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Confusing thoughts/dreams with reality

FlowerBox

FlowerBox

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I really just want to vent about this...

The first time I noticed this happened a few weeks ago or something..I was telling my boyfriend about why I am so anxious about my family, and I said something that they "did", but I put that in quotes because they didn't actually do it but when I said it, I really thought they did. He asked if they really did that or if I am just assuming they did that, and I had to sit there and really think for a bit but I realized oh right, I am just assuming...I felt really embarrassed by this and I still feel embarrassed, but I really thought that they did this thing..I didn't think to make a distinction, that it could just be an assumption...it felt so real to me

I feel so stupid and embarrassed over this still, and it was weeks ago. I feel like I can't talk to him about things like that now, because I must just be making it all up, so there is nothing to be anxious about right...but I can't just stop thinking about these things. I haven't been as suspicious of my family since this but it's still there

It was shocking to me, and it made me feel hopeless, like I can't trust myself or my thoughts. Since then, I notice this happening with small things, like I will remember something that happened last night, only to realize it was from a dream or the state between awake and sleep, but it feels like a real memory, it doesn't feel like recalling a dream...
Or I will remember that someone said something, only to realize that they actually didn't say it :(
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

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I am sorry. That is very confusing and distressing. When I was on a mood stabiliser I could not be sure if my dreams were real or not. It is not a nice feeling at all. I am sad you feel ashamed because you have not done anything wrong. You cannot help having these conflicting thoughts.
 
L

LokiPokey75

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Hi FlowerBox!

I'm glad you felt comfortable sharing this with us! Thank you!

I can understand the feeling of thinking something happened when it didn't. I have a terrible memory so there are times where I can't remember what I did. Happens a lot with watching movies. Have I seen this one before? Can't recall -- so I end up watching the movie anyways.

Have you talked to someone about this? It might be helpful. At the very least, you'll have a better record of what you said and did if you tell a therapist rather than just rely on your own memory.

You could also try keeping a log of your life. Writing down particularly uncomfortable or memorable situations may give you some peace of mind. Give as much detail as you can to prevent any gray areas.

At the end of the day, it's okay to make a mistake. You're worried that something happened that didn't. Are you more afraid that it could have happened or that you were wrong that it didn't happen? Identifying why this is upsetting is the first step towards moving past it. Once you can detach your fears from your assumptions, you'll have an easier time differentiating between fact and fiction.

Remember, you're not a bad person just because you were mistaken. You have to learn to trust your judgment and that may mean making a few false assumptions. But that's okay! You are enough, wrong or right. With a strong support system, you might learn to see that given time.

Good luck, FlowerBox! Stay safe!
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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Hi flowerbox what a scary feeling to think you had mixed your dreams up with the present reality. I know when I have been in delusional psychosis in the past I think and say that all kinds of things that aren’t real but I believe them to be. I don’t realize that they aren’t real until sometimes years later. it makes me feel i have lost. lot of credibility with myself and others when I cannot rely on my own perceptions and understanding this way. This of course brings fear, shame and loss of feelings of self worth. I hope you are not feeling that way because everyone makes mistakes. It’s not as if you were trying to deceive people. I wonder if you were to keep a dream journal of the dreams you remember having when you wake up if that would help to keep dreams and reality sorted. Just a thought. Know you are not alone with these kinds of experiences. xo, j
 
FlowerBox

FlowerBox

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Hi FlowerBox!

I'm glad you felt comfortable sharing this with us! Thank you!

I can understand the feeling of thinking something happened when it didn't. I have a terrible memory so there are times where I can't remember what I did. Happens a lot with watching movies. Have I seen this one before? Can't recall -- so I end up watching the movie anyways.

Have you talked to someone about this? It might be helpful. At the very least, you'll have a better record of what you said and did if you tell a therapist rather than just rely on your own memory.

You could also try keeping a log of your life. Writing down particularly uncomfortable or memorable situations may give you some peace of mind. Give as much detail as you can to prevent any gray areas.

At the end of the day, it's okay to make a mistake. You're worried that something happened that didn't. Are you more afraid that it could have happened or that you were wrong that it didn't happen? Identifying why this is upsetting is the first step towards moving past it. Once you can detach your fears from your assumptions, you'll have an easier time differentiating between fact and fiction.

