this condition?
Mental health diagnosis are often very complex and overlap each other. No one here is qualified to give a diagnosis based on you posts. Any type of mental distress is worth discussing with your Dr or therapist though and they should be able to help you further.
 
B

BrokenToy

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#6
Be very wary of self-diagnosis or other peoples opinions of your possible diagnosis. No-one here are qualified professional medical carers and we are all really just here for support purposes. Having a name for your condition might be useful but it really won't change anything. Even doctors can mis-diagnose some mental health issues, it's very complex and some people suffer from more than one issue which makes diagnosis even harder.

If you have a good relationship with your doctor just let it all out, everything that's churning in your head. If you want the best chance to get the help available you need to be honest with your Doc. You can get past this Jefforey, you're already on the right track now. This forum is usually very active so pop in and out anytime you need it and there should usually be someone to engage with you. Sometimes it's fun to just log-on here and chill-out away from the heavy stuff. There is a Chill-Out sub-section just for that purpose.

Cazcat slow down, you're beating me to every reply haha! :clap:
 
J

Jefforey

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#9
Thankyou :) . I guess it's best to talk to a therapist. I am using this app called headspace for a week now for meditation. Haven't seen any great improvement but will try it for a while longer. Last 2 days the negative thoughts just break my focus and i had abort the session midway.
 
J

Jefforey

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#10
There is one more thing i want to share. When i was in a 9 to 5 job till the age of 33 i did not have this condition. Only when i have a lot of idle time now that i feel this way.
 
Cazcat

Cazcat

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#11
Thankyou :) . I guess it's best to talk to a therapist. I am using this app called headspace for a week now for meditation. Haven't seen any great improvement but will try it for a while longer. Last 2 days the negative thoughts just break my focus and i had abort the session midway.
I find headspace helpful, it takes practice though, don't beat yourself up if you lose concentration, that OK.
 
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BrokenToy

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#12
There is one more thing i want to share. When i was in a 9 to 5 job till the age of 33 i did not have this condition. Only when i have a lot of idle time now that i feel this way.
The exact same thing happened to me. As soon as I had more time to stew I crashed and burned.. It's good you have identified that. :)
 
Cazcat

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#13
Apparently it's very common to get ill once the pressures off. When you are under stress and your body is running in fight or flight survival mode it keeps you going, then as you relax and your cortisol and adrenaline levels drop you crash.
 
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BrokenToy

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#14
That doesn't mean you were not ill before while you were working, just that you were so occupied it didn't get a chance to show itself properly.
 
J

Jefforey

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#15
BrokenToy cazcat you both have been very helpful to me. Please tell me some of the things the therapist may ask me. I am very embarassed to talk to him about bullying that happend 20 years ago. Also it was not excessive as my mind is making it out to be. I grew up in a tough neighbourhood and that was a reason. But if you could suggest some mental excercises etc then that will be great. Also is there a online therapist? Money is no matter for me. Thankyou again for your kind words.
 
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Bellamilo

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#16
Hello, i'm 23 and suffer with depression/anxiety

I was badly bullied in school - to the point where I was poisoned by others with rat poison.

Even light bullying will leave a scar and in my opinion whether you realise it or not, there will be some sort of negative left inside of you until you can deal with it yourself. I've been in counselling for over a year now and I still haven't dealt with mine. Don't be ashamed and most certainly I would recommend seeing a therapist face to face.

I am always here if you need a message. :)
 
Cazcat

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#17
BrokenToy cazcat you both have been very helpful to me. Please tell me some of the things the therapist may ask me. I am very embarassed to talk to him about bullying that happend 20 years ago. Also it was not excessive as my mind is making it out to be. I grew up in a tough neighbourhood and that was a reason. But if you could suggest some mental excercises etc then that will be great. Also is there a online therapist? Money is no matter for me. Thankyou again for your kind words.
I would also suggest face to face councelling/therapy as it's easier to read each other in person than online. There are lots of different types of therapy so it would be worth shopping around to find which sounds like it will suit you best. I have found NLP (Neuro linguistic programming ) particularly useful personally. I think the most important thing is that you feel like you have a good rapport with the therapist a lot will give you a free or cheap initial session for you to decide if they are right for you. You can go through the NHS but the wait is normally long and the number of sessions limited also you can't chose your therapist via this route.

As for what they ask, most let you talk and then base their questions on this. They will probably want to know what you are hoping to get out of your sessions too.

I find mindfulness, meditation, exercise and knitting help me when I am struggling.
 
J

Jefforey

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#18
I am grateful to all those who have responded here. I am considering getting therapy but in the meanwhile i have a few questions.
Q1:Has therapy stoped you from thinking about being bullied?
Q2:How would you quantify the improvement? If you thought about bullying 100 times a day before therapy then how many times do you think about it now?
Q3: Does therapy help in getting over guilt of not standing up to bullies?
Q4: do you still act-out when you think of bullying? Like making a fist or throwing your arm to slap the bully etc?

The other day i just did that in a public place and i got few laughs. :)
 
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Cazcat

Cazcat

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#19
Q1:Has therapy stoped you from thinking about being bullied?
I don't often think about it these days although I still have some social anxiety. I care less about what other people think of me than I did when I was younger. I think therapy has made me more self confident which has helped a lot.

Q2:How would you quantify the improvement? If you thought about bullying 100 times a day before therapy then how many times do you think about it now?
I'm not really sure about this one, it's been so many years since I started therapy as a child for the first time and started dealing with it.

Q3: Does therapy help in getting over guilt of not standing up to bullies?
Yes, I think so although although I was always taught by my parents not to respond to bullies including standing up to them so I don't think I had a huge ammoun t of guilt about this.

Q4: do you still act-out when you think of bullying? Like making a fist or throwing your arm to slap the bully etc?
I've very rarely had this response to being bullied, I just retreat into myself. I still do that to a certain extent, though I am better at standing up for myself (by being assertive rather than physical response) since therapy.

Overall therapy left me feeling more at peace with myself.
 
B

BrokenToy

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#20
It's really very hard to answer those questions Jefforey because everyone is so different. I would like to point out you shouldn't overthink this too much before you actually go. Maybe write some bullet points you want to mention to your therapist and that way it's easier to say what you really want while you perhaps are feeling awkward or forgetful while 'under pressure'. Forgive that term, there will be no pressure, therapists work at a rate you are comfortable with. No-one can force you to rush when you talk about your experiences.

Q1 - No. That is part of what made me who I am today and it will always will be there.

Q2 - I can't put a figure on that but I feel a massive improvement, tho that is after many different therapists and counsellors.

Q3 - That guilt is not yours to get over Jefforey, it belongs to your bullies. You can learn to come to terms with what has happened but in no way was it your fault or something you ''need to get over'' so-to-speak.

Q4 - Occassionally. Anything that sounds like an explosion or gunshot, even Coastguard rescue helicopters can trigger me in various ways. Raised voices before a physical fight and sirens can have the same impact. All the previous things that were imprinted on my brain that used to bring me physical violence and pain are still there but I can identify them more easily, predict them even at times and generally cope much better now.
 

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