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Jujiku

New member
Joined
Dec 14, 2018
Messages
2
#1
I was diagnosed with a personality disorder in my teens that I don't have. I'm 40 now. At the time I was diagnosed, I did have symptoms, which went away completely within a month of the bitchy psychiatrist (who I only saw once) diagnosing me based on a difference between my version and the truth. Sufficient evidence to tick several boxes on her sheet. The other terrible thing I've taken action about is that my medical summary, which a potential employer could ask for, has full-on village gossip in its wording rather than a basis in my actual medical history. I think medical records are quite a big issue in a rural village in comparison to the city. My city GP is understanding about everything.

It's always bothered me a lot to have an unnecessary diagnosis in my history. I don't have that particular personality disorder. I'm 95% sure of it. The forum on it here I can't relate to well. When I've been in sound health, I've met with various mental health people to try to establish that isn't what happens to me when I'm not so well. Unfortunately people get bogged down in previous diagnosis.

I literally met that psychiatrist for minutes before she started accusing me of lying (when I'd modified the truth in a perfectly human way) and used my 'lies' as a basis to serve cold a personality disorder. She was in a bad mood that day. I have a dreadful memory of feeling invisible in a corner while she humiliated me. She didn't even explain what the disorder meant. Nothing. Zilch. No sympathy. No nothing. I had to research it that evening online in grave shame.

Having had a prior diagnosis has affected my perspectives. I haven't tried to get myself diagnosed with anything else. I have a great job and perhaps wouldn't be able to do it if I was officiated mentally ill.

I've had a set of symptoms since childhood though. But they were different to what I was told I had in my teens. It wasn't that dumbass personality disorder. I knew it.

In my mid-twenties something changed in my brain. The way I think utterly changed.

I had a traumatic life event, which was what did it, then had hypnotherapy. In my late twenties I became increasingly reclusive. It took a lot of effort to end this ongoing phase in my early to mid-thirties but then crept back into my shell because it's productive time alone. Relationships aren't a priority. Where I live doesn't help.

I've explored social anxiety and my anxiety levels are not much beyond normal. Recently I realized what my irregularities are most similar to: schizophrenia.

I simply don't have hallucinations so it's never been detected. Personally I think early hypnotherapy prevented hallucinations from developing as my thoughts were definitely soup from trauma. That initial week of intense hypnotherapy changed the convoluted, peculiar thoughts into more regular ones, though I eventually disliked acquiring aspects of the way the therapist thought. She was superstitious. Therapy lasted two years so it wasn't only hypnotherapy. I spoke for ten minutes and she spoke for forty-five. It wasn't counseling or psychotherapy.

A few times I've had delusions but I know I'm having them. Often they're connected to my creative work or there is some tenuous basis in reality. I'm supported through these periods of a few weeks by family. I definitely don't need medication as apart from being reclusive I'm totally fine. I can get very word-orientated and talk aloud but there are no voices there. I'm simply sub-vocalizing. I've decided to try sarcosine to see what difference it makes. I take magnesium as I find it reduces the depth of my emotion generally though I'm not unhappy at all. A few weeks of taking it as a laxative, while knowing how beneficial it is for dangerous depression, was insightful and I recommend anyone with a sense of intensity take magnesium supplement now.

The only reason a proper diagnosis of schizophrenia would help is to slap the people who mentally abuse me when I do go out. Take that.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
8,371
Location
England
#2
Hi,
Welcome to the forum,
Not everyone has all the symptoms of schizophrenia, some just have a few.
Here to listen.