Remember, you're not a bad person just because you were mistaken. You have to learn to trust your judgment and that may mean making a few false assumptions. But that's okay! You are enough, wrong or right. With a strong support system, you might learn to see that given time.

Good luck, FlowerBox! Stay safe!
I do that with movies too haha, though I don't watch movies or tv very much

I feel like I have no one to talk to about this except on here...I guess I just didn't know how to put it into words for a while. My boyfriend says I can talk to him about things but I just feel too embarrassed now and yeah I am ashamed that I was wrong about it, because I feel like now he doesn't take my concerns seriously (I realize I am assuming this here...)

I feel like no one ever takes my concerns seriously. If I could just stop thinking about this stuff I would...I thought he would understand this because of his own experiences. Maybe he does and was just not being very warm in that moment, but I've been thinking maybe he was trying to help by getting me to see that fears can be very different from reality, he has experience with this...

But I can't say whether I am more afraid that it happened (the thing about my family) or that I was wrong about it, either way it feels like a lose-lose situation for me, embarrassing either way...

I used to journal a bit but I don't know, it just is hard to keep up with my thoughts enough to write anything down, and not much feels important enough to write down, most of these instances of remembering things that didn't happen were just mundane things so they didn't cause stress like the thing about my family

Thank you guys for replying, now that I am confronting this I feel overwhelmed and hopeless like I just can't trust my thoughts
 
FlowerBox

FlowerBox

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Hi flowerbox what a scary feeling to think you had mixed your dreams up with the present reality. I know when I have been in delusional psychosis in the past I think and say that all kinds of things that aren’t real but I believe them to be. I don’t realize that they aren’t real until sometimes years later. it makes me feel i have lost. lot of credibility with myself and others when I cannot rely on my own perceptions and understanding this way. This of course brings fear, shame and loss of feelings of self worth. I hope you are not feeling that way because everyone makes mistakes. It’s not as if you were trying to deceive people. I wonder if you were to keep a dream journal of the dreams you remember having when you wake up if that would help to keep dreams and reality sorted. Just a thought. Know you are not alone with these kinds of experiences. xo, j
Yeah exactly, I felt like maybe he thought I was trying to be deceiving but I really felt it was true. I used to write down my dreams quite a bit too but lately it's been like I don't remember any of the Dream right as I am waking up, so I haven't been writing them down, but later in the day I remember a part of it and that's when sometimes I think it's a real memory. So maybe I should write these dream moments down as I remember them anyway?
 
L

LokiPokey75

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I do that with movies too haha, though I don't watch movies or tv very much

I feel like I have no one to talk to about this except on here...I guess I just didn't know how to put it into words for a while. My boyfriend says I can talk to him about things but I just feel too embarrassed now and yeah I am ashamed that I was wrong about it, because I feel like now he doesn't take my concerns seriously (I realize I am assuming this here...)

I feel like no one ever takes my concerns seriously. If I could just stop thinking about this stuff I would...I thought he would understand this because of his own experiences. Maybe he does and was just not being very warm in that moment, but I've been thinking maybe he was trying to help by getting me to see that fears can be very different from reality, he has experience with this...

But I can't say whether I am more afraid that it happened (the thing about my family) or that I was wrong about it, either way it feels like a lose-lose situation for me, embarrassing either way...

I used to journal a bit but I don't know, it just is hard to keep up with my thoughts enough to write anything down, and not much feels important enough to write down, most of these instances of remembering things that didn't happen were just mundane things so they didn't cause stress like the thing about my family

Thank you guys for replying, now that I am confronting this I feel overwhelmed and hopeless like I just can't trust my thoughts
Hi again FlowerBox!

That seems like a really tough spiral for you! I'm so sorry to hear this. 😞

I know that confronting these things right now is difficult, so just take them one step at a time. You tried today! That's great. That's the first step to getting better. It's okay that you didn't solve all your problems today. At least you got started.

Don't beat yourself up about it! When I was first learning about what was wrong with me, it was overwhelming too. But I was ready to get better so I kept trying. Learn to be okay with whatever progress you make. Even if it doesn't feel like progress, it is!

Getting therapy was really beneficial for me. I think it might be for you too. But if you don't want to go down that road, try talking to your boyfriend. Tell him your fears about how he'll react. As long as he cares about you, he's trying. Learn to appreciate his effort as much as yours.

I've had to do that with my mother and it's been hard because she's more of a fixer than an empathizer. That's why it might be helpful to figure out what your boyfriend does that isn't helpful so you can talk about it.

You deserve happiness, FB! I wish you all the best!
 
FlowerBox

FlowerBox

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Hi again FlowerBox!

That seems like a really tough spiral for you! I'm so sorry to hear this. 😞

I know that confronting these things right now is difficult, so just take them one step at a time. You tried today! That's great. That's the first step to getting better. It's okay that you didn't solve all your problems today. At least you got started.

Don't beat yourself up about it! When I was first learning about what was wrong with me, it was overwhelming too. But I was ready to get better so I kept trying. Learn to be okay with whatever progress you make. Even if it doesn't feel like progress, it is!

Getting therapy was really beneficial for me. I think it might be for you too. But if you don't want to go down that road, try talking to your boyfriend. Tell him your fears about how he'll react. As long as he cares about you, he's trying. Learn to appreciate his effort as much as yours.

I've had to do that with my mother and it's been hard because she's more of a fixer than an empathizer. That's why it might be helpful to figure out what your boyfriend does that isn't helpful so you can talk about it.

You deserve happiness, FB! I wish you all the best!
I would love to get back to therapy but I don't think they are doing in-person appointments again yet...I know I am totally just being stubborn about that, but I really don't want to do video chat or phone appointments...hahaha

I do appreciate his efforts just I know I tend to take things personally..maybe it really was a "tough love" type of thing and I just interpreted it as him dismissing my concerns...I hope that's what it was...I think he can empathize he just doesn't always know how to express it that way, yeah I think he was trying to be more of a fixer at that time...

Thank you again
 
J

Jomp

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None of our memories are accurate; we twist and distort the facts because we don't remember what happened as if we're cameras recording every moment, we remember things based on how they affect us, and if we want to believe something badly enough, it can change the nature of the memory to accommodate.

Memory is fluid and is more closely connected to our imagination than people care to admit.

I wouldn't beat yourself up for this, everyone does it to an extent, and if you're a stubborn person, as you say, then you'll be less likely to question your memories or put them into context.

You know enough about the difference between what's real and what's not to put the conversation with your boyfriend here, so I think the problem isn't your memory; it's your embarrassment over one recollection.

More importantly, there's a reason you remembered that incident the way you did. Your reaction to it is far more relevant than what actually happened. That's probably what you should be discussing with your BF; why you remembered it like you did.
 
FlowerBox

FlowerBox

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None of our memories are accurate; we twist and distort the facts because we don't remember what happened as if we're cameras recording every moment, we remember things based on how they affect us, and if we want to believe something badly enough, it can change the nature of the memory to accommodate.

Memory is fluid and is more closely connected to our imagination than people care to admit.

I wouldn't beat yourself up for this, everyone does it to an extent, and if you're a stubborn person, as you say, then you'll be less likely to question your memories or put them into context.

You know enough about the difference between what's real and what's not to put the conversation with your boyfriend here, so I think the problem isn't your memory; it's your embarrassment over one recollection.

More importantly, there's a reason you remembered that incident the way you did. Your reaction to it is far more relevant than what actually happened. That's probably what you should be discussing with your BF; why you remembered it like you did.
I just meant I am stubborn over refusing to do therapy over the internet or phone haha, but I think in general I am not stubborn..I think 🤔

Most of why I am so embarrassed is not about being wrong but because I really lost compassion for my family because I believed this, and I talked poorly of them sometimes 😐 I don't know why I remembered it this way... I guess because the time in my life when it happened (something really did happen but just not in the way I was remembering it) this time frame feels so hazy and hard to remember and I guess I was just trying to make sense of it
 
J

Jomp

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Most of why I am so embarrassed is not about being wrong but because I really lost compassion for my family because I believed this, and I talked poorly of them sometimes 😐 I don't know why I remembered it this way... I guess because the time in my life when it happened (something really did happen but just not in the way I was remembering it) this time frame feels so hazy and hard to remember and I guess I was just trying to make sense of it
There probably is no making sense of it. If it's constantly happening then I'd say that you need help, but if it's this one occasion, the only real options are to talk to them about it or just decide to leave it in the past.

All of us are either able to look back at stuff and think, "What the fuck was I thinking?" or too young to realise we've done it wrong to begin with.

Time to build a different relationship with your family, maybe?
 
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